Really struggling as a newly single mom

[Anonymous]

I am a newly single mom and close to a sole parent. ExDH has launched himself into a new relationship, there may or may not have been overlap, and is even more checked out. I have had to go to work which has been a rocky transition with 2 SN kids. ExDH has not been too involved with the kids and they are angry and confused. I have no family in the area and few friends. I'm really struggling to hold it together and get everything done. The kids have attention issues and are hard to manage in the morning and at night, when I am exhausted myself. I am really grieving the life I wanted for the kids, we are now in a 1 BR apt for 3 of us. I've had to cut back on their therapies, 2 downsized homes are still more expensive. One child has an ODD diagnosis and it is so hard to stay patient with no breaks and no backup (kids live with me full time). Any words of advice or wisdom that we will get through this and maybe thrive some day? I am so isolated and just feel drained.

[Anonymous]

What's the legal situation?

[Anonymous]

Hang in there. Just take things moment by moment. When things get tough remind yourself that this is temporary and you will get through it. And post here as an outlet and for support. But do try to enjoy the holidays. Things will get better. Best wishes to you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Just sending virtual support. It will take some time to develop a routine and it will take some time for the kids to adjust. During that time, things will probably be pretty rough, but they will get better. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry. You have a lot on your plate. And, having a special needs child myself who is a handful, I know how hard it is to even get help from friends. I hope once the craziness of the holidays passes, you can get your lives on track.

[Anonymous]

I just wanted to write and give you a virtual hug.

You are not isolated and you may want to find some listservs for ODD, so you get some support and ideas virtually. I actually love DCUM for all its craziness and often post questions, stupid ones, frantic ones, anything. Sometimes you get great ideas and good support. You can be anonymous and confess how upset things make you, or ask for ideas about how to tackle problems that you need to solve.

More importantly, you are lucky to have your kids. I know you don't feel that way: it's draining and you feel abandoned by your STBX. But my STBX has filed for sole custody, fights me tooth and nail to see my DS, accused me of alcoholism to prevent me from spendign time with DS. I miss him terribly. I worry every day he feels abandoned by me.

Hang in there! See victory in the smallest things and don't let the things that still are works in progress upset you. Perfection is NOT a good trait to have for parenting, let alone SNs.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everone. X is going skiing for 2 weeks which is so crazy, can't imagine not wanting so be with the kids at Chirstmas. It breaks my heart fot them. That said, it gives us a nice long stretch of time to be together and to create new traditions. Keeping my eye on the little victories sounds like a good plan. There have been a few this week and it is only Wed.

[Anonymous]

Hang in there. With time, you begin to realize you have more strength than you know. You will have to work at resolving some of the logistics, but for the most part, focus on getting you and the children settled into your new normal, and the rest will begin to fall into place.

[Anonymous]

I know it's hard OP, but please hang in there. It will get easier and one day your dc's will know what a good parent you are and who was there for them when it counted. God bless.

[Anonymous]

xmas

[Anonymous]

For the therapy -- check with your local county. I know VA has a lot of services for for kids that get paid on a sliding scale for mental health issues. Maybe your kids qualify for some of those?

[Anonymous]

Oh OP I could have written your post a year ago. I was on the verge of losing my mind. I only have one child who is not SN so I can't say that I had as much on my plate, but my son wasn't even a year old and his dad left us high and dry. All of my family is in Europe so I had no help/breaks either.

I know exactly what you mean by "grieving for the life you wanted to have." I was in the same boat. I think that was the hardest part of everything.

Take the help from the friends you have. At least in my situation they were sincere when offering and it helped A LOT.

Sure for child support. He needs to be at least financially responsible.

Little by little things will get better. You and your children will create new traditions, new routines and then you'll wake up one day and feel like it's not so bad after all.

HUGE virtual hug to you!

[Anonymous]

Your ex is an asshole and nothing good will come to him for leaving you in this situation and not helping you with the kids he helped create. Just make sure you get financial assistance from him so you can get some help in the home and get some time for yourself. Document everything and get a good lawyer to present your case and get what you so rightfully deserve. My heart goes out to you, try to establish a an early bedtime for them so you can get some ME time and plenty of rest.

[Anonymous]

get him to court to pay to make up difference.

[Anonymous]

there is always 2 sides to every story. I doubt this is the complete truth. What is his rationale?