s/o--Establishing a close friendship with neighbors

[Anonymous]

The other thread about family being far away struck a chord with me as I have the exact opposite issue and was thinking about it a lot over the weekend.

I grew up here and most of my family is still in the area (husband's side as well). I see my/his family a lot and they are tremndously supportive. My sister is still here so my 1yo DD sees her cousins a lot, which is great. But that's about the only social circle I feel like I have. Most of my long-time friends have either moved away, have kids who are older than DD or don't have kids at all. I would like to find local friends who have kids the same age as DD. DD is not in daycare/school which I feel is a great way to meet others with kids similar in age (we have family who watch her).

We have a few neighbors who have recently had babies (some older, some younger than DD) but there isn't much social interaction among the new moms on the street. I just moved here a year ago and although we have friendly relationships with most of the neighbors (say hi and quick conversations), I wouldn't say we know any of them, especially the ones with kids. I would love to have the kind of relationships that people describe on here, where I can call the people on the street to hang out on a whim. But I feel like that would be weird at this point.

Would you find it odd if one of your neighbors hosted a "playdate" with several moms on the street even though you haven't had much contact in the past? We talked about having a BBQ/housewarming when we first moved in but I was 8 months pregnant and the house was a bit of a mess. Once the baby was born, of course, it was tough to host a party. Now, we finally have the house done and I feel more comfortable hosting something.

On the same note, how did most people meet their local friends with kids of similar age, other than daycare/pre-school? I just want some local firends that I can call on the weekend so that DD can have some social interaction. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Great idea -- do it!! I'm sure your neighbors will be happy to come.

[Anonymous]

I think having a gathering BBQ is a great idea. We also met a lot of neighbors by joining our neighborhood pool.

[Anonymous]

I'd love it if one of my neighbors did something like that. I don't know many of the neighborhood moms and think it would be nice to get to know them. Go for it!

[Anonymous]

I reached out to all my neighbors that I knew that had kids and asked them if they were interested in getting together - I also asked them to bring other neighbors that they knew that had kids.

Now, we have a close group of friends that meet regularly, play in the backyard and hang out.

It was strange at first...but over the years, we've gotten to know each other and become very close!

[Anonymous]

Agree to just do it. Someone has to make the first move, so why not let it be you?

We live in one of those neighborhoods you describe, and I'm very grateful to our neighbors for extending the first branch. And now I try to do the same for other new neighbors, and hope that seeing this sort of neighborhood dynamic in action will help me foster something similar should we ever move.

[Anonymous]

We actually hosted something like this last summer. I made up an invitation flyer (at the time I didn't have anyone's email addresses) and left them for the neighbors we knew had little kids (some of them we knew better than others already) . It just said something like 'let's get the neighborhood kids together; join us for a potluck'. We provided stuff for the grill, drinks, and a few other things and people happily brought dishes to share. The kids played in the backyard and the adults got to socialize. I plan on trying to do it again in late spring/early summer.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I am very social and I did this when my son was 2. I now consider 3 of these 6 women to be my very best friends. It's wonderful, and even though we all work it makes weekends (especially in the winter and long weekends) sooo much more fun for the kids too. 2 of the women have since moved but not so far that we still catch up for a girls night once a month.
Most of us have joined the same pool so it just makes it so much more fun

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for your encouragement--I am thinking of planning something for the early spring when the weather is nice.

One concern that I have is where to draw the line. We have a defined area as to where our section of the street begins and ends so geographically I can limit it to that section. We have a few babies born in the fall/winter and there are others who are older than my DD but still under 2. Then there are those who have kids who are 4/5 and above (and I'm sure others in between). Most of the older kids seem to know one another as I presume they attend the same school so I doubt those moms would be interested but I don't want to piss anyone off. I would rather not know them than for them to hate me

Or maybe I am overthinking it (probably).

[Anonymous]

OP again.....I love the pool idea as well. We didn't join last year as DD was so little but may join this year. I hadn't really thought about the social aspect of it.

Also love the idea of a group for a girls night out. I think that is one thing that I am really missing since having a baby and the group would be just as much for me as it would be for her. I mean, I have my sister but need other friends.

[Anonymous]

Totally do it. Someone on my block did this last summer when I was pregnant and it was a great chance to meet the other moms/dads/kids. Part of the issue is that a lot of us are either not home because we're working, or so busy when we are home, that getting to know the neighbors doesn't happen unless there are planned activities.

[Anonymous]

Invite everyone on your street, just walk around and drop off a flyer...block party.

[Anonymous]

I agree invite everyone on the street. Some may not be interested, some with older kids may come (and you may wish they hadn't-just different ages different interests) or you could invite everyone with a kid under 4 and just have a little playdate on a sat morning. Serve coffee and Danishes, and let the kids play while you get to know each other.
The only option is to out yourself out there, I have done this so many times, I will send out an email and ask DH, what if no one relies, what if this is lame, guess what? They always said yes, at least a few, and that's where the friendships grew

[Anonymous]

OP I think that is a great idea. We (DH and I) grew up in a more social and more academic area, so we are accustomed to people being more down to earth. When we moved here, we found people very insular and did not see any sincere reaching out. There seems much more of a pissing contest here that no one admits to! We find it funny.

Most people we know who grew up here (about half our friends) have no friends here, and we had no idea why. We learned (f those friends it just so happens) they would rather spend time with their family. After all these years they have not really moved far from their birth family. We found this odd in this day and age. Then we thought what a shame, they are missing so much!

You can still be close to your family and have friends, right? The bonus is that you get free child care when you want it. (You do realize what a big deal this is for those of us who do not have family nearby right? But I digress.) As long as you are a good friend and neighbor, there is no reason why there should not be a mom network in your own neighborhood!

Make some flyers, serve some coffee, and enjoy. We would love to have such good, decent neighbors with good intentions (and actions to back it up). We are stuck in an antisocial "must not wave - yet nosy as can be" community, unfortunately. The neighbors will stare right at you, but refuse to wave back. This is something else that has become amusing to us!

Where are the good neighbors?

I wish you good neighbors OP. You can't buy that