What was the hardest part of 3+ year age gaps? + one thing to tell someone considering such?

[Anonymous]

For you, what was the hardest part about 3+ year age gaps? Also, what is the one thing you would tell someone considering having a new baby after 3+ years?

[Anonymous]

I have twins and had a singleton 3y2m later. I have LOVED the spacing. The kids are close enough in age to be great friends and play well together (now 2.5 and 5.5) but infancy was very easy because my older two were 3 and in getting pretty independent. They were also in preschool each morning which allowed me to nap when my younger one napped in the morning, etc.

[Anonymous]

Mine are 4 and 8 now and it's great. The downside was starting over, we were completely out of diapers, baby food, bottles, naps, etc. But that was a small period of time in the grand scheme of things. Now we're back to where we were when #2 was born since oldest was 4 yo at the time, and we are done. We were not ready for a 2nd before the youngest was 4 so it has worked out well for us.

[Anonymous]

Well, I'm just a year in with baby #2. So she's 1, and her older sister is 4.5.

So far, the only downside I can see is that they're not old enough to play together, and they may not have much on-par play lives given that one will almost always be more developmentally advanced.

But I have to say, so far, with two girls, it's been great. No jealousy issues, so far, either.

The older is in FT preschool, and the younger is with a nanny. Ma and Pa knock off by 5pm, so we have time together as a family almost every night.

[Anonymous]

Mine are 3.5 years apart and are now 5 and 2. It's a great spacing. When #2 was born, #1 was old enough that I could trust her alone for short periods of time while putting the baby to sleep and she was old enough not to get into too much trouble during nursing sessions. She was in school half days, which gave me time alone with the baby. The downside was that preschool pick-up/drop-off was invariably in the middle of naptime -- when he was around 6 months old, he wanted to fall asleep about half an hour before it was time to take her to school and later, after he dropped his morning nap but before his afternoon nap had shifted to truly afternoon, I often had to wake him to pick her up.

Despite the age difference, they still fight over toys (usually those of #2). While they usually play beautifully together -- #2 is good at deferring to #1's "rules" -- #2 still doesn't have much sense of personal space and #1 doesn't yet have the maturity to handle that.

[Anonymous]

Agree that 3 to 4 years is great spacing. DD was able to self-entertain a bit; It personally would have made me batty to be chasing a 2 year old around at the same time as having a baby again. Plus, you can see that your oldest is getting bigger and so much less a baby that it's a bit wistfully nice to be back in the baby stage again w/ the littler one (not those first couple months of course - but after). Only real downsides i see are...

1) if you plan/do SAH, then it's a longer stretch out of work, but that's not me.
2) they likely won't play as much together and you'll have more dissimilar a ctivities that you'll be ferrying them too.

[Anonymous]

Well, I have a newborn & a 3.5 year old so I can't speak to the longterm. In the short term, I'd agree with PPs that having one out of diapers, able to entertain themselves independently, able to climb in & out of carseat, up stairs, etc, etc is a HUGE help.

The biggest downside so far is that I have to store 3.5 years of clothing, potties, toys, etc. from the older kid while I wait for this one to be ready for it.

[Anonymous]

I'm working on my third now; my oldest is will be 6 this year, my youngest will be 3, and the new one will be born in August. I've never had two in diapers at the same time, which is great. My two current play pretty well together, and go to school & pre-school full-time, so I'll have some peaceful time with the baby after its born.

I think it's good spacing because each child gets their own time as "the baby" & the older ones don't really want that anymore. Activities are tricky, but if you limit them it shouldn't be a problem. I didn't plan such a big gap either time, but it has worked out well.

[Anonymous]

I have a 9 yr old, a 3 yr old and a 2 mo old. The dynamic is great between them so far - the oldest is a great big sister - both helpful and independent - and I don't regret our timing at all. But since you asked, here are two bummers about the timing that I didn't realize in advance. One is that the oldest is ready for great family vacations, dinners outs and all the good stuff that comes with being a big kid. But she's a little held back because we always have to accommodate the younger sibs. Like she's SO ready for a big trip to Europe or something this summer, but it would just be too crazy hard with her brothers in tow. Secondly, I know it must be hard to have two in diapers, etc in the house at the same time, but at least you get the tough stuff of the baby/toddler years out of the way more quickly. But the time our youngest is 3, I'll have spent nearly a decade toting around a diaper bag, etc.

[Anonymous]

That spacing certainly makes for an easy start, which I think sets everything off on the right foot.

For us, DC#1 was 3 years, 4 months when DC#2 was born. It's been great -- no jealousy and lots of interest and "helping" from the very start.

The logistics were also quite smooth. DC#1 no longer wanted to be carried around, could get in and out of the carseat solo, and was good at self-entertaining when necessary (ex. no worries about what to do with DC#1 while nursing). DC#1 also understood the need to be a little patient (and quiet!) when the baby was sleeping or fussy.

Now almost a year later, it's still great. They play together, and DC#1 is remarkably patient and kind with the little one. And as a mom, I feel like I'm present with each of my kids. Friends whose kids are very close in age look back on the early years and say they're like a "blur". I don't feel that way -- I think because DC#1 is older, I can really savor the time with my baby.

[Anonymous]

Overall I think this spacing worked well for our family -- three kids are all between 3 and 3.5 yrs apart. The downside was having a full decade with someone in diapers and needing to be picked up, put in car seats, not in school full time. I remember how relieved I was when our youngest finally was off to full-day kindergarten -- it felt liberating in a way that's almost indescribable!

[Anonymous]

3.5 years apart. Sometimes it's been disjointed in terms of activities or naps, but often it comes together. I loved reading these posts b/c I could totally relate. No matter what you do--close together or farther apart, it's all good. You just make it work. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for asking this! I have a 18 mo old DS and am thinking 3 yrs would be ideal for me. It might even be a bit more if I had my perfect world, b/c I don't want another August birthday (too close to cut off date). Anyway, my sister and I were 3 yrs 3 months apart and are very close as adults. I idolized her (she's older) as a kid and we definitely played together. We were 4 yrs apart in school - so never in high school at the same time. I think that was nice because we had our own experiences and I was never just so-and-so's younger sister.

[Anonymous]

Our children are 3 years to the day apart and I can say it's been amazing spacing. I think it depends a lot on the personality of the older child. I see some people on here commenting that their kids don't play together. I don't feel that way at all. Ours are 1 and 4 and play together all the time.

[Anonymous]

I have two girls 3 1/2 years apart. As others have said, it is all good. The only downside I can think of is that it feels like we have had separate drop offs and pick ups forever and it is a long time before they are at the same school. In the grand scheme of things, not at all a big deal.