Step mothers when did you tell step kids about new baby

[Anonymous]

I am a step mother to 2 teenagers. My husband's ex-wife has been a problem from day one. I have had to take out a restraining order against her in the past because of stalking and harassment which was so intense my doctor suggested I be treated for stress and exhaustion.

It has been a few years since then and now my husband and I are trying to conceive our first child. I am worried about how my step children will react and even more worried about their mother's reaction. My instinct tells me to delay telling them about a new baby until I am obviously pregnant. The women in my family tend to start showing late around 7 or 8 months.

Of course the advantage would be to not have to deal with the ex-wife drama until the tail end of the pregnancy. On the other hand, waiting will not give the children a lot of time to emotionally prepare for the arrival of a new sibling. I'm not sure how long we should put off telling the kids.

If anyone has been through a similar situation please share how you dealt with it. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I'm a stepmom but have a very different situation -- my stepchild is 5 and I've been in his life since he was 2. So we told him around week 12, when we felt confident the miscarriage risk was behind us. After we told him, we told his mother that we'd told him so she heard it from us instead of him.

So I'm not sure I have any special advice to give you, except that I would think the longer you wait to tell the teenagers (you didn't really say how well you get along with them) the less likely they are to feel bought in and part of the process.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I get along with my stepkids really well. When they are here with us things are great. We're not super close but I would say it is a solid relationship. The problems arise when they go back to their mother's house. They are distant and hostile while they are with her. I don't want to alienate them. Really I want to make sure we do this right.

[Anonymous]

I would tell them during month #3. They are teenagers, and more observant than you know.

Since you are the one who brings them no extra problems, I wouldn't worry too much about their reaction. It sounds like you do a nice job giving them space.

[Anonymous]

OP I feel for you. Went thru the same thing, ex was hell, My DH has two sons from previous marriage, my first was a girl, no problem but when the second one came and was a boy, it was all over. We were super close to the kids, (teenagers at the time), their mother really caused all the problems, told them we now had a new family blah blah blah. I still call them regularly but they will not come see our children. Very strange. Anyway, tell them now and hope for the best. Good luck