new mom - does the fear fade?

[Anonymous]

I am a new mom of a three week old. He is healthy and wonderful but behind my happiness I am somewhat terrified all the time that something bad will happen to him. I'm not afraid that we don't know how to care for him, I guess it is more a fear of SIDS or illness and the like.

Please tell me this fades a little?

[Anonymous]

I only have a 5 month old myself, so I'm not sure what mamas of older babies and kids will say, but from my experience, it does get easier. What I've experienced is that the learning curve for being a parent is really steep the first time around, and when you look back after a month, 2 months, 1 year, etc you realize how far you've come and how much more confident you feel. BUT on the other hand, I think worrying about your little one comes with the territory of parenthood, and it's not uncommon to worry 100s of times a day no matter how old they are. So although it never goes away completely, hopefully you can take solice knowing that all parents feel the way you do and understand what you're going through. Congrats on you new baby!

[cmkeough]

I too had the same fears and than some. I would worry that the dog would harm or kill DD (she's now 5.5 months old), I would worry that I would inadvertanly drop her on a hard surface or that I would tumble down a flight of stairs with her in my arms. I was a little concerned and asked my therapist if this was normal, she assured me that it was and not to worry. I can recall when DD had a slight cold I thought for sure she was going to stop breathing in the middle of the night. We have one of those Angel monitors that detect if baby stops breathing, and yes I did use it with that setting but honestly it was a pain in the neck.

I don't remember when exactly all the fears faded but they did at least a couple of months ago.

Note: We do take precautions with our pets and DD.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is terrifying. Yes, the fear will fade. For me, it happened a little after the first birthday. (An enternity, right?) And even then, every once in a while, my heart would start pounding if I lost sight of him for a moment on the playground, etc.

We're nearing the fifth birthday, and I don't tend to be afraid at all any more. But oh, do I dread the day that he starts driving.

[Anonymous]

yes the fear will fade. as your child gets older, sturdier, stronger you will worry less. it's a big relief when that happens. you will still worry, but in different ways. like what happens if a classmate picks on your child and you're not there to protect him. and then a very strange thing happens...as you worry less about something happening to your child, you may start to worry...what if something were to happen to me, what if my child were to lose me, his mother, at a young age. i never gave a thought to my own mortality before my son was born. i find it a very unsettling fear (not the same gripping fear and worry of a newborn, but a strong fear nevertheless).

[Anonymous]

I just had my third and I am still scared of SIDS-actually STILL go in and check that my son is breathing, nuts I know but...

[Anonymous]

My oldest is four. I have 3 kids. The fear has never faded.

[Anonymous]

WOW.

I have one and yes, the fear faded for me. Probably when he was about 6mos and seemed more sturdy. Now that he is 2, there are no worries, except if he is where he needs to be with his vocabulary or some other milestone, but that's just small stuff.

i'm pregnant again and now I'm afraid I will be too lax with #2 because I truly do realize now that babies are very strong and not as delicate and fragile as we all like to think. I think things will be much different this second time. Even the pregnancy is different. There are some days I forget I'm even pregnant...when the 1st time I obsessed all day long about how the pregnancy was progressing.

[Anonymous]

The fear never really goes away. So in a way, that love that you have for your child has its downsides. What will happen is that you will realize that you can not control everything, and you will learn to let go of some of the stress.
Always remember to use your judgment and instincts. If you have doubt with your child, then go with that, even when they are 35.

[Anonymous]

As I had a nightmare last night about my baby's safety- no- it hasn't stopped.. no longer fears about SIDS but now many other things.. not all the time, it depends on what happens to friends or the news.. <sigh> just want to protect them.. (mother of 2)

[Anonymous]

Sorry but the fear evolves form sids to autism to pool accidents to car accidents and on and on. The key is to manage your fear but just controlling what you can and giving up the rest to faith. Also--think of all the kids who have grown up to eventually be old people

[Anonymous]

Yes! I'm the father of an 8-month-old now, and we recently met a couple with a 9-week-old. They looked so scared, and all I could think of was how scared we were at the beginning. Now, even that short time ago seems like another life. Everything changes so quickly. I remember not too long ago being worried about things like her hating tummy-time (will she ever hold her head up?), and now I'm worried about her hurtling herself over the side of the crib, or crawling away faster than I can catch her.

[Anonymous]

Agree with all the other PPs about the fear both diminishing and evolving as your child grows. Just one note though it may not apply for you - the Post had a story probably a few years ago now about the relationship between anxieties about the baby's health/safety and PPD. Evidently paralyzing fears of this kind are typical of one type of PPD. I learned after my own mother's death that she had actually sought counseling for this after the birth of me or one of my brothers; she was the world's most amazing parent which underscores the obvious that this can happen to anyone. So if you or others feel like the fears are too consuming or endure too long, be sure to talk to your doctor about this.

[Anonymous]

I have 4 and 7 year olds and I think the fear just morphs into other areas - now I am afraid of someone touching them innapropriately or getting hit by a car because they are not paying attention or someone hurting their feelings/self esteem or someone kidnapping them or.... the list goes on and it changes as they age and face new dangers. Its normal and it means you are a good mom and have strong instincts.

[Anonymous]

I'll add that a certain level of fear is actually a good thing. There is no point obsessing over SIDS; as long as you are doing what the MDs say to do, the rest is out of your hands (though still perfectly normal to go in to check the breathing, just to reassure yourself!). But if you maintain a healthy fear over those things you CAN control, then accidents like dog bites, falls, etc. are less likely to happen. After my second was born, I was PETRIFIED that I'd forget one of them in a shopping cart or whatever. Odds of me doing that were obviously pretty slim, no matter how sleep deprived I was. But still, it never hurts to have it in the back of your head; I always double checked the backseat before I turned on the car!