I am beside myself.

[Anonymous]

Our son has extreme ADHD (inattention and impulsivity), anxiety, social pragmatic issues, and some motor planning problems. He is very bright and is in K, in a private school. He's been on tons of different ADHD meds and we haven't found anything really effective - and he has been horrible in school recently, including hitting a classmate, not paying attention, refusing to do anything, etc. I am struggling so much with the realization that I don't have control over this person, and that there is only so much we can do - which is impossible for me to accept given my love for him. Has anyone else gone through this process? We've worked so hard for so many years to give him every conceivable therapy, resource, etc. and at a certain point it just isn't in our hands. Obviously we will continue to do everything humanly possible to support and help him - but how do you accept the fact that it ultimately isn't in your control?

[Anonymous]

Maybe a support group or therapist would help.

OP, a big hug to you. I can relate to your difficult time. We are having one right now ourselves. It sounds like you are doing everything you possibly can.

[Anonymous]

OP: I can relate to you as well and we are going through the same thing. How is the school reacting? What school does he go to. I hope they have been helpful. Do you notice that a pattern re: ups and downs.? We notice our son will go along fine and then has a spurt of terrible behavior. I wish knew more b/c we haven't even gone down the med road yet. You have seen no changes from meds? Ugh...

[Anonymous]

Something isn't working and needs to be changed. Maybe not the meds, but the school? Maybe it isn't the right setting for him. Maybe he needs some other interventions. Maybe he is having anxiety and/or depression and that needs to be addressed as well. If you don't think your doctor is giving you more options, maybe you need another doctor.

[Anonymous]

Hi, OP, we're going through a rough patch, too. It is very disheartening. I wonder, too, about the school situation. Are there any other options? A school more tailored to his needs?

[Anonymous]

You can drive yourself crazy trying to think up ways that you can do more and do better. You are not perfect and neither is your child. I too, truly believe deep down that there's only so much you can do and they can do.

Sure, look at other programs. Look at another doctor. Examine if anything has changed in his routine or life that may be instigating this. But honestly, take a deep breath and realize this is life too. Whatever you do, do not under any circumstances go off the deep end and start making major changes because of an impulse that you must be doing something.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our son has extreme ADHD (inattention and impulsivity), anxiety, social pragmatic issues, and some motor planning problems. He is very bright and is in K, in a private school. He's been on tons of different ADHD meds and we haven't found anything really effective - and he has been horrible in school recently, including hitting a classmate, not paying attention, refusing to do anything, etc. I am struggling so much with the realization that I don't have control over this person, and that there is only so much we can do - which is impossible for me to accept given my love for him. Has anyone else gone through this process? We've worked so hard for so many years to give him every conceivable therapy, resource, etc. and at a certain point it just isn't in our hands. Obviously we will continue to do everything humanly possible to support and help him - but how do you accept the fact that it ultimately isn't in your control?

Sounds like my DS at age 6. At age 8 we added Prozac in addition to Adderrall. The improvement is incredible. I now see that his anxiety was worse than his ADHD, and now that the anxiety is under control he's doing extremely well. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Definitely look into the anxiety angle. My niece was out of control too - they kept upping her ADHD meds with no good effects. They treated the anxiety (meds and CBT type therapy) and there has been an incredible improvement. Her social skills still aren't stellar but she can now regulate her behavior and emotion.

[Anonymous]

My (NT) kids' behavior has been really shaky this past month. I don't know why but I wonder if they are either reacting to the pollen which ahas been very high this month if you are in the DC area -- or are having a reaction to the allergy meds I have been using to treat -- Zyrtec. It seems like they have a shorter fuse than usual. Any chance that something like that could be affecting your son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My (NT) kids' behavior has been really shaky this past month. I don't know why but I wonder if they are either reacting to the pollen which ahas been very high this month if you are in the DC area -- or are having a reaction to the allergy meds I have been using to treat -- Zyrtec. It seems like they have a shorter fuse than usual. Any chance that something like that could be affecting your son?

Yes, have found the same. Although it might be the allergies, not the medicine used to treat it, that is the culprit. Having the same issues with DC. If you google ADHD and allergies, there is some documentation. What to do about it is another question. DC does not respond to allergy tests as if he has any, but clearly does.

[Anonymous]

OP- I could have written your post (and the other PPs). There is no "control" only management, goal setting and working through things day by day. I'm lucky to have met people along the way that give me the perspective to see the forest and the trees. They also help me realize that he won't be like this forever and he will grow up to be ok.

It has taken a monumental effort to get my DS's school to understand the right way to work with him. Between his avoidance and his very strong manipulation skills he needs a consistent, firm behavior program.

You said you are in private, but are you in one that allows you to have an IEP? Are you in one with any specialists who deal with behavioral and impulsivity issues? It makes all the difference in the world for impulsive kids to have clear expectations set for them that work in every single setting during every minute of the day.

Also- we are completely out of whack with allergy season here. Shorter fuse, shorter attention span and sleepier all around. It has slowed my son down, but not in any of the ways that need to be slowed down. And the allergy meds do nothing unless I give him benedryl at night.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP,
We also struggled for many years between ages 4 and about 9. But you know, time does help, sometimes they just need help with developing and time plays a big part in that. Something that I think helped with the anxiety piece was play therapy. I spent time, not a lot, like 15 minutes or so, every day with DC on the floor playing his games. Action figures, legos, etc. I did not lead it, but just "played." That really helps keep things calm and opens up communication. I would suggest it. Also I got therapy for myself because I was so anxious that I could not really "control" DC. I learned through therapy that you can't really control another person and I became a more relaxed and happy person. You have to learn to say "so what" about the ruined Thanksgiving meal with the in-laws... or the party you have to leave early... you just say "so what" and move on. Keep loving and working with your child and let them know that you love them unconditionally. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel your pain. My 5.5 year old ADHD boy is exhausting me to no end. Like the PP, I feel very anxious that I can't "control" him. I just tried to extract him from a playdate... he's running away from me laughing and I feel like I look like a complete idiot, pathetic person. But I guess I focus on the good-- that he had a successful playdate. Even with the rules, the redirecting, the priming....I read all this stuff and I am trying so hard, but it feels like his opposition is constant. His first response always seems to be "no." Not on meds yet and we are starting play therapy. I agree also that allergy season is exacerbating this dip in behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP,
We also struggled for many years between ages 4 and about 9. But you know, time does help, sometimes they just need help with developing and time plays a big part in that. Something that I think helped with the anxiety piece was play therapy. I spent time, not a lot, like 15 minutes or so, every day with DC on the floor playing his games. Action figures, legos, etc. I did not lead it, but just "played." That really helps keep things calm and opens up communication. I would suggest it. Also I got therapy for myself because I was so anxious that I could not really "control" DC. I learned through therapy that you can't really control another person and I became a more relaxed and happy person. You have to learn to say "so what" about the ruined Thanksgiving meal with the in-laws... or the party you have to leave early... you just say "so what" and move on. Keep loving and working with your child and let them know that you love them unconditionally. Hang in there!

Not OP, but thanks for this post.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. You deserve a great big hug and some reassurance too. Your child will get better as he gets older. He get better impulse control because, to some degree, brain maturation will take place. I know that doesn't help you much now though.

We saw a great psychiatrist in Arlington, Dr. Nematzadhi, who put our child on the right medication the first time around. Within two weeks his teachers noticed a difference (and we didn't even tell them he was on meds). I've seen three psychiatrists with some pretty big names in this area but she was the one who helped out child the most. Maybe give her a call.