Do you feel like your DC's private school really cares about your DC?

[Anonymous]

My DC is in a private K-8 school. This is DC's first year. I feel a bit disappointed that the school is like a machine. I just don't feel the warmth from the faculty or administration as was purported during the interview process (which is a big reason we selected the school).

Am I expecting too much? We did come from a very loving preschool and I'm wondering if my expectations were set too high.

[Anonymous]

By and large, I feel that my kids' teachers do really care about them and that many of the administrators really care about what's good for the students in general. My kids are also at a K-8.

[Anonymous]

In my experience lots of things happening within a school can make it feels frayed at the edges and tense or to use your words,"like a factory". Remember, in the application process the school is putting its best foot forward. I think it helps to really check a school out before signing the contract. I am not speaking in terms of outplacement and % pass on AP exams, etc... but other things that reflect on how well run or NOT well run a school may be:

1) Who is the Head and how long have they been in their position? This will give you a good idea of how well a school will live up to its prior reputation. Recent turn over in administration: who left, why did they leave and how exhaustive was the search to replace them ? Did the school find the best qualified replacement or just who they could get quickly ? Lot's of recent turnover in Admin. can forebode several things: many long term staff wont like the changes at the top and may become underproductive, unhappy, less effective. There may be a lot of staff turn over.

2) In the case of admin. leaving, find out why they left . There may be financial reasons or school mission drift reasons that Admin. left. A school's rep tends to stay about 7 years longer than it is warranted ( "resting on laurels syndrome") So, first order of business is find out from parents who have older kids in the school who left, why they left and if they as old timer parents feel that the school has changed for better or for worse ? Best to know this info before the contract deadline date.

2) How big is the school's endowment ? Perhaps the "we feel like its a factory " feeling is because the AD is being told to fill spots. This is bad for a school in many ways: it is a set up for a lot of kids/parents who may be "high mait" types to get spots in the school because the school needs their $$$$ Catering to these types for financial reasons can make Admin. turn defensive after a while as the PITA parents wear them down. This burning out in face of helicopter parenting can give a non- PITA parent the impression that his/her child's school is a uncaring. Perhaps they are just worn down from all the PITA parents and their lawyers filing law suits over grades and such nonsense.

3) How polite are there people at the front desk when you walk in or call on the telephone? If you smile sweetly but are greeted by angry Sue and sister snap at you, then that is your first clue that your school has poor management.

[Anonymous]

I do not feel my school care about my child. My family is not politically aligned with the school and there is a lack of respect for opposing opinions both among parents and the administration. These differences can become very evident particularly in the upper grades. Sometimes I wonder if the school is in the business of educating or indoctrinating.

[Anonymous]

Our child is at St Pats and I think the head of the school is wonderful. He seems to be at everything and knows everyone..hope this isn't the school you are concerned about. I am surprised you feel this way at a K8 school..usually these are the types of schools known for being a bit warmer.

[Anonymous]

My DC is in a K-8 and we are new this year. I feel that the warmth etc expressed during the entire admissions process has lived up to reality for my child's experience. And our family's experience over the summer and into the first weeks it was also that same admissions love.

Now that school is grinding on, I personally am feeling something different there. Not really bad, just different. Here's what I think -- I think that the admissions process is now over for us -- we are there, enrolled and paying tuition. We're just parents, not special newcomers.

So now all that love is being bombarded on new possibilities and the light isn't shining on us anymore. Naturally I still want the light... for people to rush over and greet us, and hang on every word. But that's not reality, and we've been treated very well. Now I have to just make my way like everyone else

[Anonymous]

I sense that they care about making the parents feel that they care.

[Anonymous]

The first year my family switched from our preschool to the ongoing big school we had a culture shock because we didn't feel the warmth. The sense of community and warmth at the preschools in this area is tremendous and it's hard to go from that small community with adorable small sized children to the big school atmosphere. But now in the second year I really do feel the vibe much more easily and am loving it.

[Anonymous]

Can you name names please?

[Anonymous]

Yes. I do feel like our school cares about our child. She goes back and visits her prior year teachers at each back to school day. Our head of school knows every child by name. He spends time with the kindergarteners each year at back to school day and he shared a funny moment with our daughter in her kindergarten year. He still remembers it and talks about it periodically. I see and chat with her prior year teachers. Invariably, they give me some valuable feed back about our child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not feel my school care about my child. My family is not politically aligned with the school and there is a lack of respect for opposing opinions both among parents and the administration. These differences can become very evident particularly in the upper grades. Sometimes I wonder if the school is in the business of educating or indoctrinating.

That is too bad, because imho a fine mind is capable of finding commonality where view points or political perspectives may be different. Education should probe and produce some discourse. I heard that at STA they have a debate club in which students debate from a liberal and others from a conservative view point. Perhaps the kids don't choose, but are assigned a political perspective and have to rotate. Not completely sure, but you get the idea. Agree on your concerns for indoctrination , especially because that is so EASY to do with teens; a fact military dictators the world over take advantage of. You should not be paying 30K a year and end of with a narrower mind than you sent in.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Very much so.

[Anonymous]

Never gave it a thought.

[Anonymous]

I feel like my child's K-8 cares about her, BUT there have been several points as she moved up in the grades where I felt a culture shock - the warm fuzziness of 1st and 2nd grade (which of course is less than preschool) gives way to the self responsibility required in 5th grade (which is less than the self responsibility required in middle school). I'm expecting high school to be a huge shock!

[Anonymous]

Holton-Arms - absolutely - they know my DD and care about her. Personally, intellectually, and physically (when sick or sad).