when did your DS become 'coachable'?

[Anonymous]

i have an 8-yo soccer player who often chooses to play the game "at his own pace" - e.g. straggling behind playing *defense* while his team has the ball and is on the other half of the field, or simply be an on-field spectator/cheerleader than a player. and he's doing it against the coaches repeated, straightforward instructions ("get in the game Johny!" "what are you doing back there Johny?!" "there's no goalie Johny!"). he's a pretty good player when he's "on", yet it only adds to the frustration to us and the coaches.

he does OK at practices i believe and generally follows directions, and he always gives his best effort, but at games the pace is so fast and also coaches are on the sideline it's impossible to effectively re-direct his actions. this is a rec team so everyone gets the same playing time, but when he's on the field but not 'present' it's essentially hurting his team. at this age the kids can be pretty direct/hard on each others mistakes. good thing his team hardly ever loses, but at a few close games you could hear his name being called constantly . i wonder if he stays this way the future coaches might be forced to sit him more.

before you ask, yes, he has attention issues, so that might be part of it. but i'm hoping this is also an age thing? though from what i see none of his teammates have this problem...

[Anonymous]

It's an age thing. DS is a good athlete and now, at 12, coaches are always talking about how coachable he is. He plays travel basketball and baseball.

At that age, and really until he was a solid 10 years old, he was more like your son. He doesn't have attention issues (I know them because my DD has ADHD) but I think at that age, it's just hard.

However, I can say that when my DD got treatment for ADHD, her ability to participate in all sorts of things, including sports, got much better.

[Anonymous]

I keep wondering when my husband will be old enough to be coachable. Once, when I was taking skiing lessons, there was me, the ski instructor and a teenage boy. The ski instructor said something like "the difference between women and men is that women actually listen to what I say I try it"

[Anonymous]

My dd wouldn't even get on the field a year ago! Now she is playing on a select team at 8. She really didn't like all the cheering and felt too much pressure to be good.

I would recommend enrolling him in a soccer clinic where he would pick up some skills - it might make him a lot more comfortable on the field. There are indoor ones during the winter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i have an 8-yo soccer player who often chooses to play the game "at his own pace" - e.g. straggling behind playing *defense* while his team has the ball and is on the other half of the field, or simply be an on-field spectator/cheerleader than a player. and he's doing it against the coaches repeated, straightforward instructions ("get in the game Johny!" "what are you doing back there Johny?!" "there's no goalie Johny!"). he's a pretty good player when he's "on", yet it only adds to the frustration to us and the coaches.

he does OK at practices i believe and generally follows directions, and he always gives his best effort, but at games the pace is so fast and also coaches are on the sideline it's impossible to effectively re-direct his actions. this is a rec team so everyone gets the same playing time, but when he's on the field but not 'present' it's essentially hurting his team. at this age the kids can be pretty direct/hard on each others mistakes. good thing his team hardly ever loses, but at a few close games you could hear his name being called constantly . i wonder if he stays this way the future coaches might be forced to sit him more.

before you ask, yes, he has attention issues, so that might be part of it. but i'm hoping this is also an age thing? though from what i see none of his teammates have this problem...

This is a recreational soccer league and I guess the last season for your sons age prior to some moving on travel teams. That being said coaches might be a tad more assertive if they are interested in soccer as a sport for their own kid rather than as an activity. So don't worry. It sounds like your son enjoys being on a team but just isn't that into the game. By age 8 he might even not be all that enthralled with soccer as a sport. many have done it for 3 plus years at that point.

Some kids are coachable even before age 5. For all ages some while coachable don't have good field sense. Field sense is the ability to read the game and react. In youth leagues coaches commented on athletic ability, coachability and field sense. For lacrosse add stick skills. Some might also do well in controlled practice situations but be afraid of contact.

[Anonymous]

It's partly age but it is also personality.

My 9-yo is a coach's dream and always has been. From the first little soccer team we signed him up for at age 5, he was totally focused and hanging on the coach's every word, doing exactly what he said and looking for feedback that he was doing what was asked.

My 7-yo, not so much. Not really distracted, though, he's just not the same as my older one. He will sometimes end up in the wrong place on the field or court, or not know what he's supposed to do, or mistakenly have his back turned when the play is happening behing him, but he's usually running and making an effort to stick with what's going on.

I do think an 8-yo (is he in 2nd grade or 3rd?) should be able to stay with the game, for the most part. Especially in soccer. I can see a kid's mind wandering in baseball if he's standing in the outfield, but in soccer, they are moving just about all the time, the ball is in motion all the time, and he should be able, generally, to pay attention. You said he has attention issues and seems to be the only one on the team having this issue, so I wonder if that's part of it?

This is a rec team so it's less of an issue, but once you get to a competitive level (which does not necessarily mean travel, it just means at any level where the game is considered competitive as opposed to developmental, and win-loss standings are kept), then yes, I do think coaches will give less playing time to kids who are not focused or not following instructions during the game.

One thing you didn't mention was whether your son really likes soccer and wants to continue. Do you think maybe he's just "done" with it at this point?

