Is it strange to have one child in private school and one in public?

[Anonymous]

We have one child going into first grade in private school. It has been a huge financial strain, but we are pleased with the school for this child, whose needs are being addressed. Our second child will need to apply for K this year, and we are seriously considering public--child #2 doesn't have any real reason to be in private, unlike child #1 who does. We'd prefer for DC2 to go to public school, but are concerned that down the road, it will prove untenable, mainly for sibling rivalry purposes--along the lines of "my older sibling got private school, but I had to go to public school"--but also logistically, etc. Where I grew up I never heard of one child going private and the other public. My sister tells me it is normal to do that today, but I'm not sure I fully believe her.

Any thoughts? Anyone do this or know someone who does? Thanks in advance.

[Anonymous]

My brother and I went to different schools at different times. He was in GT classes at public school and I was in regular classes. When I moved up to middle school, I missed out by an IQ point or two of being in those same GT classes. My mom was pretty pissed so she switched us both to private school. My brother got kicked out (way to go!) and went back to public HS while I stayed in private. I know of a few familes w/ kids in different schools. Kids are different so why should one school fit all of them? Kids will ALWAYS have complain about something so I wouldn't base their educational needs on them complaining. Just explain your reasoning and leave it at that (if they ask). No need to bring it up if they don't and no need to explain it over and over again. You are the parent and you make the decisions when they are younger based on their needs.

[Anonymous]

I went to public while my siblings went to private.

But we all started out in public schools. When my parents pulled my siblings out, they gave me the choice to move as well. I chose not to, so I never had any resentment over it.

And as I ended up at Stanford while my siblings went to "lesser" schools, I hardly had anything to be bitter about.

I think that you might have more of an issue if you start the kids out on separate tracks.

[Anonymous]

I went to public while my siblings went to private.

But we all started out in public schools. When my parents pulled my siblings out, they gave me the choice to move as well. I chose not to, so I never had any resentment over it.

And as I ended up at an Ivy school while my siblings went to "lesser" colleges, I hardly had anything to be bitter about.

It seems like the other PP also started out in public schools with her brother. I honestly think that you might have more of an issue if you start the kids out on separate tracks.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 children. The two girls are in private and my son is in public because of his special needs. And while I tried very hard to get him into the private school, it just was not a good fit. In retrospect, I am glad that he is not in the private school. The public school is required to meet his needs and the private school just does not have the resources. It is a little tough at home because he can clearly see the difference and he sometimes asks why he cannot go to their school. We tell him that he has needs that are best met at his school and that his school is better for him. We initially made the decision to do private school because our DC neighborhood school was not an option and we did not get into any out of boundary schools. Now that we have our son at a "good" DC elementary school which is right around the corner from the girls' school (easier to get in out of boundary due to special needs), my DH is wondering why we are still paying so much for private school. However, now that I have had a taste of the private school, I don't want to take the girls out.

In short, I think you should make the decision based on what is best for each child. As long as you don't send a message to your children that one option is better than the other then I think it is doable. But even with that said, I would have my son in private school if I could find one that could meet his needs. And I will probably revisit the private school option when it it time for him to go to middle school if things do not improve in the district.

[Anonymous]

I'd also decide based on what's best for each kid. Hopefully you can find a good way to explain what it is that makes that particular private school right for one and that public school right for the other to them?

[Anonymous]

I'm one of three kids. I went to public except for two middle school years at a private; one sibling went to private from the beginning, and another went to a different private but transferred to public after eighth grade. None of us are resentful. In each case there were "special needs," broadly defined, and the schools met our needs. There's no rivalry based on it.

We have a neighbor with one at a well-known DC private and another in public. She says she used to worry about the public-school kid feeling resentful but he doesn't -- he is happy and likes his school.

[Anonymous]

I would apply for a spot for the sib at private, and then see what discounts in tuition I could get for having 2 at the same school.
It is worth trying. Maybe you could get 2 for the price of 1.

[Anonymous]

What needs does the private school meet for child #1 that a public school cannot? If you feel it's a huge financial strain already, you might want to consider that. I don't think it's unreasonable to have one child in private and one in public. I do think, though, that you might want to seriously consider whether public school could meet your first child's needs. If it's a disability-related issue, as another poster noted, public schools are required to provide a wide range of services and accommodations while private schools aren't. I am just assuming you didn't try public for your first child, and I may be wrong about that.

[Anonymous]

I knew three girls (different families) in college who's brothers went to private and they went to public. Usually they were from "macho" ethnic backgrounds where boys' educations were considered worth the cost of private but girl's were not (i.e., traditional Italians) and I think the girls always knew they were less valued as this distinction is hard to rationalize. I would hate to unintentionally make a child feel this way.

[jhuber]

The Gazette just wrote an article on this topic, titled "Family sends one child to public school, one to private" (Aug. 28th issue, online as well). Link: http://www.gazette.net/stories/08272008/potonew93723_32477.shtml

I don't think it's strange at all. I have seen a number of families who intentionally choose to enroll their children in public and independent schools, seeking to match the needs of each child to the right school. If there's a challenge in doing so, it's logistical - vacation schedules, evening events, etc.