I feel like an awful mother

[Anonymous]

My DS, 9, has ADHD. Tonight was an awful night. He was out of control, screaming, and being rough with his siblings. I totally lost it with him and screamed at him that, "I can't take this anymore." It was ugly, and now I feel awful. After I got him to bed I just went into my room and sobbed. Aside from feeling like a terrible mother, I feel like his future is so bleak. I feel so helpless and like all of the therapy and other things we do to help him are failing. I don't know what to do anymore.

[Anonymous]

I've done this with my NT son so don't feel like an awful mother. You are a human being and you were pushed past your limits. It happens. Just apologize tomorrow and keep on swimmin. It will make you both feel better.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry OP. Parenting a SN kids can be REALLY hard. We all get pushed to our limits (and beyond) sometimes. Apologize and move on. Is your DH in therapy? Meds and a regular therapy has helped my ADHD child tremendously. Life is still not easy (for him or me), but I can honestly say that it is getting better. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Don't feel like a bad mother. you are not super human -- you probably are actually but we all have a limit.

[Anonymous]

You got a little out of control and gave yourself a time out. That's what you're supposed to do. I absolve you! Now, stop being so hard on yourself. When I have moments like yours, I apologize to the kids afterwards. Then, when I have a quiet moment with them and we're talking about ADHD, our brains, control, etc., I remind them of the time I got out of control and needed a time out. We all have those moments. We need to recognize what happened and then try to do a better job next time. When you're DS has his moments, I'm sure you don't keep beating him up afterwards about it - you should do the same for yourself.

Also, don't lose hope. You're doing a great job with hm and with all that you're doing, he will be okay. It may take him longer to mature but you should have every expectation of success for him. It's just hard right now. Good luck and lots of hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS, 9, has ADHD. Tonight was an awful night. He was out of control, screaming, and being rough with his siblings. I totally lost it with him and screamed at him that, "I can't take this anymore." It was ugly, and now I feel awful. After I got him to bed I just went into my room and sobbed. Aside from feeling like a terrible mother, I feel like his future is so bleak. I feel so helpless and like all of the therapy and other things we do to help him are failing. I don't know what to do anymore.

I've been there, so first of all: you're not a bad mother. If you were a bad mother, you wouldn't care.

Second, try to remember that this is a snapshot. It was one bad day. That doesn't mean the whole future is bleak. I know I tend to extrapolate the worst times far into the future, so I understand why you're feeling this way, but we ALL have good and bad days. Try not to make more of it than one bad day, OK?

[Anonymous]

Bad mother = screaming at the child constantly and not caring

Good mother = slipping up on occasion and recognizing that it's something to curb to the extent possible

Very good mother = slipping up once in a blue moon and feeling really bad about it

Superhuman mother = never screaming at a SN (or ANY) child

Ok, maybe you fall short of Superhuman, but "very good" isn't so shabby.

[Anonymous]

Equally "bad" parent here. Homework, even with medication, is a struggle with DS, 8. There are days he does things great and other days when it is just horrible. For me, the worst is feeling that he's not making the effort - as we try to tell him, we don't expect perfection but we expect a good effort. The difference is very apparent from his attitude and the way he approaches things. Compounding the guilt is the near-certainty that he also has (still formally) undiagnosed LDs. He has an IEP but it is so clear this year that there has to be other stuff going on (we're in the process of scheduling a neuropsych exam to try to get a better handle on things). In some ways, I sometimes feel we're too tough - on the other hand, there are lots of things with him that we do praise...

Ugh - it's not easy. It feels like a rollercoaster ride with lots of ups and downs.

[Anonymous]

I hear you! All of you!

For me: Ds, 3rd grade, ADD, homework time = hell

As posters shared, we all lose it sometimes. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

OP here - thank you for all of the kindness. I'm so grateful for this board.

[Anonymous]

OP- I've definitely been there on more than one occasion. Some of my child's temperament is mine, after all So I give myself a time out and model the behavior I hope to see from my boys. Try to control the anger, accept that you will work harder to do better next time, and apologize because you are sorry for what you did. Not to say that you should do it on purpose, but it really is important for kids to learn how to screw up properly because we all do it.

[Anonymous]

I've so been there, OP. You're not a terrible mother - you're human, and this parenting thing is so hard. Sending you hugs - know you're not alone.

[Anonymous]

We have all been there OP! It's a marathon, not a sprint so pace yourself! Deep breaths and a glass of wine every now and then doesn't hurt either. We are all doing the best we can, even if it doesn't feel that way some days.