[Anonymous]

My son plays on a U9 rec team and I'd say about 1/3 of the team is like that, but then they lost more often...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's partly age but it is also personality.

My 9-yo is a coach's dream and always has been. From the first little soccer team we signed him up for at age 5, he was totally focused and hanging on the coach's every word, doing exactly what he said and looking for feedback that he was doing what was asked.

My 7-yo, not so much. Not really distracted, though, he's just not the same as my older one. He will sometimes end up in the wrong place on the field or court, or not know what he's supposed to do, or mistakenly have his back turned when the play is happening behing him, but he's usually running and making an effort to stick with what's going on.

I do think an 8-yo (is he in 2nd grade or 3rd?) should be able to stay with the game, for the most part. Especially in soccer. I can see a kid's mind wandering in baseball if he's standing in the outfield, but in soccer, they are moving just about all the time, the ball is in motion all the time, and he should be able, generally, to pay attention. You said he has attention issues and seems to be the only one on the team having this issue, so I wonder if that's part of it?

This is a rec team so it's less of an issue, but once you get to a competitive level (which does not necessarily mean travel, it just means at any level where the game is considered competitive as opposed to developmental, and win-loss standings are kept), then yes, I do think coaches will give less playing time to kids who are not focused or not following instructions during the game.

One thing you didn't mention was whether your son really likes soccer and wants to continue. Do you think maybe he's just "done" with it at this point?

he's in 2nd. and for the most part his attention IS on the game, even when he's on the field watching and not getting into the actions. but just not doing what he's supposed/instructed to do, and doesn't react to re-direction very well. i mentioned his attention issues because i'm wondering if he heard coaches instructions but not really hearing them... which is not atypical of him...

oh, he loves soccer, plays at recess, in the backyard, etc., and wants to become a professional soccer player (and an astronaut too) when he grows up.

[Anonymous]

To my non-expert ear, it sounds like a developmental or possibly executive function kind of issue. Our son (who does have attention issues) has always enjoyed being on teams, but never been that into the game (basketball, baseball and soccer). We've sought out and been lucky to find low key teams where his level of skill/attention was not a problem for anyone else and the other folks' expectations were not a problem for him. Now, suddenly at nine, he wants to practice soccer every day, plays every day at recess and is really interested in getting better. In his last game, he did better than he has done in the two years (four seasons) he's been playing. Just a developmental thing I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To my non-expert ear, it sounds like a developmental or possibly executive function kind of issue.

I have no idea what this means. Are you suggesting that a 2d grader who doesn't always pay attention during a soccer game has an executive function problem, or simply that as he gets older this is likely to resolve itself? Because I think the former is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

I thought that the OP was the parent of a child on my son's team as it so accurately describes one of his teammates. But, it isn't, as my son is in 3rd grade. I will say that what has worked beautifully for this teammate of my son's is that now he is playing goalie for half the game--he's fabulous at goalie and I think he seems to really enjoy the role. Just one idea for you for moving forward...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought that the OP was the parent of a child on my son's team as it so accurately describes one of his teammates. But, it isn't, as my son is in 3rd grade. I will say that what has worked beautifully for this teammate of my son's is that now he is playing goalie for half the game--he's fabulous at goalie and I think he seems to really enjoy the role. Just one idea for you for moving forward...

so, is it safe to say that the kid didn't really become more coachable, but because of the new position he got to what he wanted to do without looking 'out of place' at games?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought that the OP was the parent of a child on my son's team as it so accurately describes one of his teammates. But, it isn't, as my son is in 3rd grade. I will say that what has worked beautifully for this teammate of my son's is that now he is playing goalie for half the game--he's fabulous at goalie and I think he seems to really enjoy the role. Just one idea for you for moving forward...

so, is it safe to say that the kid didn't really become more coachable, but because of the new position he got to what he wanted to do without looking 'out of place' at games?

Not the PP but I would say, based on experience, that goalie CAN be a great position for ADHD kids. High adrenaline moments, and moments where you can relax - as long as you can stay focused enough to notice that the ball is moving your way.

[Anonymous]

I can say that between 2d and 3d grade a number of children on my child's team made big strides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought that the OP was the parent of a child on my son's team as it so accurately describes one of his teammates. But, it isn't, as my son is in 3rd grade. I will say that what has worked beautifully for this teammate of my son's is that now he is playing goalie for half the game--he's fabulous at goalie and I think he seems to really enjoy the role. Just one idea for you for moving forward...

so, is it safe to say that the kid didn't really become more coachable, but because of the new position he got to what he wanted to do without looking 'out of place' at games?

Not the PP but I would say, based on experience, that goalie CAN be a great position for ADHD kids. High adrenaline moments, and moments where you can relax - as long as you can stay focused enough to notice that the ball is moving your way.

I would say that, yes, while the teammate that I'm describing as increased slightly in coachability over the last year or so, the goalie role seems to be a better fit for his needs and abilities. Really, it seems like a very positive thing for both him, his parents, and the needs of the team/coach. Hope it helps you. Maybe sign him up for a goalie clinic/course?