Anyone in an adoption playgroup and drop out? Feel bad.

[Anonymous]

I am of Chinese decent and have an adopted child. I was born in America and don't speak Mandarin. I plan on learning with my DC and have started. The group I am in started as well intentioned but I don't feel the connection to remain in the group. I wanted DS to have friends that are adopted too but I haven't made tight ties. DS is too young and just thinks, fun when he sees them. We have one other family with an older child that has the same dynamic as our family= Asian married to an American, adopted child. I feel this is enough but am I doing a disservice to my child not having more adopted friends? I just want him to be a kid= no title.

Sounds terrible but I feel like a token Chinese connection to this group. I do have some times ties being that my parents are Chinese. They are disappointed that I am not more Chinese but oh well. Now that DS is entering kindergarten it will be easier to transition out. If my husband was into the get togethers than I would be more into it but he's not. Are you part of an Asian group and how is it going?

[Anonymous]

OP, I have a DD adopted from China. Are you on http://chinaadopttalk.com/forum ? You might get better and/or more responses there. I find it a super-helpful forum.

As for us, we are not in a playgroup, Asian or otherwise, but mostly due to lack of time more than anything else. We both work FT and DD goes to an all-day preschool.

Well, I hope you get the answers you are looking for. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

PP here: just wanted to add: I hear what you're saying and sometimes a kid is just a kid. We haven't done any Chinese lessons or Chinese school, or anything along those lines. I find that adoptive parents can sometimes be a little bit overboard, though they may be well-intentioned. That may be what you are feeling in your adoption group? Maybe those parents will settle down a bit as their kids get older? Also, they may have to work harder at maintaining their kids' cultural tie, since they are not Asian themselves. I'd say do whatever works for you and for your family, and don't feel badly about leaving the group if it's not a good fit. There are many ways to be a good parent, and you shouldn't feel badly if this is just not your thing! Different strokes for different folks! Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here: just wanted to add: I hear what you're saying and sometimes a kid is just a kid. We haven't done any Chinese lessons or Chinese school, or anything along those lines. I find that adoptive parents can sometimes be a little bit overboard, though they may be well-intentioned. That may be what you are feeling in your adoption group? Maybe those parents will settle down a bit as their kids get older? Also, they may have to work harder at maintaining their kids' cultural tie, since they are not Asian themselves. I'd say do whatever works for you and for your family, and don't feel badly about leaving the group if it's not a good fit. There are many ways to be a good parent, and you shouldn't feel badly if this is just not your thing! Different strokes for different folks! Good luck.

NP here. I agree with PP. I was adopted from Korea along with my twin sister and have also adopted my daughter from there as well (DH is white). We've been to one Korean playgroup and I haven't been back, but only because the timing doesn't work for me. My situation is different a little b/c while I may not have the Korean connection like you have the Chinese connection, I do have the adoption connection and my daughter is very close to my sis, so we are hopeful that being surrounded by strong adoptees will help her. I will most likely send her to Korean camp when she's older, but I won't push it if she's not interested. And I'll send my son too, if he can go since he wasn't adopted, so he can learn what his mom's, aunt's, sister's, and his own heritage is like.

[Anonymous]

Hi, my husband and I are in the process of adopting two sisters (ages 2 and 3) who are half Korean. Would you mind telling us how to connect with the Korean playgroup you mention in your posting (and if you think it would be a good environment for our little girls)? Thanks!

[Anonymous]

We adopted a similar culture child but we did adoption play groups and found the same experience you did. I wouldn't bother if you don't feel a connection. I would not push the adoption/playgroup issue as your child at this age isn't going to care. I think it is overhyped too. It is far better for your child to have friends that they/you connect with vs. just pushing friends as they have similar backgrounds. I find the older my child gets, the less I feel toward the "adoption" part as she is just my child, and its just part of her history/how she joined our family. She will know her birth family and background but I don't think the adoption part should be a huge focus. When she was little I did it more for me as it was hard to connect with friends who were not going through or had been through adoption even though they tried to be supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, my husband and I are in the process of adopting two sisters (ages 2 and 3) who are half Korean. Would you mind telling us how to connect with the Korean playgroup you mention in your posting (and if you think it would be a good environment for our little girls)? Thanks!

http://myasiankiddc.com/adoption.html
Here is a list of adoption family groups.

I am the organizer of OurAsianKids-DC, which is families with kids adopted from Asia, we have some families with Korean children, but it is not country specific.