Girls with Asperger's and the boys who like them

[Anonymous]

12-yr old AS DD told me that one of her classmates came over to her at recess today and told her very quickly that "so-and-so likes you", referring to an NT boy in their class. I don't know how high the boy is on the social totem pole (I worry about other girls' reactions) but it reminded me that middle school is right around the corner. DD is a sweet, outgoing kid but poor at reading social cues etc. She's also quite pretty and I also worry about boys using her for "target practice", so to speak.

Wondering if any parents who've been there have any advice.

[Anonymous]

My DD is only seven now but I worry about the same thing.

[Anonymous]

OP, take a breath. It sounds like you are getting way, way ahead of yourself and maybe even potentially ruining what could be a sweet moment in your daughter's life. Analyzing this from the outside, a girl has reported that a boy likes your daughter. That's all. You have skipped ahead to a scenario in which (1) your daughter is being used for "target practice" or (2) this boy is "low on the social totem pole" and the other girls are reacting negatively or tauntingly. I'm sorry, but the leaps of logic there take my breath away and are actually pretty sad for your daughter.

Allow your daughter to have normal moments in her life.

I grew up with a mother who could turn a positive into a negative in the wink of an eye, and it was soul-deadening.

[Anonymous]

OP - my ASD daughter is barely 6 and I worry about this too . I have no advice, though.

[Anonymous]

The title of your post seems to imply that such persons are somehow a species apart. Or that your daughter is liked only because or in spite of her condition. Not because she's a whole person, or an attractive girl.

[Anonymous]

I have an older DC with AS. DD's private school had girls with AS. They did not venture onto or be invited to lots of parties.

I would be worried if she was in public school since these big districts have put AS in with ED -emotionally disabled label that includes ODD,RAD, BP etc. Not based on academics. Google "perfect victim" and Klin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12-yr old AS DD told me that one of her classmates came over to her at recess today and told her very quickly that "so-and-so likes you", referring to an NT boy in their class. I don't know how high the boy is on the social totem pole (I worry about other girls' reactions) but it reminded me that middle school is right around the corner. DD is a sweet, outgoing kid but poor at reading social cues etc. She's also quite pretty and I also worry about boys using her for "target practice", so to speak.

Wondering if any parents who've been there have any advice.

Can you elaborate on this? Because it sounds to me like it matters to you whether or not the boy is "popular" or might become "popular."

Which is perplexing, but help me understand why it matters. Are you concerned about your own child's popularity (and that it might be dragged down by the attention of someone unpopular) or are you assigning stereotypes to the popular kids (that a popular boy might be predatory).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12-yr old AS DD told me that one of her classmates came over to her at recess today and told her very quickly that "so-and-so likes you", referring to an NT boy in their class. I don't know how high the boy is on the social totem pole (I worry about other girls' reactions) but it reminded me that middle school is right around the corner. DD is a sweet, outgoing kid but poor at reading social cues etc. She's also quite pretty and I also worry about boys using her for "target practice", so to speak.

Wondering if any parents who've been there have any advice.

Can you elaborate on this? Because it sounds to me like it matters to you whether or not the boy is "popular" or might become "popular."

Which is perplexing, but help me understand why it matters. Are you concerned about your own child's popularity (and that it might be dragged down by the attention of someone unpopular) or are you assigning stereotypes to the popular kids (that a popular boy might be predatory).

Well, my comment was completely misinterpreted. I worry about whether the boy might be one of the popular boys, jocks, whatever you want to call it, whom a lot of girls are interested in. I worry about my daughter being victimized by other girls who have set their sights on that boy if that's the case. Nothing would please me more than if the boy in question were a kid who gets little notice from anybody else. You may feel I'm being over dramatic about the whole thing but a friend of mine reported a situation to me last year in which girls at a school we used to attend before moving here literally came to blows over a boy--these were 11-year olds--and one of them was suspended.

I guess I'm worried about helping my kid navigate an increasingly complicated social scene. I was pretty much a clueless nerd myself all the way through high school so I'm probably not the most skilled person in this area either.

[Anonymous]

OP, don't make this about your issues. Your concerns are valid but your getting way ahead of what you know, that a boy likes your daughter, a very normal social experience. As a PP suggested, let her have the sweet moment!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an older DC with AS. DD's private school had girls with AS. They did not venture onto or be invited to lots of parties.

I would be worried if she was in public school since these big districts have put AS in with ED -emotionally disabled label that includes ODD,RAD, BP etc. Not based on academics. Google "perfect victim" and Klin.

Which public schools are those, please?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an older DC with AS. DD's private school had girls with AS. They did not venture onto or be invited to lots of parties.

I would be worried if she was in public school since these big districts have put AS in with ED -emotionally disabled label that includes ODD,RAD, BP etc. Not based on academics. Google "perfect victim" and Klin.

Which public schools are those, please?

The districts like MOCO and FCPS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an older DC with AS. DD's private school had girls with AS. They did not venture onto or be invited to lots of parties.

I would be worried if she was in public school since these big districts have put AS in with ED -emotionally disabled label that includes ODD,RAD, BP etc. Not based on academics. Google "perfect victim" and Klin.

Which public schools are those, please?

The districts like MOCO and FCPS.

I live in MOCo and am unaware of classrooms/programs for kids with Aspergers and "emotionally disabled" children, and secondarily why that would make them "perfect victims."

[Anonymous]

I live in MOCO and I know (by personal experience and those of others) of several programs where kids with Aspergers and High Functioning Autism are placed with students with emotional disabilitites. Kids with AS and HFA are "perfect victims" because of their difficulty with communication, reading body language and social cues, so they can easily be taken advantage of, set up to do something inappropriate (and get in trouble), etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an older DC with AS. DD's private school had girls with AS. They did not venture onto or be invited to lots of parties.

I would be worried if she was in public school since these big districts have put AS in with ED -emotionally disabled label that includes ODD,RAD, BP etc. Not based on academics. Google "perfect victim" and Klin.

Which public schools are those, please?

The districts like MOCO and FCPS.

I live in MOCo and am unaware of classrooms/programs for kids with Aspergers and "emotionally disabled" children, and secondarily why that would make them "perfect victims."

As usual people on DCUM know more than experts. Ever hear of the As study at Yale?

[Anonymous]

Wow. I guess my completely nonverbal child has nothing on kids with HFA in their perfect victimhood.