Old Friend's Wedding-To Go or Not

[Anonymous]

An old friend is getting married and I am happy for her but.........
Okay, she did not attend my wedding but did attend my shower and gave two generous gifts. I have never met her husband to be and we have seen each other once since my kids came along and part of me really don't care to go...but the other part of me want to be a better friend about it. It will be a lot of trouble to find a sitter and there isn't any friends that I would like to hang out or see there.

Our friendship is at a mutual stand offish and I know she will not be surprised if I can't make it.

Anyone in the same boat and what did you do? Any regrets?

[Anonymous]

Look ahead a year or two . . . or ten. In your heart of hearts, would you be happy to have this friendship in your life in the future or would you actually be a bit relieved to see it go away?

My feeling is this decision is not about your shared history or whether she went to your wedding (or sent gifts -- ick). It's about what you want going forward. If you're not excited to keep up the friendship post-wedding, now's the time to gracefully exit.

Good luck. Tell us what you decide to do!

[Anonymous]

go. be the better person not just for her, but for yourself. you don't have to stay the whole time. make it an early night - go to the ceremony but not the reception.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the wedding is in-town. If it's in town, go.

[Anonymous]

I invited a lot of people out of obligation/guilt to my own wedding, and I was actually happy to receive regrets from some of them. Weddings are very expensive these days, so depending on the location, you could be saving them a few hundred dollars by not going and just sending a gift.

[Anonymous]

Oh, I forgot to mention it is in town and we are only invited to the reception but NOT to the "private ceremony"...I guess that's another thread...

Thanks for your thoughts, I was going to let it go but DH kept asking if we are going or not for some reason.

[Anonymous]

If it's in town and you're not in touch- I'd pass. send a more generous gift.. it just doesn't sounds like you two will be in touch years down the road- and if you are- it won't be due to this wedding..

[Anonymous]

Would you go to "one up" her or do you want to go because you sincerely want to continue your friendship? Is the invitation sorta a formality since she was invited to your wedding?

Would you fill awkward not knowing anyone else there especially not on the groom's side?

Just a few things to think about.

[Anonymous]

I didn't go to an old friend's wedding a few years back and I really regret it. I made a silly excuse and she was classy enough to buy it..at least publically and I now feel like I was a jerk. I was raised to do the right thing and I was going through a selfish phase--you shouldn't go to events based on what personal events of yours were attended. Since the event is in town-get a sitter, while a pain, I have a hard time believing that with advance notice you can't find one.