Working moms, how do you do it?

[Anonymous]

DS(2.5 yo) was recently diagnosed with ASD and dev ped recommended 35-40 hours of services. Thankfully that includes school, but I just was not ready for full days of activities at 2.5. I am feeling a little overwhelmed and just don't see how to coordinate all these after school therapies and keep working full time. How do you get it all done? Do you have someone that takes DS to different appointments? I hate to even ask that because I want to be at all his appointments. Our teacher recommend thinking about hiring a grad student studying childhood dev. or special ed to stay with DS after school and take him to play groups etc. Any experiences with that?

Oh an I should add that I am prego with DS #2. I do enjoy my job, and just don't see myself as a stay at home mom(truly nothing against it, I just don't see it for me.) I can contain my job from 9-5 but I just don't see it working as a part-time position.

Seriously, any advice at all is much appreciated!

[Anonymous]

Full days of activities at his age is too much. He needs to sleep, nap, and play. Do you have a nanny? Can she take him to some activities? Some therapies can take place in your home as well. Does Early Intervention provide any of this? They will go to school/day care.

It's admirable that you want to be at all therapies but your Dh/partner should also be there. Nanny/school can cover some.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I don't know any mother of a child with significant SN who pulls off working FT. I do think its worth a try and getting good child care is important.

[Anonymous]

DS has speech therapy for apraxia twice per week (which I know is nothing compared to many on this board). One of his therapists is through the county so she comes to our house at 8am every Monday. DH goes in late those days and handles therapy. DS's other therapist is a private SLP who he sees on Wed mornings. I arranged to work at home on Wednesdays. I start working at 6am, while DH gets DS (and older DS) ready and takes them to preschool around 7. I pick up DS from preschool at 9, take him to therapy, take him back to school, then get home around 11 and work until 4:30 or 5. On the advice of his SLP, DS was recently evaluated by an OT. While I want DS to get all the services he needs, I was praying the OT wouldn't recommend weekly therapy (I just don't how we would fit it in), and thankfully she didn't. If you're getting county services, they will go to his school/daycare if you want. We will probably be moving over to that now that we're comfortable and DS is comfortable with the county SLP. Good luck. It's very overwhelming at first, but then it just becomes part of your weekly schedule (though that's probably easier for me to say than those who have double or triple the weekly appts that we have).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I don't know any mother of a child with significant SN who pulls off working FT. I do think its worth a try and getting good child care is important.

I work full time and my child has significant SN (can't walk or talk, will require lifetime care). I know of many full time or near full time working moms whose children have significant SN (motor impairments, traumatic brain injury, cerebral palsy, genetic defects, classical autism). I even know of working moms with more than one special needs kid.

I know in my case, finding out about my child's needs was an unfolding process. I didn't receive a diagnosis at birth; we slowly became aware of what limitations and disabilities we were facing. I'm the major breadwinner in my family and it just was never an option for me to quit my job. We slowly adapted and we kept on keeping on.

[Anonymous]

Truth is, I still haven't gone back to work because of SN child. And had nanny to help with driving to therapies and special schools. However, DS is now 6 and mainstreamed and I can see a time in the not too distant future when I can do a pretty full day at work and still do what DS needs from me. It has been step by step, and I never saw myself as stay at home mom but it never felt that way. It has always baan a lot of work learning, managing, making hard choices, etc. Financially it has been a large hit but one we could handle and we just did it and now on the other side I am glad I didn't try to squeeze a job in as well. My DS took a lot from me emotionally that I would not have been able to give my job.

