What is parenting like when you had kids at an older age?

[Anonymous]

I am 39 and considering having a second child but really worry I am too old, and that even if I get through the early years, having two teens in the house while in my mid 50s might put me over the edge. Anyone with experience in this area have words of wisdom to share? I should add that DH and I don't have the most harmonious of marriages, but we work hard to make it work.

[Anonymous]

I had my daughter at 37 - so not very old by DC standards, but when I go home (Baltimore), I find I'm freaking elderly. Most of my friends have kids on their way to high school.

The biggest difference, from what I can tell, is the energy level. You just don't have as much - even if you are in shape (as I am). However, I find that the financial difference is amazing. While my friends who had kids early really struggled at some level, I am able to take my daughter to Europe and do other things that my friends were not able to do.

I find myself to be more laid back and wiser then I'm sure my 27 year oldself would have been. Eating cheerios off the floor? Dirt is good for you! Slight fever? No need for the doctor.

You will find yourself parenting very differently then when you were younger.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Menopause and toddlers is not a pretty or fun thing, I can tell you. The relentlessness of parenting makes me feel like I am literally dying from time to time. I wish I were exaggerating. I have 4 kids. But I have an extremely funny and fully active 55 year old DH and we laugh and scream and cry through it somehow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 39 and considering having a second child but really worry I am too old, and that even if I get through the early years, having two teens in the house while in my mid 50s might put me over the edge. Anyone with experience in this area have words of wisdom to share? I should add that DH and I don't have the most harmonious of marriages, but we work hard to make it work.

If you have to ask, it's not for you.

I had two late in life - older than you, in fact. And not once did I - or do I - question my decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you have to ask, it's not for you.

I had two late in life - older than you, in fact. And not once did I - or do I - question my decision.

What does this mean? That you shouldn't do it if you consider in advance how challenging it will be? That parenting is a lot harder if you're older? Curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 39 and considering having a second child but really worry I am too old, and that even if I get through the early years, having two teens in the house while in my mid 50s might put me over the edge. Anyone with experience in this area have words of wisdom to share? I should add that DH and I don't have the most harmonious of marriages, but we work hard to make it work.

If you have to ask, it's not for you.

I had two late in life - older than you, in fact. And not once did I - or do I - question my decision.

Right there with you, Sister. Never once looked back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you have to ask, it's not for you.

I had two late in life - older than you, in fact. And not once did I - or do I - question my decision.

Not OP but I think it's a reasonable question to ask. Glad it worked out for you.

[Anonymous]

I have teens and I'm in my late 40s. It is not fun, but I'm not sure having teens is fun at any age. It's very stressful every day. If your marriage is not solid, teens can really do a number on it. I would seriously consider whether or not you want another child, OP. I also have younger children, and it's not easy with the differences in ages. I wouldn't change anything, but I'm trying to be honest. Maybe take a trip to Europe instead of having another kid! It's expensive to have another child.

[Anonymous]

I had my oldest at 30 and youngest at 41, and, really, there's not a huge difference in terms of the teen years. There's a couple of tough years in that stretch with almost any kid, then they start to become human again and, of course, just as they're becoming enjoyable and interesting people, they go to college. Actually, in some ways it's been easier to have teens in my early 50s than it was in my mid-/late 40s. I can't tell how much of that is attributable to my having gone through it before and thus not being so anxious this time around, but I also think some of it is that as I get older I don't take things so personally. Oh, and even the healthiest marriage will be tested by rearing teens.

[Anonymous]

I had my only child right before my 35th birthday. I think it gave me a chance to have a great career, travel a lot, and have friends. It is tiring to have a child at an older age, but I agree with an earlier poster -- we had more $$$$ to do stuff. Good luck! Don't listen to the naysayers.

[Anonymous]

Had my only child at 38. The problem is I can't compare it to having a kid at a younger age because I didn't have one then. But I think I was a better parent in my late 30s and 40s than I would have been at a younger age because I was a lot more mature.

[Anonymous]

Parent of 2 teens right now, at age 50. Of course it's all I know but I am not sure it would have been easier 10 years ago. And while there are some challenges, overall they've been good kids so don't assume the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The relentlessness of parenting makes me feel like I am literally dying from time to time. I wish I were exaggerating.

I'm 39 with 3 kids (8 and under) and this rings way too true for me. So maybe not related to age or menopause but just to having kids??

[Anonymous]

I'm glad I had my kids later in life, I'm wealthy, im well educated amd I can pass that on to my kids.

Younger me was an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you have to ask, it's not for you.

I had two late in life - older than you, in fact. And not once did I - or do I - question my decision.

What does this mean? That you shouldn't do it if you consider in advance how challenging it will be? That parenting is a lot harder if you're older? Curious.

What's the sense in asking? You could be dead tomorrow at 25 or alive at 95 with 15 grandchildren.

So it's not about age; it's about attitude.

I work and yet I'm still at the park with my 8 and 4 year olds - right next to the 30 yo with her twin toddlers . . . or the 25 yo with her preschooler.

What does it matter?

If you keep questioning you'll drive yourself crazy. And FWIW, the first - at 38 - was a delightful accident, a one-shot deal. If I thought about my fertility and freaked out about AMA, she wouldn't be here today - and neither would my son.