Pregnant with Number 2 and Feeling Conflicted

[Anonymous]

I know I saw a post about this recently, but I can't shake my feelings and am hoping for some words of wisdom. I'm 7 weeks along with No. 2. No. 1 is almost 19 months old. I *know* I wanted to get pregnant and I *know* I ultimately want my son to have a sibling, so maybe I'm just falling victim to fluctuating hormones. But I feel on the verge of tears about bringing a new baby into my son's life. This morning he wanted this and that (a book read, cheerios, etc.). And all I kept thinking was, "how am I going to do this with two?" or "what if he feels rejected when I can't read a book to him because I'm feeding/changing/etc No. 2?" It just breaks my heart, even though I know that it is a gift to have a sibling (I have one and am so grateful for it). I'm also so sad that he will never remember this special time that he had with just my husband and myself. It feels like a magical time, and he will know nothing of it. I have heard over and over again that all of this is normal, that when No. 2 arrives I will wonder what life was like before s/he came, and that my heart will expand to accomodate all the love that I could possibly feel for both of them. But I just can't seem to shake this growing concern I have that somehow I've made a "mistake." That I'm not up to the challenge. That my son will somehow be scarred by this decision. Ugh. Anyone have any words of wisdom here?? Thanks!

[Anonymous]

My two boys are 21 months apart.

Was there an adjustment period for my older son? Sure. Was it all roses? No.

And, the first few months are the hardest. But you should see the two of them together now... they are BEST FRIENDS. And, ironically, the little one has brought the older one forward in ways that I never could have as a parent. (For example, I think if I had jumped off the third stair, my older son would not have necessarily believed that HE could do it... but when his fearless little brother does it, he's convinced that he can do it TOO... and he can!)

And while your older son may have to learn some patience, there is no need for the book reading to stop. There will be plenty of time to read books to him, while holding/nursing the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My two boys are 21 months apart.

Was there an adjustment period for my older son? Sure. Was it all roses? No.

And, the first few months are the hardest. But you should see the two of them together now... they are BEST FRIENDS. And, ironically, the little one has brought the older one forward in ways that I never could have as a parent. (For example, I think if I had jumped off the third stair, my older son would not have necessarily believed that HE could do it... but when his fearless little brother does it, he's convinced that he can do it TOO... and he can!)

And while your older son may have to learn some patience, there is no need for the book reading to stop. There will be plenty of time to read books to him, while holding/nursing the baby.

I totally agree with this. OP, I felt just like you do and I cried the night before I went into the hospital to be induced because I felt like I was abandoning my then 2 year old son. Fast forward 14 months later and my two sons are also best friends. My younger son is always so excited to see his older brother when he wakes up from his nap and my older son always gives my younger son kisses before he goes to bed. As an only child, it is a beautiful thing for me to see. There have been some rough times and things are definitely chaotic, but I love seeing them together and watching their relationship grow. It is hard to give both of them the amount of attention they want sometimes, but I think overall they get lots of love and I hope as they get older their relationship continues to be close. This time is short and your son will not really remember any of it so just give him lots of hugs and attention now and just keep telling him about the baby that is coming. I don't think my older son really got it until the baby was home from the hospital, but there was never any resentment or anger from him. You will all just learn to adjust.

[Anonymous]

Op, I could have written your EXACT post. Even down to when you were thinking about how your older child won't remember this alone time whereas it's so special to you and your DH (really, we my DH and I were just talking about this at dinner last nite!). My son will be 2.5 when my baby is born (I'm 32 weeks). I feel conflictedall the time. He keeps talking about his baby sister, but I don't know how much he "gets."

I wish I had better words of wisdom for you, but just letting you know that I feel so, so similarly...

[Anonymous]

Oh my gosh, I cried ALL OF THE TIME when I was pregnant with second, afraid of the change, afraid of how it would change my daughter, afraid of how it would affect our little family of three. But like all things that must change, it is not nearly so bad when it happens, it was actually pretty awesome. true, my second does not get nearly the attention my first did, but I am thinking that is now a good thing and they are such good friends. I have also found with the second that I am focused more on just who she is rather than waiting for the next milestone. It is more fun!!!

But, it is okay to be miserable sometimes, my god, your preggers, we have to cry about something, right?!?!

GOOD LUCK!

[Anonymous]

I feel my life is so much richer with my two siblings. I am the oldest and things were more fun when they entered the picture.

I wish I were in your situation. I had a mc a few weeks ago. I was feeling the same feelings of conflict and now feel so guilty for ever feeling that way.


Enjoy your dc now and do special things before baby. You will have many more special times - just with two kids!