Separation Agreement

[Anonymous]

Husband and I are working on our separation agreement. He presented me with a first draft from his lawyer. I will be meeting with my lawyer next week. We have 2 kids and a house that is under water. I will be staying in the house and we will be splitting the cost of the mortgage, insurance and taxes associated with the house. There is language in the SA that the house will be sold or bought out by one party 5 years after agreement is signed. Our incomes are 63%/37% with husband earning the higher amt. We will be alternating weekends with the kids and at this time he comes over 2x a week and eats dinner with us and puts the kids to bed. We are trying to keep our separation non-contentious. For those who have gone thru this, can you please tell me what language you might suggest that I have put in SA? I know that someone once suggested right of first refusal for the kids, which I would never have thought of. Looking for language that you wish you had put in. Appreciate any advice you might have.

[Anonymous]

One parent moving away and transportation costs. Also he may want to take the kids out on weekdays rather than come for dinner at some point in the near future so that should be accounted for. For example - if you moved a new boyfriend in next month your ex might not want visitation at your house.

[Anonymous]

Relocation is important but usually part of a divorce, not separation agreement.

I'm not following the house. Why are both of your contributing 50% when you earn less? And in five years what if one of you wants to sell and the other wants to buy out the other, how to resolve? It could get emotional, especially if he wants to move in with a new wife or family.

Think through scenarios.

Have you met with a lawyer before?

[Anonymous]

If both of you are working (and it sound like you are) and dpending on age of children, you may want to address aftercare costs or daycare costs or summer camp/care costs. Those costs can be high and it can take a while (6 months) to get to a permanent settlement.

Insurance policies is also worth spelling out. Who will maintain chidlren on health insurance and how will health care premiums be divided? If he has any life insurance policies, you should ask he continue to keep them current.

Did you request any temporary child support? You should look into this. My attorney indicated that if you can do without in the temporary order, it can be harder to get it at a higher level than court-mandated formulas in a permanent settlement. I don't know the answer.

[Anonymous]

what caused the seperation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Relocation is important but usually part of a divorce, not separation agreement.

I'm not following the house. Why are both of your contributing 50% when you earn less? And in five years what if one of you wants to sell and the other wants to buy out the other, how to resolve? It could get emotional, especially if he wants to move in with a new wife or family.

Think through scenarios.

Have you met with a lawyer before?

Probably because she is keeping the house and he is having to pay 100% of another residence. Therefore she is paying 25% of residential costs and he is paying 75%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:what caused the seperation

Meddling trolls.

[Anonymous]

Are you in Maryland? There's a specific formula for child support there, and you may want to request that he adhere to that formula (based on income, time spent with each parent, health care, etc.)

You may also want to include who pays for health, dental, and vision care costs not covered by insurance.

[Anonymous]

23:09 She is not keeping the house under the current language, they sell it or buy each other out in five years, and given their income differential will not have the upper hand in five years. I am concerned this was OP's husband's idea and it benefits him.


OP it's one thing to keep things civil but please negotiate for contingencies. What if you get laid off? What if there is a dispute about the house in five years?

Just negotiate getting as much as you can NOW. Trust me, I negotiated optimistically and got burned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:23:09 She is not keeping the house under the current language, they sell it or buy each other out in five years, and given their income differential will not have the upper hand in five years. I am concerned this was OP's husband's idea and it benefits him.


OP it's one thing to keep things civil but please negotiate for contingencies. What if you get laid off? What if there is a dispute about the house in five years?

Just negotiate getting as much as you can NOW. Trust me, I negotiated optimistically and got burned.

OP Here. Thank you for your input on the housing situation. I am also concerned, but have played the scenarios in my head. Before he met with his lawyer, I "assumed" that he would pay me alimony as a benefit to write down his income and I would assume mortgage costs. I presented him an amortization schedule that I wanted included in the agreement. He came back and said that he wanted 50/50 and the abiltiy to deduct mortage interest/taxes every other year. Needless to say, I was quite pissed. I was all set to beg borrow and plead to borrow money to get him off the mortgage. I then thought about it and realized if I did that, I would be in a boat load of debt, but I also am losing his motivation to give me additional funds. We discussed and he suggested that he pay 63% of the mortgage and I pay 37%. I have concerns about this. I am not confident that his earings will stay at his current level and that they will go down - maybe to the point where I have the larger percentage. I think that I would rather keep it at 50/50 and possibly try for a small alimony amout to make up the difference.

Yes, I had language put in the agreement about life insurance - another one I got off this forum - thanks for that!

I am meeting with my lawyer next week to go over agreement and my concerns. Please keep the suggestions coming! Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Make sure he is redisability insurance, too -- including if he starts his own business.

Life insurance: Make it an amount, not a percentage of income. Make sure you are the person named to control the proceeds.

But at 50-50 you should alternate the mortgage deduction, no?

Also, do not give up the child exemption. It is yours if the children are with you more. I gave mine away without knowing.

How long have you been married? Make sure it's 10 years so you get his Social Security benefit upon retirement if you do not remarry. (I have learned so much on my own in the past 15 years!) This seems distant but it could mean thousands.

Another considering: language covering financial aid for private school and college in the event of remarriage. The new spouse's income gets lumped in making FA impossible if one of you marries a high earner. Many lawyers do not know this, their clients are so high income.

[Anonymous]

oops makes sure he is required to carry disability insurance ...

These are suggestions!

[Anonymous]

OP, the key words are "before he met with his lawyer..."

You need to meet with your lawyer, pronto. Preferably a better one than he has. The amount you spend on a lawyer will be more than repaid when you get a fairer agreement than what your husband is proposing.

[Anonymous]

Oops - 14:52 here - I missed that you're meeting with your lawyer next week.

Ask for the right of first refusal in purchasing the home in five years. As the primary custody holder and the one who's staying there all those years, you should have this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oops - 14:52 here - I missed that you're meeting with your lawyer next week.

Ask for the right of first refusal in purchasing the home in five years. As the primary custody holder and the one who's staying there all those years, you should have this.

also, you have to make clear if he can force the sale even if the home is still underwater in 5 years, and if so, how will the debt be split? If the house is sold in 5 years and there is equity, how will that be split?