TTC Stress- How do you deal with it?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have decided that we will start TTC for the first time in August. We haven't even started yet and I am already completely stressed out: with each day bringing us closer to August I am getting more and more nervous. I am very scared that it won't work out, that we will try and try without any success and ultimately discover that we are infertile. I don't know why I am being so pessimistic, we haven't even tried yet, but I just can't help it...I want to get pregnant so badly, I am so scared that I will get crushed if it doesn't work out. I have started having insomnia, which I have never had before. I am very stressed all the time. My ob/gyn told me that if you worry too much, it won't happen, which of course worries me even more! Are other people feeling the same way? If so, how do you deal with it? How do you not worry about it?

[Anonymous]

Hi OP,

For me, what helps most is keeping a mental checklist of reasons why I'll likely get pregnant, while blocking out reasons that I won't. So, for example, I tell myself - I've gotten pregnant before, which means I know that it is possible; I haven't had any STDs, operations, or other issues that might cause blocked tubes, scar tissue or other problems; I have cousins who've had kids at my age, so hopefully that family history will help; my OB isn't worried; and I'm younger than other women I know who didn't have problems getting pregnant. Then, I don't look at the statistics for getting pregnant at my age or read anything about that - after all, there is nothing I can do about my age at this time, so why worry about it?

[Anonymous]

This is OP here. PP, I really appreciate your help. Thank you so much. Unfortunately, I can't really tell myself the things that you tell yourself b/c I have never been pregnant and I have had a number of issues including surgery which might have left scar tissue and a bad pap smear in the past and I also have long irregular cycles. That is probably why I am so stressed out. I guess I should have mentioned that in the OP. I have been told I can still get pregnant, but I have a hard time believing it and I worry that everything that has happened in the past will prevent me from getting pregnant and I am scared to disappoint my husband. But, I will try to do as you do: try to focus on the positive things. Thanks PP.

[Anonymous]

I'm also predisposed to have problems (VERY irregular cycle, ie, no period in 6 months) and am trying to manage my stress. The one thing that reliably calms me down is to think about what my doctor said to me when she first told me that I should start seeing a fertility specialist: "one way of another, these people WILL get you pregnant." It might not be an easy road, but these days doctors are very good at getting us pregnant one way or another.

[Anonymous]

If you want some more information about your chances of getting pregnant w/out medical help, you can try the Fertell OTC test. It is a urine version of the day 3 test (and an SA for the man). It's about $100 - but sometimes there are coupons on drugstore.com. When I told my RE that I "passed" the Fertell Day 3 test one year ago, he seemed very relieved, which made me think that he thinks the test is pretty accurate.

[Anonymous]

One thing I have to say--for a trial, stop hanging out on these boards! I mean that in the nicest way. Its just reading about all the problems that other people have isn't going to do anything else but stress you out!

My backstory: I had a clean-ish history and definitely when I started to try was freaked out that it would take forever, that I would have some problem, that you keep hearing all this stuff about fertility problems, etc. A few months of heaving duty "trying" and guess what, I was pregnant. That actually freaked me out more!

I also have a friend who had a really rough history, like yours, and started trying at the same time because her Drs. told her it could take years. And guess what, she got pregnant in a few months as well!

The thing is, once you know what you want (a baby, a wedding dress, a house), it will seem stressful trying to get it. But overthinking it, spending time on the TTC board or any of these prego boards isnt going to up your chances, and will probably just make you more obsessed or stressed out. I am not saying that stopping by once in a while for support will hurt, but remember that trying (and getting) pregnant, is a natural thing. Try for a while, if it doesnt work, talk to your Dr., find out the next steps. There is a process, just don't get ahead of yourself.

All the best to you--and have fun with the "trying"--remember, thats the fun part!

[Anonymous]

Ah, 16:53 well stated... by someone who has never had any problems....

It can be crazy stressful, and depressing, and sad, and anxiety arousing and everything awful you have ever heard...

SO, get informed, understand the process and as the book says, Take Charge! of your fertility.

best of luck.

[Anonymous]

OP here- Thank you so much for all of your good advice everybody!

[Anonymous]

Hi OP,
I'm an expert at this after five years of TTC (I have two children now!) I tried to exercise every day, even if it was just walking. I found another person going through the same situation and she became a close friend and we could share our (lack of) progress and our frustrations.

I also bought myself some sort of little treat every time I got a BFN.

I tried to keep myself busy during the TWW and I traveled a lot on weekends. I found that seeing old and new friends really distracted me, and so did the change of scenery.

I was active on Resolve.org's "just getting started" board. It was probably the most important thing in keeping me sane - and it was the best IF education I could have possibly had.

Good luck and baby dust to you.

[Anonymous]

16:53 here . . . I thought a lot about my post since yesterday and I just wanted to say--I recognize that it could come off as really insensitive to people who do have problems TTC. All I meant to say to the poster was--from someone who also had fears, and from friends who had fears, either rational or irrational, I think it can be helpful to KNOW what you might be up against, but don't start trying to solve problems that might not even be yours yet! Take one step at a time. Having a supportive community like this can be a godsend, but sometimes we can also work outselves into a frenzy without at least first giving ourselves and our bodies (and minds!) a chance. Best of luck to everyone reading this.

[Anonymous]

OP here- to PP: please don't apologize for your previous post, I thought it was actually VERY VERY helpful! It made me feel a lot better, realizing that some of my fears are really irrational and it's way too soon to worry, I need to go through the process first. Thanks.