Why don’t U.S. hospitals let women sleep quietly for the night in the hospital after giving birth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They used to do that but I think with staffing shortages and focus on maximizing profits they don't/can't pay for nurses to watch the babies. They claim it's to help establish breastfeeding but what would actually help is to let the mom sleep in between feeds. It's horrible.

Well, they didn't in 2000 and 2005 when I had my kids. Did i miss the window?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

Wow! This is a really POS response. Don't talk of all the other American woman would want. Speak only for yourself.

I loved being home with my mom, my sister, my NB and my DH. So I was not bored and loved the company. I was recovering and I wanted to be cared for at home. Of course, since we are not like your family, it was not a burden on my family members. No, there was no thought of paying them because that is an offensive, ugly and repulsive mentality. This is not how we function.

Yes, I only wanted female members of my family to help me. They were giving me massages, helping me to nurse and helping me to bathe. I would not want my father or brother to be doing that for me. I don't know what kind of weird family you have.

There is no reason to be dismissive because of cultural differences. But, I pity your thought process and your family culture, because you neither have a family support system like I have nor you are capable of being a support to someone else. I pity you.

NP. So the women in your culture don't usually work outside the home?

Why do you think so?
Women in our culture, especially those who are in the US, are very well educated, regardless of if they are working outside the home or inside the house. Most are college educated and most work in high paying STEM jobs. They also belong to high HHI families.

Usually, people can plan and properly budget/allocate funds, time, resources to take care of these kinds of situations for several reasons - a culture of pitching in for family events and close knit families, a mindset for valuing these traditional cultural milestones, and most importantly - financial means to pay for resources. Our community happens to be among the richest communities in the US.

There is a very strong tradition of higher education in our culture for both men and women. Girls are encouraged to be good in STEM and most get high paying jobs. Our kids excel in academics, so much so that there is an achievement gap in the US between how far behind other kids are compared to the kids in our culture. We are the community that has cracked the code of how to have our girls excel in STEM. Most of our community is college educated (the percentage of women in our community who are college educated exceed the percentage of college educated White males in this country!).

So, in terms of knowledge, marketable skills, job opportunities, family support and financial emancipation, women in my culture in the US are actually doing quite well.

I suppose the women in my family have usually had jobs where you couldn't arrange for extended time off like this, even with advanced notice. It's hard to get coverage for a specialty surgeon, for example.

I'm glad your cultural customs work for you. You are obviously very proud of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was induced due to preeclampsia and was awake 48 hours for the induction before giving birth. Was on magnesium the whole time, not allowed to eat. Gave birth, baby was fine. Nurses then said I could not eat for another 48 hours and was to be on magnesium again. If you don't know, magnesium can make you tired and just not "with it." Twenty-four hours after birth during which I slept for maybe 45 minutes at a time, I asked (full of shame) if the baby could go to the nursery. The nurses said they didn't have a nursery (baby-friendly hospital) and they could just tie the baby to me if I wanted to sleep. Spouse had to go home to get a change of clothes, so wasn't in the room. I was starving, sleep-deprived, and on medication that made me not clear-headed. But no, I had to stay with that baby.

Baby-friendly isn't mom-friendly, and I would imagine at times yields higher risks and poorer outcomes for babies.

I'm surprised there wasn't a bassinet. That sounds quite odd.

PP here. I had been moved to a non-birth-recovery room (I don't know what to call it). I was in a post-birth room with a bassinet for the first day? Then I was considered a normal medical patient and moved to a room without a bassinet.

"Tied to me" = the nursing staff came in and did some sort of intense wrapping like those wraps you use to carry your baby around in. They even brought in other people to demonstrate the wrapping on me.

they wanted you to sleep with the baby in a wrap tied to you? that is absolutely insane. and I’m still worried about you getting no nutrition for 4 days. at the point you were moved out of the maternity ward why didn’t someone take the baby home?

Because I was supposed to breastfeed, ofc. Can't have the baby away from the mother. Also, I imagine that my lack of nutrition made BF-ing harder. Baby was also a bit early so milk wasn't exactly flowing. I remember having multiple nurses just painfully kneading at my breasts to get the tiniest bits of colostrum out.

