Gift grab or not?

[Anonymous]

We received an invitation to a friend's child's graduation today. The family doesn't live anywhere near us and we've never met the child. (DH may have, when the child was very, very young. I definitely haven't.) On the back of the invitation, the sender had printed, "if you can't join DC at the graduation, we hope you remember him/her on their special day." My first reaction was that this is a gift grab. But, maybe they mean something like, remember him in our prayers? DCUMers - what say you? Gift grab or not? Is it rude to just not respond?

Also, for background, we are not close to these people. My DH used to be close to the DH (who is DC's step-dad) 15 years ago but in recent years they haven't had much contact. The DW and I are not friends, though we get along fine at social events and keep up with Christmas cards. We live several hours away from them and although we always ask to see them when we are in their neighborhood (my family lives near their house so we're there for holidays) they never make time to see us when we are home. (By that I mean they have *never* seen us.) The most regular contact we have with them outside of holiday cards is when they contact us to promote their business. Honestly, if it weren't for the fact that DH feels a nostalgia for his friendship with the other DH, I wouldn't bother at all. So, maybe it's because I just don't feel that close that it seems like a gift grab?

[Anonymous]

I'd do nothing, or if DH insists, send a card with best wishes.

[Anonymous]

gift grab. do nothing.

[Anonymous]

I think a congratulatory email or card of you feel generous with regrets that you can't attend the party is more than appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We received an invitation to a friend's child's graduation today. The family doesn't live anywhere near us and we've never met the child. (DH may have, when the child was very, very young. I definitely haven't.) On the back of the invitation, the sender had printed, "if you can't join DC at the graduation, we hope you remember him/her on their special day." My first reaction was that this is a gift grab. But, maybe they mean something like, remember him in our prayers? DCUMers - what say you? Gift grab or not? Is it rude to just not respond?

Also, for background, we are not close to these people. My DH used to be close to the DH (who is DC's step-dad) 15 years ago but in recent years they haven't had much contact. The DW and I are not friends, though we get along fine at social events and keep up with Christmas cards. We live several hours away from them and although we always ask to see them when we are in their neighborhood (my family lives near their house so we're there for holidays) they never make time to see us when we are home. (By that I mean they have *never* seen us.) The most regular contact we have with them outside of holiday cards is when they contact us to promote their business. Honestly, if it weren't for the fact that DH feels a nostalgia for his friendship with the other DH, I wouldn't bother at all. So, maybe it's because I just don't feel that close that it seems like a gift grab?

Was it a stock, pre-printed card from that kid's school to send to all recipients?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We received an invitation to a friend's child's graduation today. The family doesn't live anywhere near us and we've never met the child. (DH may have, when the child was very, very young. I definitely haven't.) On the back of the invitation, the sender had printed, "if you can't join DC at the graduation, we hope you remember him/her on their special day." My first reaction was that this is a gift grab. But, maybe they mean something like, remember him in our prayers? DCUMers - what say you? Gift grab or not? Is it rude to just not respond?

Also, for background, we are not close to these people. My DH used to be close to the DH (who is DC's step-dad) 15 years ago but in recent years they haven't had much contact. The DW and I are not friends, though we get along fine at social events and keep up with Christmas cards. We live several hours away from them and although we always ask to see them when we are in their neighborhood (my family lives near their house so we're there for holidays) they never make time to see us when we are home. (By that I mean they have *never* seen us.) The most regular contact we have with them outside of holiday cards is when they contact us to promote their business. Honestly, if it weren't for the fact that DH feels a nostalgia for his friendship with the other DH, I wouldn't bother at all. So, maybe it's because I just don't feel that close that it seems like a gift grab?

Was it a stock, pre-printed card from that kid's school to send to all recipients?

No. It was a custom printed invitation and it came from the DW.

[Anonymous]

If it is a gift grab, its subtle. Kudos, kudos.

My parents sent graduation cards to lots of people I didn't know or hadn't seen in years. It was more because they were proud than anything else.

[Anonymous]

Gift grab. So tacky. Do nothing.

[Anonymous]

Respond with an email (or card if you're feeling generous) saying that you can't attend but will be thinking of Little Johnny on the [date of graduation] and wishing him every future success. Thus you will have honored the request to remember him on his day.

[Anonymous]

This is the OP. Thanks for the responses everyone. 21:34, is it customary when someone graduates to put that part about "thinking of" the kid on the back? It's been a long time since I graduated and our DCs are no where near that age.

[Anonymous]

Omg..this too much thought..send him a 50 dollar check and be done with it. You said your husband feels nostalgic for the friendship with the husband..in the little chance that can be preserved..do it. I think the congrats email is passive aggressive. Poor kid is just starting out in one of the worst recessions in history..do it as a mitzvah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg..this too much thought..send him a 50 dollar check and be done with it. You said your husband feels nostalgic for the friendship with the husband..in the little chance that can be preserved..do it. I think the congrats email is passive aggressive. Poor kid is just starting out in one of the worst recessions in history..do it as a mitzvah.

This is the OP. I'd like to be big enough to do this, but they never even sent us a card for our wedding. We also have some really large medical bills and have given up cell phones, sold our car, etc. in an effort to pay them down. The thought that I have to send this family a gift of any amount - although you are right, not the kid's fault - makes my skin crawl. It is the right thing to do, but gah.

[Anonymous]

If you are struggling for bus fare then send a nice card or just a simple note. Really no big deal. My DC graduated a couple of years ago and she was excited to send out announcements. It wasn't about gifts at all. Some people sent gifts and some didn't.

[Anonymous]

agree with the posters who say to send a nice card with regrets for missing the graduation and best wishes for future success - that's a nice thing to do, in any event - no need for gift

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg..this too much thought..send him a 50 dollar check and be done with it. You said your husband feels nostalgic for the friendship with the husband..in the little chance that can be preserved..do it. I think the congrats email is passive aggressive. Poor kid is just starting out in one of the worst recessions in history..do it as a mitzvah.

Holy crap! $50! How rich are you that you could even consider sending a check that large to a virtual stranger.