Setting gift boundaries
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Anonymous
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Sorry if this has been covered before but how do people set boundaries regarding what gifts others give their child? I have an infant and he keeps on getting showered with the V-Tech, Baby Einstein, battery-powered noise and light show type toys. I don't mind having a few but in general I don't think they are healthy (like the thing that reads to the kid so you don't have to not to mention the over stimulation). I basically set a 'no battery rule' for Xmas which my side ignored (my dad misinterpreted my aversion to fear that I wouldn't be able to figure out a toy computer. Thanks Dad, I hold a graduate degree in computer science). And subsequently my inlaws, who are awesome, gave us a bunch of these types of toys that were hand-me-downs. And then I get an email from MIL warning of the danger of overstimulating toys.
Sooo...for his first bday I'm trying to head things off by creating a wish-list on Amazon. Or just asking people to just give books. I know it is bad ettiquite to specify but so is throwing away gifts. Any suggestions or thoughts on the topic? |
Anonymous
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Just like with talking to your soon-to-be-toddler, focus on what to do instead of what not to do. A list of specific items is one way to do it. Or just give general categories -- DS would love a ride-on toy, some sturdy blocks and a couple books with flaps.
When that doesn't work, take out the batteries, don't replace them, or simply regift/donate as appropriate. Unless the gparents show up every week with a new bag of beeping, flashing wonder, this is not the hill you want to die on. |
Anonymous
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"DC's teacher suggested_______to help with his/her______. I found X on Amazon, here's the link." |
Anonymous
| My SIL did a gift list for X-mas gifts. It made shopping for her kids so much easier. I know some people will tell you not to do this kind of thing but it does make life easier. |
Anonymous
| I found that the Amazon wishlist method has really helped curb this issue with my parents, who also tend to purchase plastic toys that make noise. Like you, I don't mind having some of those types of toys but I don't want them to be the majority. We have kept the ones that get played with the most often and when we go through and purge, those types of toys are the first things to get donated. This was the best Christmas yet because we really did a targeted wish list with plenty of stuff to choose from that we knew they would love (train set, doll house) but that were not those kind of toys. It is much easier to tell them what you *do* want than to say "don't get anything with batteries" or whatever. If they are anything like my parents, there is no ill intent whatsoever, they just want to get their grandchildren toys they will enjoy. You know your child better than anyone so if you can help them in purchasing toys that will be enjoyed, it is a win-win for everyone. |
Anonymous
We always joke that the role of a grandparent is to give the noisiest gift possible. Putting myself in my in-laws place, it would not be cool if my kids handed me an Amazon wish list. I personally don't like when someone dictates specific gifts, that takes the joy out of it. If they ask, then yes please direct them to genres like clothes or books or stuffed animals, Thomas the train etc. Unless they are the type that prefers to be told exactly what to get, please don't do it. Also please realize that gifts for the under 3 set is tough. I've probably given my share of junk toddler gifts because most everything else is a choking hazard and for ages 3 and up. It's funny because today I found my daughter writing a letter to her grandparents for some AG doll stuff for her birthday (many months away) that she knows I wouldn't buy. While I realize she isn't that old, having gone thru crazy gift drama with an adult relative that was ticked I didn't get the exact model her DH emailed us (which happened to be after I already got the category of gift that was requested) I was very sensitive to the whole demanding of specific gifts thing and the potential to not handle it gracefully if the person gets you something else. Gift boundaries are a tricky thing. Good luck. |
Cloud
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| As a gift GIVER, I prefer to get some suggestions or a wish list. Makes it much easier for me and I like that I will be giving them something they want or need and will use vs. something that sits around or gets re-gifted. |
Anonymous
| If someone asks you for ideas, it's fine to give them ideas, but if they aren't asking you for gift ideas, you get what you get. But it's your choice if you want to keep them or use them. Feel free to return, donate, regift things that you don't want for your kid. |
Anonymous
| Wish lists are great, but also, you can sell your unused toys on Ebay/Craiglist, etc. My advice is to not make a thing over it with your family and friends. Just let them do what they want. |
Anonymous
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I agree, as long as it's not a constant, stop-by-every-week-with-more thing, just make your wishes known politely and then let it go!
If people ask, give them a general category, like "DS is really into books right now" or "books with puppies" or "wooden blocks" etc. "DD would love more dolls/doll clothes/play food" etc. For my parents I often voice gift requests as things I am thinking of getting DD. Then they offer to get it and we're all happy! I sell or re-gift electronic toys that are 1, overload and never even opened, or 2, opened and played with for exac tly 1.5 nanoseconds. I think it gets easier when kids are older and people know they like thomas/AG/etc? Maybe? hoping? |
Anonymous
| if you can't make your wishes known, do as i do: return the least likeable toys, hide the rest in the guestroom closet and only pull out when Gp are around. the kid gets a treat in a new toy and GP think kid looooves the toy. for me, as a bonus, the in-laws HATE noise, so the resulting cacophany leaves me quite satisfied |
Anonymous
I am the PP who said I have had success with an Amazon wishlist. On both sides of my family (in-laws and my parents), we have agreed that this is how we want to handle gift-giving. Not that they never buy any off-list gifts, but for the major and more expensive items it makes sense to follow what the parents want and, importantly, can accommodate space-wise. I am fortunate that our families prefer to be given guidance on gifts. As a gift giver, I also prefer getting guidance and always search Amazon for a wishlist. I like to know that I am getting someone something they need or want. |
Anonymous
| OP here. I like the Amazon wish list idea. Thanks. |
Anonymous
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The only fool-proof way to not have things you don't want is to be willing to get rid of things you don't want. For every gift we get, the kids help write a thank-you note thanking them for the gift, they usually play with it for a few days, weeks, even months, but if it's just something I don't want around, then I get rid of it (sell, return, regift, donate).
It is just as rude for a giver to ask "Where's that fun Princess Choking Hazard Gift Set I got for little Jenny?" as it is for a giftee to say, "Christmas is coming up, and Jenny will only be accepting the following items." Despite this, many people will actually expect to see their items worn/used/displayed/played with during a visit and will go out of their way to ask about them. This can be awkward for some, but I have simply decided to say, "Oh yes, that was such a thoughtful gift, and Jenny enjoyed it." If they really press me, I'll be honest and say that, "It didn't really mesh with our other toys, so she played with it for a while, then we donated it so that some other child could enjoy it, too." |
Anonymous
ROFL. Loved this response. Spot on. |