Also, I was not supposed to stand, particularly not while holding the baby, due to the magnesium. So even if there was a bassinet in the room, I wouldn't have been allowed to walk to it to put the baby down or pick it up.

All-in-all, it was a truly horrendous experience. I felt completely erased as a human.

Bassinets don't have to be across the room. They can be right next to the bed, and at a level where you do not have to lift the infant over the edge.

I'm sorry you had a traumatic experience. It sounds so bizarre for that to be a hospital practice in a country that emphasizes the Back to Sleep practices to decrease SIDS.

[Anonymous]

I was alone with my second baby. My DH couldn’t be with me. Even despite a smooth delivery DH found me asleep with the baby in between my legs. I was so tired. And that was so dangerous, my baby could have fallen off the bed anytime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

Wow! This is a really POS response. Don't talk of all the other American woman would want. Speak only for yourself.

I loved being home with my mom, my sister, my NB and my DH. So I was not bored and loved the company. I was recovering and I wanted to be cared for at home. Of course, since we are not like your family, it was not a burden on my family members. No, there was no thought of paying them because that is an offensive, ugly and repulsive mentality. This is not how we function.

Yes, I only wanted female members of my family to help me. They were giving me massages, helping me to nurse and helping me to bathe. I would not want my father or brother to be doing that for me. I don't know what kind of weird family you have.

There is no reason to be dismissive because of cultural differences. But, I pity your thought process and your family culture, because you neither have a family support system like I have nor you are capable of being a support to someone else. I pity you.

NP. So the women in your culture don't usually work outside the home?

Why do you think so?
Women in our culture, especially those who are in the US, are very well educated, regardless of if they are working outside the home or inside the house. Most are college educated and most work in high paying STEM jobs. They also belong to high HHI families.

Usually, people can plan and properly budget/allocate funds, time, resources to take care of these kinds of situations for several reasons - a culture of pitching in for family events and close knit families, a mindset for valuing these traditional cultural milestones, and most importantly - financial means to pay for resources. Our community happens to be among the richest communities in the US.

There is a very strong tradition of higher education in our culture for both men and women. Girls are encouraged to be good in STEM and most get high paying jobs. Our kids excel in academics, so much so that there is an achievement gap in the US between how far behind other kids are compared to the kids in our culture. We are the community that has cracked the code of how to have our girls excel in STEM. Most of our community is college educated (the percentage of women in our community who are college educated exceed the percentage of college educated White males in this country!).

So, in terms of knowledge, marketable skills, job opportunities, family support and financial emancipation, women in my culture in the US are actually doing quite well.

I suppose the women in my family have usually had jobs where you couldn't arrange for extended time off like this, even with advanced notice. It's hard to get coverage for a specialty surgeon, for example.

I'm glad your cultural customs work for you. You are obviously very proud of them.

NP. Well aware of those cultural customs. Also proud to be from a culture that actually cares about women and their babies. In those cultures there are post partum centers with post partum doulas to take care of baby and woman while mom rests. You can also hire a lady to take care of you for forty days. All my friends had these postpartum doulas. It’s not just family rallying around you for unpaid labor. Those countries actually have family friendly maternity leaves. All my friends went back to work after, not so much the us.

[Anonymous]

I chose a hospital with a functional newborn nursery for this reason. Pre covid though. I sent the baby 9pm-7am every night (stayed 4 nights, each time, had c sections). Didn’t even have the baby come feed overnight , just slept. It was amaZing.

Breastfed both kids fine afterwords. “Baby friendly” my ass. Women need to sleep after having a major abdominal surgery, or after laboring for days, before going home and getting no sleep for the next few months. It’s only humane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

Wow! This is a really POS response. Don't talk of all the other American woman would want. Speak only for yourself.

I loved being home with my mom, my sister, my NB and my DH. So I was not bored and loved the company. I was recovering and I wanted to be cared for at home. Of course, since we are not like your family, it was not a burden on my family members. No, there was no thought of paying them because that is an offensive, ugly and repulsive mentality. This is not how we function.

Yes, I only wanted female members of my family to help me. They were giving me massages, helping me to nurse and helping me to bathe. I would not want my father or brother to be doing that for me. I don't know what kind of weird family you have.

