Niece is afraid of our dog

[Anonymous]

My brother and his wife moved back into the area after 5 years. I've been really happy to have them close again and to get to see my niece who is almost 6. However, she is very afraid of our dog, as is my SIL. I am completely sensitive to this, our dog is a little Benji looking guy who flops over on his back when anyone new comes to the door looking for a belly rub, but I know even that is frightening. He is not very curious and he responds to hand signals to back off if he gets too close to someone who is nervous, so we are trying. Lately I have been putting him in a bedroom when they come to visit.

The problem is with my sons - ages 8 and 11. They feel bad for the dog, and now they are calling my niece the "freak" because she is afraid of him. Of course, they would not do it to her little face, but just the same, there are all kinds of bad feelings from my family now.

Has anyone else had this problem and solved it?

[Anonymous]

Yikes. I'd think you need some support from your brother and sister-in-law in order to be able to even try to solve this problem. Do you know if they even see it as a problem or just think that the natural solution is for you to keep the dog away when they're visiting? I'd talk to your brother about it (or your sister-in-law if you are close to her) - say you'd love to help your niece start feeling comfortable with the dog, that you think it would be nice for the whole family if that could happen, etc. Might be helpful for your sister-in-law to spend some time with the dog first - if your niece sees her mom is scared, it's really going to be tough for the kid to get comfortable. If your sister-in-law's not interested in participating, though, maybe you could suggest getting together w/just your brother and your niece some place where your niece will feel comfortable - like she has room to move away if she wants - maybe outside somewhere? And then slowly teach her how to interact with the dog - maybe let her give him treats while the dog is in a 'stay' position?

good luck!

[Anonymous]

I assume you've already done this, because you sound like a sensitive mom, but, please tell your sons that people who are afraid of different things than they are do not amount to "freaks."

I have 2 dogs that make some children afraid, heck, even my adult BIL and MIL are afraid of them but call this "allergies." I put the dogs away in the bedrooms when these people are in my home as my invited guests.

Whether I think they are right or wrong in their fear, it's nevertheless my responsibility as the host to make my guests feel comfortable and welcome. If the dogs make them uncomfortable, off they go.

Of course, I secretly hope these people 'come around' and one day enjoy my dogs as I do. But it's not my place to re-educate them, push them, laugh it off, etc. And I personally would not privately talk to the kids' parents to help them get with the program re: the dogs.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I just realized I was totally not responsive to your question. I just tell my own son (who also doesn't get why anyone would be afraid of dog 1 and dog 2) that not everyone likes dogs, as hard as it is to believe. That it's not going to permanently harm Benji to hang in the bedroom for a couple of hours. That people's needs in this case are more important than the dog's.

Given that your sons are older, I have a hunch that no matter what you say, they'll just continue to believe what they want. If you can think of something that scares the pants off either one of them, you might gently point that out, ie, that we're all apprehensive of different things and remember how you feel when you're confronted with (the high dive platform, white water rafting, whatever it is that makes them nervous).

[Anonymous]

I really don't like dogs. It's not exactly a fear, but I'll tell you, I just don't like them. The thing is, one can't really avoid them as a guest in a dog-owner's house. To me, they're smelly, loud and dirty, and they come right up to you and stick at least their yucky wet noses into your personal space, if not more. Most owners will call the dogs away when they see my discomfort, but the dogs usually come back after a while. Honestly, this is stressful for me. I very much appreciate it when friends close their dogs away in another room when I visit. It's true my discomfort is extreme, but dogs really don't leave new people completely alone, and guests deserve personal space if they're uncomfortable without it. Dog owners don't notice a certain amount of the hair, slobber and smells, but they should be more sensitive. I hope you'll explain to your boys, who are old enough to consider a younger child's perspective, that not everyone likes dogs.