Etiquiette question about bridal shower gift - buy one if not attending?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend that I have only seen once in the last 7 years (since moving here from about 6 hours away). We exchange maybe 1 email a year, if that. We are college friends who used to get together sometimes after we graduated only because we worked in the same downtown area and lived nearby one another. I've never met her husband to be. She sent me a bridal shower invitation - and I don't intend to go. If I still lived nearby and we saw each other once every few months or so, I'd attend - but the drive is too long. Not sure if I'm attending the wedding either. I'll probably send a wedding gift, even if I don't attend, but do I have to send a bridal shower gift if I"m not going?

[Anonymous]

No you do not need to send a gift to the bridal shower if you are not attending, especially if you are not very close.

When I had my wedding shower and some of my good friends could not come...they did not send gifts and I did not care.

People who could not attend the wedding though did send gifts and I appreciated that. But some close friends who did not attend did not send wedding gifts and I understood.

I do not think you need to send a gift necessarily for the wedding if you do not attend, but its a nice gesture.

[Anonymous]

Don't send a gift, although a card would be nice.

[Anonymous]

No gift if not attending the shower. I agree, I'd send a wedding gift if not attending the ceremony, though.

[Anonymous]

Thanks all!!!

[Anonymous]

Definitely no to the shower; maybe to the wedding - it depends on how close you are.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

I would normally send a gift even if I was attending. However, this invite seems very gift grabby to me. Did she invite every woman she knows to her shower?? I think it's pretty tacky to invite someone who isn't local and with whom you only communicate once a year via email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would normally send a gift even if I was attending. However, this invite seems very gift grabby to me. Did she invite every woman she knows to her shower?? I think it's pretty tacky to invite someone who isn't local and with whom you only communicate once a year via email.

OP here -- this thought did cross my mind. I wasn't sure it was normal protocol that if you plan on inviting the woman to your wedding, you should invite them to the shower as well and maybe that's why she invited me? Thoughts?