There is no reason to be dismissive because of cultural differences. But, I pity your thought process and your family culture, because you neither have a family support system like I have nor you are capable of being a support to someone else. I pity you.

NP. So the women in your culture don't usually work outside the home?

Why do you think so?
Women in our culture, especially those who are in the US, are very well educated, regardless of if they are working outside the home or inside the house. Most are college educated and most work in high paying STEM jobs. They also belong to high HHI families.

Usually, people can plan and properly budget/allocate funds, time, resources to take care of these kinds of situations for several reasons - a culture of pitching in for family events and close knit families, a mindset for valuing these traditional cultural milestones, and most importantly - financial means to pay for resources. Our community happens to be among the richest communities in the US.

There is a very strong tradition of higher education in our culture for both men and women. Girls are encouraged to be good in STEM and most get high paying jobs. Our kids excel in academics, so much so that there is an achievement gap in the US between how far behind other kids are compared to the kids in our culture. We are the community that has cracked the code of how to have our girls excel in STEM. Most of our community is college educated (the percentage of women in our community who are college educated exceed the percentage of college educated White males in this country!).

So, in terms of knowledge, marketable skills, job opportunities, family support and financial emancipation, women in my culture in the US are actually doing quite well.

I suppose the women in my family have usually had jobs where you couldn't arrange for extended time off like this, even with advanced notice. It's hard to get coverage for a specialty surgeon, for example.

I'm glad your cultural customs work for you. You are obviously very proud of them.

And guess what. Even my friends who were doctors took their forty days. You have a bunch of excuses to treat women poorly and tell them to suck it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

Wow! This is a really POS response. Don't talk of all the other American woman would want. Speak only for yourself.

I loved being home with my mom, my sister, my NB and my DH. So I was not bored and loved the company. I was recovering and I wanted to be cared for at home. Of course, since we are not like your family, it was not a burden on my family members. No, there was no thought of paying them because that is an offensive, ugly and repulsive mentality. This is not how we function.

Yes, I only wanted female members of my family to help me. They were giving me massages, helping me to nurse and helping me to bathe. I would not want my father or brother to be doing that for me. I don't know what kind of weird family you have.

There is no reason to be dismissive because of cultural differences. But, I pity your thought process and your family culture, because you neither have a family support system like I have nor you are capable of being a support to someone else. I pity you.

NP. So the women in your culture don't usually work outside the home?

Why do you think so?
Women in our culture, especially those who are in the US, are very well educated, regardless of if they are working outside the home or inside the house. Most are college educated and most work in high paying STEM jobs. They also belong to high HHI families.

Usually, people can plan and properly budget/allocate funds, time, resources to take care of these kinds of situations for several reasons - a culture of pitching in for family events and close knit families, a mindset for valuing these traditional cultural milestones, and most importantly - financial means to pay for resources. Our community happens to be among the richest communities in the US.

There is a very strong tradition of higher education in our culture for both men and women. Girls are encouraged to be good in STEM and most get high paying jobs. Our kids excel in academics, so much so that there is an achievement gap in the US between how far behind other kids are compared to the kids in our culture. We are the community that has cracked the code of how to have our girls excel in STEM. Most of our community is college educated (the percentage of women in our community who are college educated exceed the percentage of college educated White males in this country!).

So, in terms of knowledge, marketable skills, job opportunities, family support and financial emancipation, women in my culture in the US are actually doing quite well.

I suppose the women in my family have usually had jobs where you couldn't arrange for extended time off like this, even with advanced notice. It's hard to get coverage for a specialty surgeon, for example.

I'm glad your cultural customs work for you. You are obviously very proud of them.

NP. Well aware of those cultural customs. Also proud to be from a culture that actually cares about women and their babies. In those cultures there are post partum centers with post partum doulas to take care of baby and woman while mom rests. You can also hire a lady to take care of you for forty days. All my friends had these postpartum doulas. It’s not just family rallying around you for unpaid labor. Those countries actually have family friendly maternity leaves. All my friends went back to work after, not so much the us.

Thailand? India?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because there is a hungry baby and mom is the best one to feed it? (If she wants to try nursing)

This isn’t a corporate trick. It’s biology.

Yeah, I don’t understand the question either. Most new moms don’t want their baby in a far away nursery all night.

