Sensitive situation nephew with drug issue WWYD

[Anonymous]

My nephew, who is 19 has had some issues with drugs (lots of pot, recently oxy) and now I just learned from his sister (confidentially) that he is using heroin and trying to get off (according to him) on his own, via methadone clinic. I am doubting the methadone part, but I do think he may be addicted to heroin. She said he told her in confidence and not to tell his dad (the only viable parent in this situation). His dad is my brother, and we are pretty close. I could not handle someone knowing this about my child and not telling me. Particularly, as I have felt strongly that this was where he was headed as he didn't get treatment of any kind (therapy or in or out patient) for the persistent and previous drug issues.

I know I have a moral obligation to keep her confidence, but I also have a moral obligation to try to help save this kid's life. WWYD? I could tell her that she has to tell her dad, or I will. I could tell my nephew the same (which would cue him that his sister told me). Or I could just tell my brother and hopefully we can get going on an intervention. He has to admit himself (I think) to rehab at this age (almost 20).

He lives in Boulder and is a smart kid before all of this happened, attending CU Boulder, but recently failed out.

Wow, this is hard and so sad.

All advice welcome.

[Anonymous]

I'd tell your neice that you need to tell her Dad, and that if she doesn't you will.

[Anonymous]

This is a really tough situation and I'm sorry you have to deal with it.

Bottom line is your brother needs to know this. This isn't a situation where your nephew's smoking cigarettes or pot and a little lag time won't hurt anyone. It's heroin--one overdose and he's done. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I withheld this information from my brother and then my nephew was hurt or died. Maybe you can't save him, but I think it's your obligation to do everything you can to try, including talking to his parents.

You have an obligation to keep your niece's confidence in most situations, but I think this is one that calls for breaking the trust. Just like when a therapist hears someone threaten his own or someone else's life.

[Anonymous]

Of course tell your brother!!! like TODAY. Get this kid some help. Both your nephew and your niece will thank you for it one day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell your neice that you need to tell her Dad, and that if she doesn't you will.

Yes. Talk to your niece and let her know that this is a situation her Dad needs to know about. Ask her what would be more comfortable for her: for her to tell him or for you to tell him? Give her a window of 24 hours.

I'm sorry they are going through this.

[Anonymous]

Disclaimer: my good student, professionally accomplished younger brother died from a drug overdose. He had moderate doses of oxy and cocaine in his system, and he had a massive stroke and died. I would recommend talking to your niece first and explaining why her father needs to know, then tell him. I am obviously biased from my family's trauma, but terrible accidents happen all the time with these drugs. It's different than experimentation and risk-taking with booze. Sorry to be alarmist, but I think it's important to intervene early and often. I know it's hard, my best to you and your family.

[Anonymous]

This is not a confidence that you can keep. Frankly, if you were my sister and you kept this information from me, this would cost us our relationship.

You do not have a moral obligation to keep a confidence about an adolescent's drug use from a parent. Especially a family member. You can and should explain to your niece why you are not going to keep the secret, but it is not a confidence that can be kept. Someone's life and health is at stake.

I would not give her the option of doing it herself, since she obviously has refrained from doing so.

[Anonymous]

You don't have a "moral obligation" to keep her confidence. What did you do, pinky swear? You can give your niece a heads up that you will be telling her dad, but yes, you need to tell him. I don't know how this is even a question. This is someone's LIFE you are talking about, not some idle gossip that was passed on to you.

[Anonymous]

Would you want to know if it were your child? I would so I can get him more help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell your neice that you need to tell her Dad, and that if she doesn't you will.

I would do the same except that I would give her no more than 24 hours to tell him and then I would call him. Good luck to all of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell your neice that you need to tell her Dad, and that if she doesn't you will.

I would do the same except that I would give her no more than 24 hours to tell him and then I would call him. Good luck to all of you.

Yep. I'm also betting that your niece's telling you was a cry for help. On some level, I'm sure she's hoping you- or someone- will intervene to help. Heroin is one of the toughest addictions to kick. An out-patient methadone clinic won't come close to cutting it. He needs to be in an inpatient rehab program immediately.

And if you tell your brother and he's in denial and doesn't want to do something, please do what you can to help your nephew.

[Anonymous]

This is your nephew's life. It's a life or death situation. Let them be mad at you, but you HAVE to tell your brother. Your nephew is in way over his head and he needs help.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is a matter of life and death. Talk to your brother like NOW. Your niece is probably feeling tortured keeping this secret. If your nephew were to overdose (quite possible it could happen) and your brother found out that you knew he was an addict and didn't tell him... well, I would never speak to you again.

[Anonymous]

OP,
Talk to your niece and give her five minutes. It is literally a matter of life or death.

Read mamapundit.com. Her son Henry died of an overdose two years ago at age 18.

[Anonymous]

TELL YOUR BROTHER IMMEDIATELY. There is absolutely no way you can overreact to this kind of information.

My younger brother started with pot, moved to oxy, and them onto heroin. That was five years ago and he's been in and out of rehab ever since. Your nephew needs his family's support to help him recover. Heroin is really serious and statistics aren't on his side here.

I'm sorry, but I see your niece confidences as a non issue here. Pick up the phone and call your brother.