[Anonymous]

OP, my son was diagnosed with ASD last year and I do work fulltime, and take my son to most of his therapy appointments, as at some point i just didn't see enough support from my husband, he just didn't want to take our DD to her therapy appointments for different reasons. One day, he had a headache, another day couldn't go later to work, etc. However it seems possible to me handling it all on my own, plus we do ABA-structured activities at home after we get back in the evening. It's overwhelming, it's really hard, I often cry myself to sleep, and Im tired and depressed, but it's manageable. Good luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Truth is, I still haven't gone back to work because of SN child. And had nanny to help with driving to therapies and special schools. However, DS is now 6 and mainstreamed and I can see a time in the not too distant future when I can do a pretty full day at work and still do what DS needs from me. It has been step by step, and I never saw myself as stay at home mom but it never felt that way. It has always baan a lot of work learning, managing, making hard choices, etc. Financially it has been a large hit but one we could handle and we just did it and now on the other side I am glad I didn't try to squeeze a job in as well. My DS took a lot from me emotionally that I would not have been able to give my job.

I'm in the same position. The emotional toll is the part that is overwhelming for me. There have been long periods of time that have been so draining that I don't know how I would have been able to give all to my job during the work day (let alone do extra work from home without feeling overwhelmed by guilt).

[Anonymous]

I work FT as well. At that age, the county providers came to our house to do the therapies. We had our au pairs watch and participate and learn so they could teach us what to do.

Don't feel that you need to do it all. Pick and choose with what you can do to make you and your DS happiest. Going to a bunch of sessions does not make the difference IMO. What is more important is to understand what the practitioners want you to practice. Have them write notes to you. That's what we did and still do. We also schedule conference calls. It's much more important that you spend QT and practice than going to a bunch of appointments.

[Anonymous]

<< It's overwhelming, it's really hard, I often cry myself to sleep, and Im tired and depressed, but it's manageable. Good luck >>


This sounds like me; this sounds like a lot of us, Im sure. A picture of happiness, right?

I work fulltime, though ive carved out flexibility over the years. THere is the option of intermittent FMLA, which you should look into.

Also, Ive learned to be increasingly open about the demands of my child's SN. At a certain point, you have nothing to lose. I have been stung by a real jerk of a boss, but also, a boss when i said im not sure I can give 100 pct to this job, given the demands of a sn child, he said: well, im more flexible than gumby. And he has been.

[Anonymous]

Ive just started a new job in my company and my boss wants to send out a note about my bio. After I sent my bio, he asked if i had an special interests in hobbies to include. Thats kind of laughable whebn you are a sn parent. Interests and hobbies? reading sn listservs? Faxing insurance forms?

[Anonymous]

Can you find a classroom setting where some of the therapies will be integrated? I know in FFX county that was offered for kids that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I don't know any mother of a child with significant SN who pulls off working FT. I do think its worth a try and getting good child care is important.

My husband went part-time.

It doesn't have to be the mom.

Just sayin'.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thank you all for the answers. Ugh, is all I have to say. But at least I know I am not alone.
My husband is by far the breadwinner and he travels a lot for work so while he would like to be involved we have tried it before and he is just unreliable with work.
DS is in Arlington schools and receiving therapies there, but dev ped recommended private therapy in addition and group activities with peers (which can include things like parks and rec classes on the weekend.)
I love hearing that ABA activities can be done in the evenings, that is hopeful!
It is worth asking about part-time, but I don't even know what I am asking for. I just hate this weird place we are in where we are just trying to figure out what is coming. There is so much up in the air, it is stressing me out.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel you. I tried working FT and just couldn't swing it. It's not the running around to therapies and doctors appointments, though that's hard, it's just that my kids need me too much. My sped kid needs me bc no one else (or no one I can afford!) can handle it. My non-sped kid needs me because of all the stress caused by the sped kid. Just too unhappy, too much juggling. Since they're in school, I can work PT, but it keeps me calm enough to deal with the stress when I'm with them. It's really hard financially, but I'm hoping we can catch up -- eventually. One thing I would remind you is that therapy is hard to do in the evenings -- they really need to be not worn out to take the most advantage of such things. I used to pick mine up from school, run to therapy, and back to school (and that's added to leaving work, returning to work). Plus there will be IEP meetings, checking in to make sure they are following the IEP, etc. etc.