Socially immature - honest red shirt question-

[Anonymous]

Few friends are red shIrting but I believe it's to have an advantage Academically versus maturity of their child. All kids are rambunctious at this age what do people really mean when they say not mature enough- socially inept? we are at the deciding point too, DD seems okay but occasionally pouts. Sometimes hard tO tell if there is an issue- at school she is great, at home a bit bratty at times.

[Anonymous]

Can't wait her turn, can't negotiate disputes with playmates by herself, won't follow rules, melts down when reminded of rules=socially immature.
Is she going to disrupt the class when she's "a bit bratty," or will the teacher and aide be able to raise their eyebrows and move along with the rest of the class while she pulls herself together?

[Anonymous]

I would also suggest considering whether your child is interested in playing with children who would be in her grade, or if her interest align more with those children a year behind her. These will be her friends for many years and social issues can be just a big a problem as academic ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would also suggest considering whether your child is interested in playing with children who would be in her grade, or if her interest align more with those children a year behind her. These will be her friends for many years and social issues can be just a big a problem as academic ones.

I agree with this. If your child is holding his/her own at preschool, then do not worry about holding him/her back just b/c the child is so "immature" with you. My kid is quite the demanding baby when it comes to me. When he's at school, he's a model student. He's in kindergarten this year. I had serious reservations in the middle of last summer when I was spending a lot of time with him and he and older sister thought it was just GREAT to talk about pee-pee and poopy ALL the time. I was thinking... you are NOT ready for kindergarten. I was having a lot of anxiety in Aug. about it, but couldn't see him getting anything out of preschool again. So, I sent him to kinderg. and hoped for the best. It is all turning out fine.

I'd listen carefully to what the teachers say at preschool. If your child is getting along well with his/her peer group and follows the rules most of the time.... he/she is ready for kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

I'm not technically redshirting, but I'm thrilled to no end my child over 5 1/2 by the time he enters kindergarten. He's been in a daycare environment the whole time (but with a preschool curriculum this past year), and I've held him back for an average of 4-5 months at each birthday because he isn't the most socially mature child. It seems to take an extra 4-5 months before he can act like other kids his age. We're facing it now with an impending birthday, and he really wants to go to the "fives" room. But in there, they have tons of academic instruction and only one hour of free play. So in the fours he stays, at least until summer. And it's not just me. The teachers and director all agree with me.

If he had had an early birthday instead of a late one, I absolutely would be looking for ways to redshirt him until his maturity level caught up with his brain.

I agree that it's school behavior that counts here. Many kids can hold it together and do what's appropriate in school, but then they melt down at the end of the day. It's OK if they are not happy 100% of the time. Nobody is. But it's how they handle that unhappiness. I'm working with my son now on coping techniques for when things don't go his way. Because he does have epic meltdowns at times when he gets it in his mind he should be allowed to play in the home living area, when everyone else is supposed to go outside. It's manageable in day care. I don't want him doing it in kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not technically redshirting, but I'm thrilled to no end my child over 5 1/2 by the time he enters kindergarten. He's been in a daycare environment the whole time (but with a preschool curriculum this past year), and I've held him back for an average of 4-5 months at each birthday because he isn't the most socially mature child. It seems to take an extra 4-5 months before he can act like other kids his age. We're facing it now with an impending birthday, and he really wants to go to the "fives" room. But in there, they have tons of academic instruction and only one hour of free play. So in the fours he stays, at least until summer. And it's not just me. The teachers and director all agree with me.

If he had had an early birthday instead of a late one, I absolutely would be looking for ways to redshirt him until his maturity level caught up with his brain.

I agree that it's school behavior that counts here. Many kids can hold it together and do what's appropriate in school, but then they melt down at the end of the day. It's OK if they are not happy 100% of the time. Nobody is. But it's how they handle that unhappiness. I'm working with my son now on coping techniques for when things don't go his way. Because he does have epic meltdowns at times when he gets it in his mind he should be allowed to play in the home living area, when everyone else is supposed to go outside. It's manageable in day care. I don't want him doing it in kindergarten.

This is preschool? How miserable and age-inappropriate. I'm shocked parents pay for this.

[Anonymous]

I would speak to your teacher and follow her advice.

[Anonymous]

Social immaturity can also include shyness/quietness to the point where the child cannot tell their teacher of their needs, whining, and being super-sensitive and crying at the drop of a hat. Those children often do better with an extra year of nurturing in a pre-K environment.

[Anonymous]

This is preschool? How miserable and age-inappropriate. I'm shocked parents pay for this.

I am not. Preschools are like the Big 3, 5, 8 & 20. It's all about the fit. Not all preschools are perfect a fit for all children. Simply find a preschool that fits your own needs and then your child's need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This is preschool? How miserable and age-inappropriate. I'm shocked parents pay for this.

I am not. Preschools are like the Big 3, 5, 8 & 20. It's all about the fit. Not all preschools are perfect a fit for all children. Simply find a preschool that fits your own needs and then your child's need.

It's a day care, and it's what I can afford. Nothing simple about it, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

I think the PP is using hyperbole in saying that this day care has "tons" of academic instruction and only 1 hr. of free play. I've seen daycares, including those that consider themselves "academies"... the academic instruction is like knowing sounds of letters, writing letters and sometimes words, counting to 30 and not much more. The fact that "free time" is scheduled from 4-5 pm does not mean that the kids are sitting at a desk the rest of the day. They have morning "academic" stuff, including 30 min. of playground time. They have lunch at 11:30. Nap from 12-2. They have snack, centers (like dress up or whatever) and 30 min. of outdoor time. then after bathroom break and re-grouping inside, they have 1 hour of "free" time while waiting for parents to come in. This is NOT a stressful schedule.

I think the PP is a little too uptight about it. Kiddo will survive the "stress"!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the PP is using hyperbole in saying that this day care has "tons" of academic instruction and only 1 hr. of free play. I've seen daycares, including those that consider themselves "academies"... the academic instruction is like knowing sounds of letters, writing letters and sometimes words, counting to 30 and not much more. The fact that "free time" is scheduled from 4-5 pm does not mean that the kids are sitting at a desk the rest of the day. They have morning "academic" stuff, including 30 min. of playground time. They have lunch at 11:30. Nap from 12-2. They have snack, centers (like dress up or whatever) and 30 min. of outdoor time. then after bathroom break and re-grouping inside, they have 1 hour of "free" time while waiting for parents to come in. This is NOT a stressful schedule.

I think the PP is a little too uptight about it. Kiddo will survive the "stress"!

No, no hyperbole. That's not enough free time for a just-turned five year old.

[Anonymous]

The point is that they have free time during morning recess and again in the afternoon and I'm sure their activities besides nap, snack and recess in the afternoon also include loosely designated play time at different centers and then what is actually designated "free time" for another hour. Most of the day is pretty easy at a day care center. They tend to do story time and writing and numbers in the morning (in addition to snack, recess and lunch). I do not believe that your day care center is "intense."

[Anonymous]

Think what you want. But its my kid, and I still don't think sitting at a desk all day is OK for my child. So I'm holding him back for a few more months. I don't know why this is such a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Social immaturity can also include shyness/quietness to the point where the child cannot tell their teacher of their needs, whining, and being super-sensitive and crying at the drop of a hat. Those children often do better with an extra year of nurturing in a pre-K environment.

This was my dd, who has a late September birthday. We live in DC and decided to hold her back; if we had been in MD, with its earlier cut-off, there would have been no issue at all.