Judging by these responses, plenty of women actually would like that, for like 2 nights, before going home and doing all the night care for the rest of the child’s life. Wouldn’t it be awesome if there was a choice?

FYI I delivered at GBMC in 2014 and 2016 and the newborn nursery was awesome. I slept like a rock and woke up briefly for my pain meds 1-2x, otherwise I asked for the baby back in the morning!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

Wow! This is a really POS response. Don't talk of all the other American woman would want. Speak only for yourself.

I loved being home with my mom, my sister, my NB and my DH. So I was not bored and loved the company. I was recovering and I wanted to be cared for at home. Of course, since we are not like your family, it was not a burden on my family members. No, there was no thought of paying them because that is an offensive, ugly and repulsive mentality. This is not how we function.

Yes, I only wanted female members of my family to help me. They were giving me massages, helping me to nurse and helping me to bathe. I would not want my father or brother to be doing that for me. I don't know what kind of weird family you have.

There is no reason to be dismissive because of cultural differences. But, I pity your thought process and your family culture, because you neither have a family support system like I have nor you are capable of being a support to someone else. I pity you.

NP. So the women in your culture don't usually work outside the home?

Why do you think so?
Women in our culture, especially those who are in the US, are very well educated, regardless of if they are working outside the home or inside the house. Most are college educated and most work in high paying STEM jobs. They also belong to high HHI families.

Usually, people can plan and properly budget/allocate funds, time, resources to take care of these kinds of situations for several reasons - a culture of pitching in for family events and close knit families, a mindset for valuing these traditional cultural milestones, and most importantly - financial means to pay for resources. Our community happens to be among the richest communities in the US.

There is a very strong tradition of higher education in our culture for both men and women. Girls are encouraged to be good in STEM and most get high paying jobs. Our kids excel in academics, so much so that there is an achievement gap in the US between how far behind other kids are compared to the kids in our culture. We are the community that has cracked the code of how to have our girls excel in STEM. Most of our community is college educated (the percentage of women in our community who are college educated exceed the percentage of college educated White males in this country!).

So, in terms of knowledge, marketable skills, job opportunities, family support and financial emancipation, women in my culture in the US are actually doing quite well.

I suppose the women in my family have usually had jobs where you couldn't arrange for extended time off like this, even with advanced notice. It's hard to get coverage for a specialty surgeon, for example.

I'm glad your cultural customs work for you. You are obviously very proud of them.

And guess what. Even my friends who were doctors took their forty days. You have a bunch of excuses to treat women poorly and tell them to suck it up.

This. The meanness and the misogyny in some women in this forum is to the level of a Trumpian female voter!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was induced due to preeclampsia and was awake 48 hours for the induction before giving birth. Was on magnesium the whole time, not allowed to eat. Gave birth, baby was fine. Nurses then said I could not eat for another 48 hours and was to be on magnesium again. If you don't know, magnesium can make you tired and just not "with it." Twenty-four hours after birth during which I slept for maybe 45 minutes at a time, I asked (full of shame) if the baby could go to the nursery. The nurses said they didn't have a nursery (baby-friendly hospital) and they could just tie the baby to me if I wanted to sleep. Spouse had to go home to get a change of clothes, so wasn't in the room. I was starving, sleep-deprived, and on medication that made me not clear-headed. But no, I had to stay with that baby.

Baby-friendly isn't mom-friendly, and I would imagine at times yields higher risks and poorer outcomes for babies.

I'm surprised there wasn't a bassinet. That sounds quite odd.

PP here. I had been moved to a non-birth-recovery room (I don't know what to call it). I was in a post-birth room with a bassinet for the first day? Then I was considered a normal medical patient and moved to a room without a bassinet.

"Tied to me" = the nursing staff came in and did some sort of intense wrapping like those wraps you use to carry your baby around in. They even brought in other people to demonstrate the wrapping on me.

they wanted you to sleep with the baby in a wrap tied to you? that is absolutely insane. and I’m still worried about you getting no nutrition for 4 days. at the point you were moved out of the maternity ward why didn’t someone take the baby home?

Because I was supposed to breastfeed, ofc. Can't have the baby away from the mother. Also, I imagine that my lack of nutrition made BF-ing harder. Baby was also a bit early so milk wasn't exactly flowing. I remember having multiple nurses just painfully kneading at my breasts to get the tiniest bits of colostrum out.

