Advice for dealing with obese teen with emotional disability?
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Anonymous
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My 14 year old daughter is about 5'3'' and weighs nearly 200 lbs. She has high cholesterol and high blood sugar. I am very worried about her health, but all the therapists we've worked with over the years have told me not to focus on this problem right now, as she is still emotionally unstable; no clear Dx but mainly depression, anxiety, mood disorder.
She has seen numerous psychiatrists (during multiple hospitalizations over the past 4 years) and is currently with Dr. Selassie in Bethesda, who came highly recommended by many people. We just completed an unsucessful 6 wk trial of lithium, and she has almost tried every major class of medication alone and in combination at times, with no real success. I cook homemade healthy meals with lots of veggies. But I can't get her to eat them very often...her diet is mostly pasta, fruit, diet soda, and candy (the latter two, she buys with her allowance). My huband and I are both slender and very active (biking, running, yoga). When DD was younger, I had her try many different activities/classes, to try to find something she'd like (refused team sports). She took ice skating, fencing, yoga, cross-country skiing, horseback riding. Now refuses all activity...won't even walk the dog with us. I just got an e-mail from her teacher at school (she is in an ED classroom) saying they notice she is eating a lot -- 3 "honey buns" plus lunch from the cafeteria yesterday. I'm at my wit's end...if I try to talk to her very gently about it, she gets super angry..."You think I'm fat?" Her pediatrician recommended a nutritionist; we made two appointments and had to cancel both because she wouldn't go. Anyone have any advice? |
Anonymous
| I don't have any advice, but my sister has a serious mood disorder and every medicine she has tried alone & in combination makes her voraciously hungry or gives her a dry mouth (which makes her want to drink all day). I don't know how much you can do in this situation--I think you have to deal with the weight once she is stable. The best you can do is try to keep her from gaining too much while you work out her medication. Maybe you should go see the nutritionist solo and get her advice. |
Anonymous
Why is she still getting allowance? |
Anonymous
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At 14, I would be honest and say "yes, you are overweight" and let her know you will help anyway you can.
Other than that, I do not believe there is much else you can do. You can take her to a nutritionist but at her age she likely knows and understands the basic concepts of nutrition. I was an overweight teen and my parents pretending I wasn't overweight just ended up being like an elephant in the room. It would have been better if they were honest with me. |
Anonymous
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Drugs for mood are going to affect her weight. You need to take that for granted. And her emotional disability may as well.
This is not a battle worth fighting right now. Even an overweight teen without psychoaffective drugs and a mood disorder would be burdened by this issue to a significant extent. And you don't want to turn this into the fat teen vs. her skinny parents. |
Anonymous
Of course she should still get an allowance. |
Anonymous
Really? She has high blood sugar and high cholesterol. Her mother is very concerned abotu her health (rightly so). Her mother cooks healthy food, but her daughters dies consists in large part of candy and diet soda, which she purchased WITH HER ALLOWANCE. So why not preclude her from supplementing healthy food with crap? |
Anonymous
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Why shouldn't she get an allowance??
Obviously food is pretty much the only thing making her happy at this point in life--tough situation, OP. |
Anonymous
| ITDA, 10:12. You are not talking about a normal child with a normal psyche, this is a mentally ill teenager who drew a shitty lot in life and is not stable, probably has few or no friends or any normal teenaged life. You have to tread very carefully. |
Anonymous
+1 Hang in there OP. |
Anonymous
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I have no experience with this age of child.
However, I do have experience with being overweight. I have no idea if this would be appropriate for your daughter, but it might be worth looking into lapband weight loss surgery. I have been extremely successful with this surgery, and for me it was a very safe option and insurance paid for it. Again, no idea if this would be an appropriate option for your daughter, but might be worth looking into. |
Anonymous
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Check this out - my friend's daughter had success with this.
http://www.wellspringcamps.com/washingtondc/ |
Anonymous
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OP here: Thanks, esp to 10:17...Dead on. My daughter is adopted; birth parents did not finish HS and are extremely dysfunctional...plus mom took methamphatamine while pregnant. DD has no friends and is very lonely. It is heartbreaking to see her suffer. She gets a modest allowance as an incentive for going to school, which is extremely challenging for her, both academically and emotionally.
Appreciate the other suggestions and input, thanks! |
Anonymous
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My first thought, like PP, was why the allowance. But then I thought about it and realized, stopping her allowance won't help this problem. She'd probably resort to stealing and sneak-ery behavior to get the snacks, which will only compound her problems and self-esteem.
OP I have no advice, but I wish you good luck. I imagine I'd keep trying counselors, maybe a summer camp? Hang in there and good luck! |
Anonymous
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It sounds like she is getting to the point of needing more intensive help then just follow-ups with her doctor. Is she is regular CBT type therapy? Can you see about a brief residential program (not hospital) - more one of the private programs in beautiful settings?
Her weight may also be contributing to her depression. Being obese can prevent her from doing activities she wants, it can contribute to low energy and it can impact self-esteem. So while I understand not making it the focus, it could help to address it as part of the treatment. |