Mom Cliques. I had no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom cliques are real and they drive mean girl behavior in their daughters. Little girls don’t become exclusionary by themselves. They copy.

Ok so unless the while school is invited, small gatherings are evil cliques and exclusive and wrong. There is zero chance you live by this rule in your own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here—I didn’t ask for your kind opinions on my mom clique story. Believe the post asks to share your favorite mom clique story.

I think it’s pretty obvious why they didn’t invite you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here—I didn’t ask for your kind opinions on my mom clique story. Believe the post asks to share your favorite mom clique story.

Shut your trap troublemaker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom cliques are real and they drive mean girl behavior in their daughters. Little girls don’t become exclusionary by themselves. They copy.

Ok so unless the while school is invited, small gatherings are evil cliques and exclusive and wrong. There is zero chance you live by this rule in your own life.

15 women isn't a small gathering. I doubt OP would have had the same response to 4 or 5 moms from the school having lunch. It sounds like initially it was just a few moms and not awkward but as more and more people started arriving, it became clear it was a very large group and thus more awkward that she had apparently not been told anything about it.

I find it weird how many commenters can't seem to accept the idea that in SOME instances, failing to be more inclusive with invites can be viewed as clique-ish or rude. It's not a very out there idea. If you worked in an office and all the other women in the office got together for lunch but never invited you, would you find that cliquish? If a neighbor had a BBQ and invited every family on the block but you, would it hurt your feelings? I mean, come on.

[Anonymous]

I have never seen this. I’m sure it could exist. But, I don’t know of one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The 15 moms are definitely commenting on this thread defending their choices

Keep repeating this to yourself like a mantra and maybe it will become real

Point made.

[Anonymous]

I read through a lot of this thread really trying to understand the perspective of those who think this is somehow mean but I just don't get it. If it was a well defined group (all moms of a class but one, all moms from the PTA but one, all moms on a particular street but one) I would totally understand. But this does not sound like that's the case. I'm really baffled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom cliques are real and they drive mean girl behavior in their daughters. Little girls don’t become exclusionary by themselves. They copy.

Ok so unless the while school is invited, small gatherings are evil cliques and exclusive and wrong. There is zero chance you live by this rule in your own life.

15 women isn't a small gathering. I doubt OP would have had the same response to 4 or 5 moms from the school having lunch. It sounds like initially it was just a few moms and not awkward but as more and more people started arriving, it became clear it was a very large group and thus more awkward that she had apparently not been told anything about it.

I find it weird how many commenters can't seem to accept the idea that in SOME instances, failing to be more inclusive with invites can be viewed as clique-ish or rude. It's not a very out there idea. If you worked in an office and all the other women in the office got together for lunch but never invited you, would you find that cliquish? If a neighbor had a BBQ and invited every family on the block but you, would it hurt your feelings? I mean, come on.

OP doesn’t even know this crowd well, why they were together or who organized it. So why should this have been an inclusive get together of 100 or more? You make no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The 15 moms are definitely commenting on this thread defending their choices

They’re weirdly triggered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom cliques are real and they drive mean girl behavior in their daughters. Little girls don’t become exclusionary by themselves. They copy.

Ok so unless the while school is invited, small gatherings are evil cliques and exclusive and wrong. There is zero chance you live by this rule in your own life.

You're putting words in OP's mouth. I feel, based on all the clues given, that there is some ambiguity about the closeness of some of the friendships, like she miscalculated just how tight she was with the subdivision friends. Also still need clarification from OP about the regularity of this day drinking get together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom cliques are real and they drive mean girl behavior in their daughters. Little girls don’t become exclusionary by themselves. They copy.

Ok so unless the while school is invited, small gatherings are evil cliques and exclusive and wrong. There is zero chance you live by this rule in your own life.

You're putting words in OP's mouth. I feel, based on all the clues given, that there is some ambiguity about the closeness of some of the friendships, like she miscalculated just how tight she was with the subdivision friends. Also still need clarification from OP about the regularity of this day drinking get together.

No, you are. She said it was only 2 people from her neighborhood. OP was at the winery alone so its not like shes too good for the place. There are no victims in this story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom cliques are real and they drive mean girl behavior in their daughters. Little girls don’t become exclusionary by themselves. They copy.