Also, I was not supposed to stand, particularly not while holding the baby, due to the magnesium. So even if there was a bassinet in the room, I wouldn't have been allowed to walk to it to put the baby down or pick it up.

All-in-all, it was a truly horrendous experience. I felt completely erased as a human.

Bassinets don't have to be across the room. They can be right next to the bed, and at a level where you do not have to lift the infant over the edge.

I'm sorry you had a traumatic experience. It sounds so bizarre for that to be a hospital practice in a country that emphasizes the Back to Sleep practices to decrease SIDS.

True, the bassinet could have been not across the room, but for the first room, it was (in part due to my own monitors and drip, I think). And in the second room, there wasn't a bassinet (and I don't even think the hospital one would have fit in the room). The alternative to not wrapping the baby to me was....elevated risk of me dropping the baby because no one was there for a bit and I was out of it. I guess the hospital did a risk calculation.

Anyway, these kinds of wraps are sold to hospitals, apparently for the explicit purpose of providing "safety and support when moms are combating maternal fatigue." https://saplacor.com/collections/breastfeeding-support-with-the-aegis-wrap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

Wow! This is a really POS response. Don't talk of all the other American woman would want. Speak only for yourself.

I loved being home with my mom, my sister, my NB and my DH. So I was not bored and loved the company. I was recovering and I wanted to be cared for at home. Of course, since we are not like your family, it was not a burden on my family members. No, there was no thought of paying them because that is an offensive, ugly and repulsive mentality. This is not how we function.

Yes, I only wanted female members of my family to help me. They were giving me massages, helping me to nurse and helping me to bathe. I would not want my father or brother to be doing that for me. I don't know what kind of weird family you have.

There is no reason to be dismissive because of cultural differences. But, I pity your thought process and your family culture, because you neither have a family support system like I have nor you are capable of being a support to someone else. I pity you.

NP. So the women in your culture don't usually work outside the home?

Why do you think so?
Women in our culture, especially those who are in the US, are very well educated, regardless of if they are working outside the home or inside the house. Most are college educated and most work in high paying STEM jobs. They also belong to high HHI families.

Usually, people can plan and properly budget/allocate funds, time, resources to take care of these kinds of situations for several reasons - a culture of pitching in for family events and close knit families, a mindset for valuing these traditional cultural milestones, and most importantly - financial means to pay for resources. Our community happens to be among the richest communities in the US.

There is a very strong tradition of higher education in our culture for both men and women. Girls are encouraged to be good in STEM and most get high paying jobs. Our kids excel in academics, so much so that there is an achievement gap in the US between how far behind other kids are compared to the kids in our culture. We are the community that has cracked the code of how to have our girls excel in STEM. Most of our community is college educated (the percentage of women in our community who are college educated exceed the percentage of college educated White males in this country!).

So, in terms of knowledge, marketable skills, job opportunities, family support and financial emancipation, women in my culture in the US are actually doing quite well.

I suppose the women in my family have usually had jobs where you couldn't arrange for extended time off like this, even with advanced notice. It's hard to get coverage for a specialty surgeon, for example.

I'm glad your cultural customs work for you. You are obviously very proud of them.

NP. Well aware of those cultural customs. Also proud to be from a culture that actually cares about women and their babies. In those cultures there are post partum centers with post partum doulas to take care of baby and woman while mom rests. You can also hire a lady to take care of you for forty days. All my friends had these postpartum doulas. It’s not just family rallying around you for unpaid labor. Those countries actually have family friendly maternity leaves. All my friends went back to work after, not so much the us.

Thailand? India?

Also, China.
The Chinese postpartum confinement nanny, or "Yue Sao" 月嫂, is a specialized caregiver who offer around-the-clock care for new mothers and babies.

Japan also has the tradition of 8 weeks of rest for women postpartum. Usually its the maternal grandmother (if she is able) who takes care of the mother and child.

Latin American postpartum tradition called Cuarentena. Even they have a 40 day period of care and seclusion of mom and baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

Wow! This is a really POS response. Don't talk of all the other American woman would want. Speak only for yourself.

