Take something to no gift party?

[Anonymous]

We were invited to a birthday party for one of my husband's co-workers. The invitation says "no gifts". I'm clueless as to whether we should take something or not! In our usual circle, no one has birthday parties that are "formal" enough to warrent a paper invitation. (Maybe an evite, but usually just an email along the lines of "we're having a BBQ to celebrate Joe's birthday. Stop by!") He's the new guy at work, so we haven't been to any other social events with his co-workers and he doesn't feel like he knows people well enough to ask around about whether gifts are common. I'm thinking we should take a $30 bottle of wine (if they drink, they can enjoy it later, and if not, they can serve it that night). Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

I was thinking wine too.

[Anonymous]

Your solution is perfect, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were invited to a birthday party for one of my husband's co-workers. The invitation says "no gifts". I'm clueless as to whether we should take something or not! In our usual circle, no one has birthday parties that are "formal" enough to warrent a paper invitation. (Maybe an evite, but usually just an email along the lines of "we're having a BBQ to celebrate Joe's birthday. Stop by!") He's the new guy at work, so we haven't been to any other social events with his co-workers and he doesn't feel like he knows people well enough to ask around about whether gifts are common. I'm thinking we should take a $30 bottle of wine (if they drink, they can enjoy it later, and if not, they can serve it that night). Thoughts?

What is it that you and other people do not or cannot understand that "no gifts" means EXACTLY that, don't bring a gift!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Oh, FFS. No gifts. NO GIFTS! Why is this so ambiguous to some people? Don't take a damn gift. GOD. (said in Napolean Dynamite voice)

[Anonymous]

They said "no gifts" you are proposing to bring a $30 gift. Why not "no gift"?

[Anonymous]

I am so confused! I was driving today and I saw a sign that said STOP. Should I stop for signs like that or is the custom that you don't stop? We're new around here and so we don't know people well enough to ask about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so confused! I was driving today and I saw a sign that said STOP. Should I stop for signs like that or is the custom that you don't stop? We're new around here and so we don't know people well enough to ask about this.

I am thinking you should just slow down and roll through the intersection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so confused! I was driving today and I saw a sign that said STOP. Should I stop for signs like that or is the custom that you don't stop? We're new around here and so we don't know people well enough to ask about this.

I am thinking you should just slow down and roll through the intersection.

Well, that does seem to be the custom here.

[Anonymous]

A bottle of wine is the perfect solution. It is a hostess gift, not necessarily a birthday gift. You're not empty-handed, you've provided something that could be used at the party, or saved for later, and you've not really "violated" the no gift request.

[Anonymous]

Exactly -- it's a hostess gift. (Assuming this party is in the co-worker's home).

No Gifts = Don't give me some piece of crap I don't want/need/and will have to remember not to regift right back to you.

Invite to someone's home = Bring a freaking bottle of wine, were you raised by wolves?

Although $30 is on the high side. That buys two boxes in my household.

[Anonymous]

We have had "no gift" parties and we really meant "no gift." The gift is seeing people. If someone outright says "don't bring a gift" I would honor their request.

[Anonymous]

Attached is something from "Good Housekeeping." Gift giving when the invitation says "no gifts" is mentioned. It's not recommended. I've had it happen. We say no gifts-in a nice way-someone brings a gift. Then others feel bad and a few days later I am receiving gifts in the mail. I want my kids to see that spending times with friends is the gift. One person sets off a chain reaction and our message becomes meaningless. We have a small home and don't have room for more stuff. Please honor your hostess's request.

http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/family/etiquette/etiquette-mistakes-oct05

[Anonymous]

If you can't find space for a bottle of wine, I'm not sure I want to go to a party at your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can't find space for a bottle of wine, I'm not sure I want to go to a party at your house.

I can find space in our small space, but can guarantee one of my kids will end up knocking it over accidentally. My kids can be wild. Sorry it offends you that we say-come enjoy a party with us. We loved to see you! We will give you a home cooked meal and treats and all we hope is that you will join us. I've been invited to many a wedding, shower etc where I am directed to a registry filled with pricey gifts. How terrible of us to to say to our friends "your presence is present enough." We must be heathens!