Curious question for non-churchgoing families

[Anonymous]

Having a debate with a friend and looking for some opinions

If you don't attend religious services regularly, do you attend on holidays? If so, why only then? Do you go with extended family who expect you to? Do you just feel a sense of obligation?

I think my friend is looking at it from a Catholic standpoint where weekly Mass attendance is an expectation and is wondering what people "get" from just holiday attendance. I didn't have any answers for her!

[Anonymous]

We are not religious and don't go to church ever, not even for holidays. We used to placate our religious family members by attending on holidays and pretending to pray at the dinner table, but it felt way too fake, and I don't want to raise my kids to pay lip service to something unless they genuinely believed in it.

[Anonymous]

There are plenty of people that only go to church every week because they're supposed to. They don't listen to the homily, don't follow some of the other commandments, etc. Why put on a show?

I go when I'm with family that expects me to go. Nothing against church. Still consider myself catholic.

There are parts of my religion I simply don't agree with, so it's hard for me to follow some things. part of that is probably because of a former priest at my old church; he passed away after a very long struggle with cancer.

[Anonymous]

PP here. Didn't finish that last thought properly.

It makes me sad that a priest who was a good man doing God's work had to die of such a horrible illness. Why didn't he get a miracle? My grandmother, another person very strong in her religious beliefs, also passed away from cancer. Was it God's fault? Of course not. But it still bothers me.

[Anonymous]

My husband is Catholic and is raising our kids in the Catholic Church. He takes them to Mass every week. I was raised Methodist and used to attend with him, but do not anymore. I would call myself an agnostic now, but do see some of the societal benefits of religion and used to try to keep an open mind about his church. I used to go with him to show support for his faith and to get some of the psychological benefits of going to church for myself. However, the handling of the whole priest molestation thing really turned me off to the Catholic Church. I still go on holidays to not put a damper on the family celebration, but I just cannot bring myself to do more than that. So I guess the only thing I "get" from going on the holidays is that I did my part to make my family happy on a special day.

[Anonymous]

I do not attend church regularly, and I never go on holidays. However, I do attend various churches occassionally during the year (2-3 times) out of interest and curiousity mostly, and out of a not overwhelming desire to see if there is an insitution that would be right for me. I also attend events at various churches every month or two, such as a fundraiser or to be supportive to people. My child will sometimes attend with her grandparents during holidays if we are visiting, as I think that it is a good experience for her.

[Anonymous]

Tradition to go at Easter and Christmas. For a few years I started going more but I didn't get any more spiritually out of it so quit forcing it.

It is also a tradition to eat turkey at thanksgiving. Does your friend want to know why i don't have turkey every Thursday?

[Anonymous]

I grew up going weekly (Catholic) and wanted to do this with my kids. Unfortunately I have two boys who are big and active, and right now only the oldest is capable of sitting even remotely still during mass. It just got too stressful trying to keep a toddler from running up the aisle, so we go far less frequently than we'd like. The older one started CCD this year, and I'm hoping to integrate more regular attendance at mass now. I feel badly about it, and even when we rarely made it on Sundays, both parents tried to go intermittently during the week and all of us on holidays. I used to be one of those judgmental people about holiday churchgoers, but I've learned my lesson.

[Anonymous]

I only go to church when I am visiting my in-laws, which luckily is not all that often since they live halfway across the country and we don't have the funds to fly there more than once a year.

I only go because it is expected of us. My husband (raised Methodist) and I (baptized Catholic) are agnostic-leaning-towards-atheist at this point, so we just get nothing out of attending church other than to not start an argument with his parents.

Sometimes you do things you don't really want to just to be nice/keep the peace. If I didn't like my in-laws, I probably wouldn't go to the trouble. But they are involved in their church community and their family friends all attend their church with them. We usually get a meal afterward, so I can deal with an hour of church with a good restaurant on the other end.

[Anonymous]

We don't attend church regularly since DH works weekends and I prefer to go as a family. we do go on Christmas Eve though.

[Anonymous]

My mom is Catholic but we were not raised religiously at all. Never went to church as a child. Never go to church as an adult. That said, I used to go on Christmas Eve with my mom - it was one of our Christmas Eve traditions. Do not do that now that we do not live in the same place, and do not plan to start now.

That said, my reasons (other than bonding with my mom) for going on holidays mostly relate to the actual ceremony and ritual that happens on holidays vs at other times. It's kind of an event, in the same way that a parade is an event. I would like to take my DD at least once, but she's one, and so the pomp and circumstance would be lost on her. Plus, midnight mass is past her bedtime.

[Anonymous]

I was raised a church goer. DH was not. We only go during holidays because I insist.

[Anonymous]

My family isn't very church going, although my grandparents do attend regularly if they are feeling up to it. Every year we debate who is going to go to the Christmas Eve service. I like to go because it's nice to sing hymns with everyone, they turn off the lights and everyone gets a candle and sings the First Noel, everything is decorated and people are all dressed up. No one goes for the religious aspect of it, we're mostly agnostic. This is why we don't go on Easter.

[Anonymous]

I only go to churches for funerals.

[Anonymous]

I am a non-practicing Catholic, my husband is an atheist. Even though I personally have big problems with the Church (views on women, no birth control in age of HIV and overpopulation, and molesting priests to start) and no longer attend, I still consider myself Catholic, as once you're raised in a religion like that, it's part of your culture and world view whether or not you remain a believer. We do not go to church or take our child to church, even on holidays. However, when my extremely Catholic mother comes to visit on holidays, I attend church with her. She is disabled, and needs someone to come with her. I don't take communion. If she wants to have my son come when he's older and can sit still, that would be ok too, so he can see what it's all about if he is at all interested. If he doesn't want to go, I won't force him, even to appease Grandma.

I don't think it's bad to just attend church or temple at the holidays. There are many different reasons why that makes sense, not least that I think that you don't need to haul yourself into a big building every week to be spiritual, or to have faith. The holidays move some people to seek out other believers, remember rituals, look for spiritual guidance, or come together with family. All warm and fuzzy motivations that should be celebrated instead of criticized by bean counting weekly churchgoers.