My 3-year-old won't go to sleep until 10

[Anonymous]

I am going crazy trying to get my 3-year-old daughter to sleep at night. Bedtime is 8-8:30; her 5-year-old sister usually is asleep within 20 minutes. The 3-year-old is usually still bouncing off the walls at 9 or 10 (or last night, 10:30). She sometimes stays in bed, sometimes pops out and comes to find mom and dad, but the bottom line is that she can't seem to get sleepy. I have tried lots of books, rocking, bath, but nothing seems to work.

I can't figure out if 1) this is her normal sleep time and I should just accept it; 2) she is extremely, chronically overtired and I need to find a way to break her habit; 3) she's just very strong willed and should go to sleep but doesn't want to; 4) she simply finds it hard to relax and get sleepy (I'm very high-strung myself and it's often hard for me to unwind and get to sleep, so maybe it's genetic?) 5) a combination of these. She also resists naps at home on weekends (but naps at preschool). But she often falls asleep in the car, which makes me think she needs more sleep.

Her late bedtime is a problem in many ways. I can't go to sleep early when I want to; can't get much done in the evening; can't find time without her awake to have a sex life.

Any advice? My latest idea is a little Benadryl.

[Anonymous]

8:30 might actually be too late - she may have gotten a second wind. I would try to push back to 7 for awhile and see if that works.

[Anonymous]

I have tried an earlier bedtime and she usually is as wired as ever. On the other hand, on rare really exhausted weekends she will sometimes fall asleep in front of the tv even earlier. Maybe if I can find a way to get her to sleep at 7 (car ride + benadryl?) I can get her into a new pattern. Thanks, PP.

[Anonymous]

Rather than Benadryl, what about tiring her out even more during the day? I agree that 8:30 seems too late and an earlier bedtime seems like a good idea as well.

[Anonymous]

does she still take a nap? At this age some kids who nap have a hard time going to bed.

what time does she get up?

Also agree with an earlier bed time.

[Anonymous]

Is she napping? It may be time to cut the nap, as sad as that may sound. If my 5 year old naps (which he's doing right now) he'll be up until 10:00 or later.
I've accepted it. I think it's his "normal".
If he skips his nap (he still has quiet time for the duration of siblings naps) he still goes to bed after 9:00.
For me, the break in the middle of the day with a quiet house is more important than the one hour I save at night.
Also remember, when you try a new routine you need to try it for more than one night. Don't try it once and give up. Stick to it for a week or so and then it may settle in.

[Anonymous]

My almost-3-year-old has been inching toward 10 the last week or so. He's still napping at daycare during the week, and occasionally on weekends if he gets up earlier than usual, and the nap absolutely contributes to going to sleep later. Is she any better on days without a nap? If so, can she not nap at school?

8:30 doesn't sound late to me, but my son immediately pushed his bedtime back to 9 when he went to one nap around 18 months. We fought it for a while, but nothing we did any earlier in the night was going to get him to sleep earlier. So 9 it is for us.

[Anonymous]

DD 3 (no nap) gets a book on tap and must stay in bed. She goes to bed at 8:00 and falls asleep sometime before the end of the 50 minute CD-- 90% of the time.

[Anonymous]

I'd say cut the nap and put her to bed much earlier.

[Anonymous]

OP again. She does nap at preschool (can't prevent it) but often refuses to nap on weekends. She just started going to aftercare, and as a result she's even more tired than she used to be when she comes home. But as a PP suggested I think she does get a second wind after that. I will definitely try a quick dinner and earlier bedtime.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm in the same boat. Our DD is napping at school for 2 hours (mandatory rest time) and is up until 10/10:30 at night, or even later. We have been carrying her screaming to bed at 10:30, when we are tired! It's definitely the nap. On the weekends and during vacations, our DD doesn't nap, and bedtime is normally around 8:30pm. On days she naps, she's a total night owl!

[Anonymous]

Would drop the nap. Would tell daycare she needs to sit quietly with a book or puzzle but not sleep. I would have a stroke if my kids didn't go to bed until 10!

[Anonymous]

I'm exhausted just reading this thread--10 is too late. Talk to the teachers at preschool about alternative "quiet time" activities she can do while the others are napping. A possible alternative to Benadryl is melatonin--a supplement that's a synthetic version of the hormone that makes you feel sleepy at the end of the day. I use it myself to combat jetlag and have given it to my DS on days when I know he is tired but he is too wound up to let go and go to sleep. There have been some threads here about it--you can ask your ped about it if you have concerns. I usually aim to give DS 1 mg or less (cut a 3 mg tab in half and give him part of the half).

[Anonymous]

No nap; start bedtime routine at 7; no tv in the hour before bed; no drugging with benedryl (good grief)

[Anonymous]

We had the same problem. Cut out tv in the evenings. Worked for us!