I loved being home with my mom, my sister, my NB and my DH. So I was not bored and loved the company. I was recovering and I wanted to be cared for at home. Of course, since we are not like your family, it was not a burden on my family members. No, there was no thought of paying them because that is an offensive, ugly and repulsive mentality. This is not how we function.

Yes, I only wanted female members of my family to help me. They were giving me massages, helping me to nurse and helping me to bathe. I would not want my father or brother to be doing that for me. I don't know what kind of weird family you have.

There is no reason to be dismissive because of cultural differences. But, I pity your thought process and your family culture, because you neither have a family support system like I have nor you are capable of being a support to someone else. I pity you.

NP. So the women in your culture don't usually work outside the home?

Why do you think so?
Women in our culture, especially those who are in the US, are very well educated, regardless of if they are working outside the home or inside the house. Most are college educated and most work in high paying STEM jobs. They also belong to high HHI families.

Usually, people can plan and properly budget/allocate funds, time, resources to take care of these kinds of situations for several reasons - a culture of pitching in for family events and close knit families, a mindset for valuing these traditional cultural milestones, and most importantly - financial means to pay for resources. Our community happens to be among the richest communities in the US.

There is a very strong tradition of higher education in our culture for both men and women. Girls are encouraged to be good in STEM and most get high paying jobs. Our kids excel in academics, so much so that there is an achievement gap in the US between how far behind other kids are compared to the kids in our culture. We are the community that has cracked the code of how to have our girls excel in STEM. Most of our community is college educated (the percentage of women in our community who are college educated exceed the percentage of college educated White males in this country!).

So, in terms of knowledge, marketable skills, job opportunities, family support and financial emancipation, women in my culture in the US are actually doing quite well.

I suppose the women in my family have usually had jobs where you couldn't arrange for extended time off like this, even with advanced notice. It's hard to get coverage for a specialty surgeon, for example.

I'm glad your cultural customs work for you. You are obviously very proud of them.

NP. Well aware of those cultural customs. Also proud to be from a culture that actually cares about women and their babies. In those cultures there are post partum centers with post partum doulas to take care of baby and woman while mom rests. You can also hire a lady to take care of you for forty days. All my friends had these postpartum doulas. It’s not just family rallying around you for unpaid labor. Those countries actually have family friendly maternity leaves. All my friends went back to work after, not so much the us.

Thailand? India?

Singapore. There are child care centers within every living neighborhood district. All my professional friends went back to work, since they had so much support from grandparents, availability of daycare, family and Nannies. Every friend hired a post partum doula, they were shocked that I went it alone with my oldest. The first I barely struggled through. The second I found a Chinese post partum doula to hire in the US, handed the baby off and slept for a whole day. First I barely ate, second I was being cooked three healthy meals a day. The experience was like night and day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don’t let women sleep because women go along with it.

Imagine a world where every woman coming out of a c-section gave the baby to the nurse when she wanted to sleep. All you have to say is “I need to sleep and can’t safely watch the baby right now.” Just plain refuse.

Women go along with the BS of baby friendly. There are even women on this thread supporting it.

Yes. Because we don’t want our babies to starve. Are you suggesting women in recovery strike? You go first- with your own newborn.

Ironically baby friendly actually makes the babies starve. Sleep deprived women don’t make milk. And you know babies actually got fed when they went to nurseries right.

I made copious amounts of milk. I slept when I got home. We called the hospital the most expensive least comfortable hotel of all time.

I’m not your enemy. This isn’t a debate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don’t let women sleep because women go along with it.

Imagine a world where every woman coming out of a c-section gave the baby to the nurse when she wanted to sleep. All you have to say is “I need to sleep and can’t safely watch the baby right now.” Just plain refuse.

Women go along with the BS of baby friendly. There are even women on this thread supporting it.

Yes. Because we don’t want our babies to starve. Are you suggesting women in recovery strike? You go first- with your own newborn.

Huh? A newborn baby won’t starve because a mom sleeps for a few hours. There is also formula! Guess you’re one of the women who wants women to suffer after birth.

You assume too much and need to gather your thoughts a bit better instead of lashing out at another mother. Call the hospital that you had the undesirable experience at and speak to someone that can take your complaint. Also write them.