agnostics/atheists parents: how do you explain/talk to your kids about it?
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Anonymous
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DD is 3 years old. She is starting to report conversations she and her school friends have. Like a lot of kids her age she is interested in what her friends do, how they do things and will compare with us. I know that the Church/ Jesus topic will come up sooner or later. Here are my questions:
- how can DH and I explain our beliefs and point of views towards religion to her? - How do I teach my child to be confident about our choices? does anyone have advice? TIA |
Anonymous
| oops, just realized I added unnecessary "s"'s to the adjective in my subject.... sorry |
Anonymous
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We teach that everyone is different. Different ethnicities, different races, different cultures, and religious beliefs (or lack of them).
I'm not concerned about the kids being confident in my choices. They need to be confident in their own, whatever that may be. |
Anonymous
| OP again- my bigger question is: how do I teach my child to think for herself and come up to her own conclusions without buying into popular beliefs to fit in? |
Anonymous
| We just told our kids that there are lots of different religious beliefs and that we feel none of them can be proven right/wrong. That when they grow up, they can make their own decisions about religion. We do try to explain what their friends believe without judgment. They are 11 and 9 years of age. |
Anonymous
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I think it depends on whether you are atheist or agnostic.
Do you want not believe in religion and want to pass these beliefs to your child or are you saying "hey I don't know who or what made us and I'm not going to pretend to?" If it's the latter, that's an easy one to explain and frankly easier that explaining any definitive religious or non-religious belief system. |
Anonymous
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I have a preschooler and 1st grader. The older one's BFF is very Christian. DD mentioned "God" for the first time to me a few months ago and how much she loves him. I just said that that was nice.
We have a lot of "some people believe x" conversations, but no one knows for sure. I suppose I will explain more about our beliefs once she asks me about them. Then, I'll know she's ready to hear more. I wouldn't place too much emphasis on it now. |
Anonymous
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"Some people go to church, some people go to synagogue, some people go to other places, some people don't go anywhere."
we also had this lovely conversation: "Grandma goes to church. She loves church. Do you love church?" "No, but we love other things." [desperately trying not to roll my eyes] "Grandma says we should love church!" "I think Grandma should love baseball, just like we love baseball. But she doesn't love baseball." "oh, okay." |
Anonymous
| I try not to worry about it too much yet, knowing that my 6 yo is still at an age when kids will fall for a lot of fairy tale stuff. Other kids have mentioned things about God to him, and he reacts the same way he does when they discuss Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and, most recently, Leprechauns. They debate, and my son is sometimes on the believers' side, sometimes not. When he flat out asks something about religion, eg. "Why does babysitter wear head scarves?" I address it as I do other cultural issues. Give him examples of what different people believe, and if he asks me what I believe I tell him that, too. I really believe kids shouldn't be indoctrinated at a young age, so I try to avoid telling him, "this is what WE believe." I look forward to having philosophical discussions with him when he is more mature, but for now I'm just trying to provide him with the skills to remain open minded. |
Anonymous
| NP interested in other's stories. I'm 32 weeks with our first, I was raised Catholic, DH Unitarian, and DH and myself are Agnostic. We definitely have spiritual belief's, which is what I think we'll emphasize. It's nice to live in an area like DC where it really is a melting pot of people! |
Anonymous
| I was raised Atheist. At a certain point (around 6 or 7) my Mom felt like I needed a community, so we joined the Washington Ethical Society for a few years. It was when I started wondering about what Easter is all about, if I recall. If I feel the need I will do the same. |
Anonymous
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Non-religious person here, raised in non-religious home. My daughter is still young, so I cannot tell you how we addressed this, but I can tell you how it worked for me as a child.
My parents are not religious - my mom goes to church, but we never went as a child and it was never something that she pushed on us at all. Her relationship with the divine is her business, in her opinion. My dad is similar, and they both have their "religions" other than actual religion. When I was a kid, I knew that there were people who went to church on Sundays and people who believed in God the same way that people believe in Santa Claus (I'm sorry if that comparison offends Christians as it always seems to do, but when I was a kid, for me, these two things were of similar spiritual value). I learned about religion as pertains to history both in and out of school, and sporadically did youth group type things with my friends through my sophomore year of high school. I grew up in the midwest and religion as a social institution was fairly unavoidable there. I never felt left out for not being part of a religious community - my parents always just taught me that some people believe one thing and some people believe another. They were careful to include a lot of different religions into their explanations of human spirituality. I am now in my 30s with a young child. I've never been a "member" of a religious community in a former way. We were married in a unitarian church because we liked the venue. Our officiant was a friend of ours who was in seminary. Her readings were spiritual but not liturgical. I do yoga 3-4x per week, which is about as close to religious as I get, outside my love of nice pinot noir and Mad Men, and I love the spiritual elements of yoga. I guess that my question for you is what role your beliefs play in your life. It just wasn't a big deal for my parents growing up. They cared about a lot of things and we talked about a lot of them. If I'd had a question about why we were not religious, I suspect that their answer would be that it's just not something that our family did as a family, but that if I was interested, they would be happy to explain various theologies and take me to churches to explore them. I do not remember asking about those things. My parents are not "atheists" or "agnostics" as such (especially my mom, whose spiritual life is complicated and private), and I think that their non-prioritization of religion in our house resulted in it not being a big deal. |
Anonymous
I think this is difficult. Kids are so young, I am not sure they are able to do this until they are a little older. My DS is young but I will also have this issue. I am secular and my DH is Catholic but non-practicing. I personally did not become totally secular until I was old enough (probably in High school) to question things and understand what was going on around me. I was raised by secular parents who never mentioned religion. It was like it did not exist! |
Anonymous
This is probably a pretty decent approach. It did make me lol a bit! |
Anonymous
| I don't have an answer but am interested in others' approaches. DD is 3 and her super-religious grandparents are coming to visit for a week. So far I have exposed her to religious stories such as the Christmas story, the Passover and Hanukah stories, and some Hindu stories, and she interacts with friends of various faiths, but we haven't addressed the truthfulness of them any more than that of Little Red Riding Hood or Cinderella or other stories we've read. I left the church I was raised in (Mormon) and consider myself agnostic. I want DD to be exposed to many belief systems without being pressured to choose or follow one unless, as an adult, she wants to. |