Ok so unless the while school is invited, small gatherings are evil cliques and exclusive and wrong. There is zero chance you live by this rule in your own life.

15 women isn't a small gathering. I doubt OP would have had the same response to 4 or 5 moms from the school having lunch. It sounds like initially it was just a few moms and not awkward but as more and more people started arriving, it became clear it was a very large group and thus more awkward that she had apparently not been told anything about it.

I find it weird how many commenters can't seem to accept the idea that in SOME instances, failing to be more inclusive with invites can be viewed as clique-ish or rude. It's not a very out there idea. If you worked in an office and all the other women in the office got together for lunch but never invited you, would you find that cliquish? If a neighbor had a BBQ and invited every family on the block but you, would it hurt your feelings? I mean, come on.

OP doesn’t even know this crowd well, why they were together or who organized it. So why should this have been an inclusive get together of 100 or more? You make no sense.

How are you going from 15 to 100? You are making a bunch of assumptions about the size of the community in order to justify your position. But OP actually Iives there and says it felt awkward, so I guess it was awkward for her to see them together. That indicates that the group was expansive enough that it felt strange that OP wasn't extended an invite.

It's so weird to me that some of you can't take that at face value. The other women were also awkward/embarrassed by it. Even they felt like they were being exclusionary!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom cliques are real and they drive mean girl behavior in their daughters. Little girls don’t become exclusionary by themselves. They copy.

Ok so unless the while school is invited, small gatherings are evil cliques and exclusive and wrong. There is zero chance you live by this rule in your own life.

15 women isn't a small gathering. I doubt OP would have had the same response to 4 or 5 moms from the school having lunch. It sounds like initially it was just a few moms and not awkward but as more and more people started arriving, it became clear it was a very large group and thus more awkward that she had apparently not been told anything about it.

I find it weird how many commenters can't seem to accept the idea that in SOME instances, failing to be more inclusive with invites can be viewed as clique-ish or rude. It's not a very out there idea. If you worked in an office and all the other women in the office got together for lunch but never invited you, would you find that cliquish? If a neighbor had a BBQ and invited every family on the block but you, would it hurt your feelings? I mean, come on.

OP doesn’t even know this crowd well, why they were together or who organized it. So why should this have been an inclusive get together of 100 or more? You make no sense.

How are you going from 15 to 100? You are making a bunch of assumptions about the size of the community in order to justify your position. But OP actually Iives there and says it felt awkward, so I guess it was awkward for her to see them together. That indicates that the group was expansive enough that it felt strange that OP wasn't extended an invite.

It's so weird to me that some of you can't take that at face value. The other women were also awkward/embarrassed by it. Even they felt like they were being exclusionary!

What’s the limit, since apparently nobody can be left out. OP doesn’t even know everyone how can it be a snub when you aren’t even tight? If all randoms have to be invited of course it will be a huge get together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom cliques are real and they drive mean girl behavior in their daughters. Little girls don’t become exclusionary by themselves. They copy.

Ok so unless the while school is invited, small gatherings are evil cliques and exclusive and wrong. There is zero chance you live by this rule in your own life.

You're putting words in OP's mouth. I feel, based on all the clues given, that there is some ambiguity about the closeness of some of the friendships, like she miscalculated just how tight she was with the subdivision friends. Also still need clarification from OP about the regularity of this day drinking get together.

She said only 2 were from her subdivision. Out of 15. This wasn’t a block party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just hang out with different moms. The clique stuff abates later on.

No, it does not. These groups actually expand and solidify. The DC will join the same travel teams with dad coaches. Carpools form. Then exclusive sport specific summer training camps. Girls Weekends. Multi-Family Vacations. Social engineering: the DC will take each other to Homecoming, Prom. Parents will join same church. Parents will host huge parties for each other (40th/50th). Kids will serve as bartenders.

DCs will be the Mean Girls/Guys.

I am so glad that this is not actually true where I live. This is a small town or very insular suburb thing. My kids are not going to go to high school with the exact same group of kids they rode the bus with in early elementary, and everyone in my community has broader horizons than what you describe here.

+1 and there were over 100 kids in the elementary school classes, so no one expects events where everyone is invited, not even kids' birthdays.