Mom alone and lonely: what do I do from afar?

[Anonymous]

My mom is nearing 60. Her husband died unexpectedly 9 months ago (not my father) and she then found out that he had been cheating on her throughout their 10-year marriage. She doesn't have any family and I'm an only child - living 1,000 miles away. She's depressed. Therapy would be a good idea but she doesn't have the money right now. She doesn't subscribe to a particular religion so it's hard for her to find a community with a church.

In my view, she needs to find women in a similar situation - single with adult children and no other family - and attempt to build a family of friends. Surely she can't be the only one out there. I know this is easier said than done but has anyone been there, done that?

[Anonymous]

My mom is in a similar situation (but closer to 15,000 miles away!). It's very tough. In my experience, there's not a lot you can do. They have to find their own way in their own time. Intervening can sometimes make things worse. Just be understanding and listen. Can she plan a trip to come stay with you for a while?

[Anonymous]

OP here. We wanted her to retire and move near us. We have kids and I was looking forward to the kids have a closer relationship with their grandma. For a brief period of time, that was her plan. But, now she's put off retirement for several years. I understand why; she needs the money. But, since she works full time, she can only visit for short periods of time. And, with an infant, a toddler, and full time jobs, it's hard for us to get over to her on a regular basis right now.

[Anonymous]

What does she do? Could she move closer to you and find a job?

[Anonymous]

Look up Red Hats or Red Hat Ladies. It's an organization for ladies over 60 I think, maybe 50. They do lots of fun stuff. I got my mom involved because of similar circumstances, and she really enjoys it. She will make friends there, I'm sure.

[Anonymous]

It might be beneficial for her to find a grief support group. They are not intense experiences and I think the support wiould be nice for her. Methodists are not intense and ver welcoming.
As you probably know, women are ver strong. Your Mom sounds like she might be able to figure out a lot of this on her own. You sound like you are in pain for her. You sound very caring. Maybe talking to someone could help you with your pain.