We're middle-class - do we buy in the rich or poor school district?

[Anonymous]

We are house hunting. Though we don't make a ton by DC standards (100k and I'm a SAHM) we have the cash to buy in any school district we choose.

If you were me, would you:
A. Buy in the "best" school district (Chevy Chase) where most of our children's peers will be much wealthier than us or
B. Buy in a school district where we currently live (Silver Spring) where there is a high percentage of families much poorer than ours (half of kids are eligible for free lunch in middle school)?

They are only in elementary school now and I don't think it makes much of a difference now. However it's middle and high school I'm most concerned with. Will they be challenged? Will they feel like they can't fit into because they don't vacation in Paris? Basically which extreme majority could have more of a negative affect on my child?

[Anonymous]

We are in a similar situation and going with the Churchill district.

[Anonymous]

Go for A. You will not regret it.

[Anonymous]

I have similar concerns to you.....I grew up in a fairly affluent neighborhood and hated the materialism....many of my friends became successful professionally but growing up in that pressure cooker environment was harmful to their mental health. I would look into silver spring but choose your neighborhood very carefully. Look up all the school report cards and look for a school with the lowest "free and reduced lunch rate" and higher test scores. Or better yet, post on the forum and ask about desirable silver spring neighborhoods and school clusters. High levels of poverty, unfortunately, also bring undesirable factors (i.e. more violence, gangs, less parental supervision, etc.).

[Anonymous]

I grew up in an expensive part of Bethesda. My single mom made about a school teacher's salary. We had everything we needed, and lots of extras, but I felt so poor. It really sucked. Only when I went away to college in a working class town did I get any real perspective on the level of wealth and privilege I'd been surrounded by.

OP, not saying what will be best for your family, but my tactic has been to retreat to the relatively less affluent PG County, where my kids will be in the wealthier half of the group at school or in the neighborhood. This feels right to us. There is a lot more diversity. We can choose to go down to one income if we want. No worries about keeping up with the Joneses. Feels like more breathing room.

[Anonymous]

As someone who grew up working poor in an upper middle class neighborhood, I say don't pick either. Try to find a solidly middle class neighborhood where you are neither the richest nor the poorest. Either one is very difficult.

[Anonymous]

+1 PP

[Anonymous]

Obviously, it's hard to answer this question without making crass generalizations about both areas. I think it really depends on what kind of people you are, what kind of values and world view you want to instill in your kids. I live in Silver Spring, but could have afforded Bethesda. We just felt more comfortable in Silver Spring and were worried about some of the same issues you raise in your post. Now here's the crass generalization part: something about Bethesda just rubs me the wrong way. Too many high-powered law firm partners (I say this as a lawyer), consultants and doctors striving to outdo each other and keep up with the Joneses. It's just not down-to-earth enough for me. I do not want my kids to feel like they don't have more than enough when we earn more than $250K, but I feel like if all my neighbors are making twice that, there is a distinct possibility to raise kids that feel deprived even though we're in the top 90-something %. I recognize there are risks in sending your kids to a school that is burdened by a large population of low-income students. But so long as I feel that the school they attend is capable of providing them with a challenging curriculum, I'd rather face those issues than the money issues because I am more familiar with them. I went to public schools with large populations of low-income students, so I feel somewhat equipped to help my kids navigate that environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who grew up working poor in an upper middle class neighborhood, I say don't pick either. Try to find a solidly middle class neighborhood where you are neither the richest nor the poorest. Either one is very difficult.

IMO, Silver Spring would qualify as mddle class (at least by DC area standards). With a 100K income, they would be on the lower side, but certainly not the poorest in most of the close-in SS neighborhoods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, it's hard to answer this question without making crass generalizations about both areas. I think it really depends on what kind of people you are, what kind of values and world view you want to instill in your kids. I live in Silver Spring, but could have afforded Bethesda. We just felt more comfortable in Silver Spring and were worried about some of the same issues you raise in your post. Now here's the crass generalization part: something about Bethesda just rubs me the wrong way. Too many high-powered law firm partners (I say this as a lawyer), consultants and doctors striving to outdo each other and keep up with the Joneses. It's just not down-to-earth enough for me. I do not want my kids to feel like they don't have more than enough when we earn more than $250K, but I feel like if all my neighbors are making twice that, there is a distinct possibility to raise kids that feel deprived even though we're in the top 90-something %. I recognize there are risks in sending your kids to a school that is burdened by a large population of low-income students. But so long as I feel that the school they attend is capable of providing them with a challenging curriculum, I'd rather face those issues than the money issues because I am more familiar with them. I went to public schools with large populations of low-income students, so I feel somewhat equipped to help my kids navigate that environment.

OP here. Thanks for everyone's insightful insight. PP, what middle and high school are/will your children go to?

[Anonymous]

Hello OP,
I wish there was a house for sale next to us that you could buy

With an HHI of 100K and me as SAHM, we recently bought a house served by and within walking distance of the Bethesda ES. We had previously been living in Silver Spring.

Two main reasons:
1. BES has a much better academic reputation than most schools in Silver Spring. That should be your most important criteria, for your kids' education as well as for the real-estate investment you make in your house. Furthermore, BES is known for excellent special needs services, which are necessary for our oldest.
2. My dream was to have a house + garden within easy walking distance to all urban amenities such as shops, restaurants, library, (and yoga and karate!) etc. In my personal opinion, and having lived in both towns, Silver Spring is far less walkable than Bethesda.

Bethesda is criticized for its snobby residents. We have not found this to be true. Our neighbors are charming.

To answer your question, we are not the "poorest" family at school, since BES educates all the children in the condos and apartments, which statistically house lower-income families than SFHs. Of course, this would not be true of the Bethesda suburbs!

At the high school level, the population is so varied and your income might have changed so much that it should not be a prime worry.
I was one of the poorest in a very posh high school and it did not bother me at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, it's hard to answer this question without making crass generalizations about both areas. I think it really depends on what kind of people you are, what kind of values and world view you want to instill in your kids. I live in Silver Spring, but could have afforded Bethesda. We just felt more comfortable in Silver Spring and were worried about some of the same issues you raise in your post. Now here's the crass generalization part: something about Bethesda just rubs me the wrong way. Too many high-powered law firm partners (I say this as a lawyer), consultants and doctors striving to outdo each other and keep up with the Joneses. It's just not down-to-earth enough for me. I do not want my kids to feel like they don't have more than enough when we earn more than $250K, but I feel like if all my neighbors are making twice that, there is a distinct possibility to raise kids that feel deprived even though we're in the top 90-something %. I recognize there are risks in sending your kids to a school that is burdened by a large population of low-income students. But so long as I feel that the school they attend is capable of providing them with a challenging curriculum, I'd rather face those issues than the money issues because I am more familiar with them. I went to public schools with large populations of low-income students, so I feel somewhat equipped to help my kids navigate that environment.

OP here. Thanks for everyone's insightful insight. PP, what middle and high school are/will your children go to?

Eastern/Blair. Not too worried about Blair. Concerned about Eastern. I should have added the caveat to the above that my kids aren't in school yet. If once they get into the schools, I'm not liking what I see, I might be persuaded to reconsider Bethesda.

[Anonymous]

Why are you so obsessed with it?
I grew up poor in an area that was wealthy and never felt out

[Anonymous]

It depends on the kids and the area. The pressure to keep up around here is intense. There is always someone wealthier around. Try to find a middle class neighborhood you are comfortable with.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on the kid. Some kids won't mind being the poorer kid and others really will. I would choose a middle class area, or one that isn't really middle class, but is by DC standards. Like maybe in the Richard Montgomery area.