10th anniversary trip- with or without kids?

[Anonymous]

Our kids will be 4 and 6, if that makes a difference. Would you do an international anniversary trip with or without your kids?

[Anonymous]

It is an anniversary trip. You said it twice - in the subject and again in the message. Anniversary to me is about celebrating your marriage, which is different than celebrating our family. The marriage is between 2, not 4 people. At least for me, my anniversary is a thing between me and my husband. A time to mark the day and remember the reasons we took the plunge in the first place.

If you want a family vacation, just call it that or pick a different occasion and go. Which isn't to say it is WRONG to bring your kids... it is just that you are asking the question in the first place, so some part of you personally, and not just me (a stranger), must feel that this should be an occasion you celebrate as a couple only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is an anniversary trip. You said it twice - in the subject and again in the message. Anniversary to me is about celebrating your marriage, which is different than celebrating our family. The marriage is between 2, not 4 people. At least for me, my anniversary is a thing between me and my husband. A time to mark the day and remember the reasons we took the plunge in the first place.

If you want a family vacation, just call it that or pick a different occasion and go. Which isn't to say it is WRONG to bring your kids... it is just that you are asking the question in the first place, so some part of you personally, and not just me (a stranger), must feel that this should be an occasion you celebrate as a couple only.

OP here. Good points, though the kind of trip would be determined whether we bring the kids or not, as well as the length of the trip. If we bring them, we might go somewhere "easier" to navigate with kids, vs. if we left them home. And an international trip, to me, means at least a 2 week trip, which is a long time for us to be away from our kids. I've heard from people who are horrified we might bring them and from people who are horrified we'd go without. I was just curious what DCUMers would do. We probably will try do both- a domestic trip somewhere more kid-friendly and an international trip where DH and I have always wanted to go. If finances permit, that is...as well as babysitting arrangements.

[Anonymous]

I'd do the reverse--international trip with the kids (longer) and short domestic vacation with spouse. Because on the latter I'd really be spending more time drunk and naked, less time sightseeing.

[Anonymous]

Do you have someone to leave them with? I would go with just DH for 4-5 nights, not Europe. I wouldn't leave them for 2 weeks. If you want to do the 2 week thing, take the kids, and go away for a weekend at a later time by yourselves.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're right that the character of the trip totally changes when you have kids with you. If you want to go on an "adult" trip - and by adult, I mean long dinners, some of which start at 9:00, drinks, cocktails in the afternoon, complete lack of a schedule or plan some days, museums or other activities that a 4 yo would HATE - there's nothing wrong with leaving your kids with a trusted caregiver (which is of course a prerequisite). We've done it - once for 4 days, once for a week, and once for 11 days - the 5 day and 11 day trips were international. There are plenty of people who will tell you that your kids will be traumatized by this, and question your parenting skills. Please know that those people are crazy/insecure/transferring their own issues to you. If you WANT to bring your kids, then there's nothing wrong with that, of course. But it's equally fine to go on your own. (FWIW, that's what I would do.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd do the reverse--international trip with the kids (longer) and short domestic vacation with spouse. Because on the latter I'd really be spending more time drunk and naked, less time sightseeing.

Gotta love DCUM. Your friends can't just come out and tell you this.

[Anonymous]

If finances permitted, I'd do a week in Europe with just my spouse, and then another week domestically with the kids. A week to enjoy Paris or someplace with just another adult sounds like *heaven* to me! Let us know what you decide. And congratulations on your 10th anniversary!

[Anonymous]

If you have someone you trust and who the kids are comfortable with, I would think you could go without them. We went to England for 7 days (without the Kids) when our kids were that age and everything went well..

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP. Drunken, naked long weekend in ny, Baltimore or on the eastern shore. Maybe five days in Paris Family trip to SC, Florida or Bermuda. Your kids won't remember much of Europe at this age.

[Anonymous]

If you want to have sex or otherwise improve your marriage, leave the kids at home. Trust me, I am currently on an international vacation with my four-year-old and my husband. I don't really regret bringing the kid because I would miss her and it is a great experience for her, but this is no romantic experience!!!

[Anonymous]

Whatever you guys are comfortable with. I would do the long trip with the kids. If you and the kids are okay with some time apart, I would also do a weekend getaway nearby sans kids, assuming you have reliable childcare.