Feeling so bad this morning...did I screw up?

[Anonymous]

My early teen son has mild ADD and likes school well enough, but has been starting to slack off a little towards the end of the year. He's starting to be a little evasive about homework and things like that. He wasn't feeling well yesterday, so I let him stay home since his stomach really seemed to hurt him. He had a writing project that needed to be turned in, but stated it was on the computer at school.
He has no fever, no vomiting, though says he had two bouts of diarrhea yesterday. He ate crackers, soup and a sandwich yesterday and is drinking with no problem.
This morning, he said he felt like there was a needle in his stomach. So I offered him crackers, ginger ale and Tums, thinking maybe he had stomach acid from not eating much yesterday. He refused to eat anything, but still has no fever or vomiting.
So, I made him go to school. He complained loud and long about this and ended up going in late. I offered to write him a note, but he refused. Apparently this is his third late arrival and he will now have morning detention.
Anyway, he is now very mad at me that I made him go to school, and I am second guessing my decision! I did offer to make him a doctor's appointment if he feels sick after school. But should I have let him stay home? I need some more perspective on this!
Thanks in advance!

[Anonymous]

Tough one.

I once sent a kid I thought was faking to school and got a call from the nurse two hours later to come get her. Turns out she had strep.

So, been there, done that!

The big question is if it's psychosomatic, what's going on at school that would cause this anxiety? Bullying? Just year-end stress over grades/tests?

If it's really physical, it will still present later presumably. Feeling like there's a needles in stomach is pretty specific.

[Anonymous]

I would write a note asking that the tardy be "excused" for medical reasons and explaining that he had symptoms in the morning and you waited for them to subside.

My son has asthma and sometimes we wait to see if the a.m. meds will work. In those cases, I walk him in and write a note at the front office so he doesn't get detention. If he's late because it's his own fault (e.g. he missed the bus) then I don't do that.

[Anonymous]

I've also BTDT. It could go either way. He may end up having a fine afternoon or you may get a call to pick up early. Who knows. At least it's Friday. You can do something happy together tonight.

[Anonymous]

I've struggled with this recently. It's a tough one. I mean really how sick is sick? We don't all stay home from work when we don't feel 100%. At some age you have to learn to suck it up a bit. It's so hard to know looking at the kid how much you're demanding of them. Don't feel too bad. You made the best call you could at the time with the information you had.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't have let him stay home yesterday and definitely not two days in a row. The reason I say this is because he is being evasive about homework, he has a big project due and he says it's on the computer at school so he can't work on it at home. My guess is this. The writing project was due. He was trying to stay off until he had a day where he didn't have the class where the project had been assigned, he could get the project, if it was even done and complete it and turn it in late using medical reasons to avoid the consequences of a late project. If he was really sick, the school would have sent him home. I wouldn't have been confrontational about it, just would have said that sometimes when you get moving you find you're not that sick, so better to try and not lose a day of school. If you can't tell, I have a homework evader. He's the perfect kid in all ways, but turning in projects. He has tried to pull this one on me.

And, if the project was on the computer, you could have e-mailed the teacher to have it sent to you via e-mail.

[Anonymous]

He's still a child, OP. If he's complaining of feeling like there's a needle in his stomach, you should make him a doctor's appointment and ensure that he goes to it. You don't offer to make one, you make one. He'll either be sick, or he'll learn that if he's faking it's not worth it.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks for all the advice! I followed the advice of the poster who recommended calling the school to explain--I did that so this late arrival won't count against him. When I picked him up from school, he felt fine and even asked for a fast food snack.
He says he turned in his project and I'll check the on-line grading system later to make sure he did.
I really appreciate the support, thanks again!

[Anonymous]

Nope, you did not screw up. He knew he was supposed to go to school on time and dawdled, right? A detention isn't the end of the world, and I doubt you were responsible for the other "lates." He can work on the assignment he didn't finish in detention.

[Anonymous]

Unless my kids have a massive fever or are actively throwing up, they go to school. Always been like that, always will be like that.