Forum Index
»
Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
CIO at 9 months?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I know that by posting this topic, I'm taking the chance of stirring up some flames out there -- but I'm seriously desperate for real, honest, direct advice from moms who have already gone through this dilemma - so please don't post snarky comments just for the sake of posting them. Thank you in advance....
My 9 month old dd (second child) wakes up constantly throughout the night, wanting to comfort nurse or needing her pacifier. She doesn't know how to self-soothe because we had made the decision, around 5 months, that we wouldn't do CIO with her (we did it with my first born, and it was a nightmare for us and for him and I didn't want to go through it again). However, at this point, I think our decision is doing a disservice to her, because she doesn't know how to sleep on her own, and we aren't giving her time/space to figure it out (because we don't want her to cry). But during the day, she's exhausted, cranky, has dark circles under her eyes, and has trouble napping. Needless to say I'm a wreck and barely functioning. So something has to change. Any suggestions? Alternatives to CIO at this age? What have other parents done? I'm probably 48 hours away from putting her in her crib at bedtime and not coming back until the morning. |
Anonymous
| We used Elizabeth Pantley's book at 11 months, the No-Cry Sleep Solution. It took almost a month but completely helped. She now naps well and usually wakes up once at night, we reassure her and she sleeps the rest of the way through. Good luck with whatever you try! |
Anonymous
You might be answering your own question. Your not giving her space to figure it out. You don't want her to cry but until they get used to it they will cry. Anyone that tries cio remember it's not a 2 or 3 day thing. It might take a couple of weeks, but they will get used to it. I'm not say for you to do it, but if you want to weigh the difference, I would really give it a try. Maybe you have tried it for a couple of days. It's a nightmare for you because maybe you haven't given it enough time. They will learn how to self sooth if that's what you want, but you have to allow them time to get used to the fact that their ok even if your not their the whole time. Cio will be a nightmare the first few days but you have to go through the tough days to get to easy night after easy night. It will get easier. |
Anonymous
|
personally I wouldnt CIO and I have a high needs baby
are you reacting when she fusses or when she cries ... there is a big differnce and if she cries do you give her a minute to solve the problem on her own (find her paci) also you can put several pacis in the bed so she can find them easier how about a lovey in bed with her (teddy bear etc.) |
Anonymous
| Is co-sleeping an option? I still co-sleep with my 9 month old and just hope that one day she'll learn to sleep in the crib. In the meantime, we all get some much-needed sleep. |
Anonymous
|
I know some people might say it's dangerous, but...
We placed a Gund Snugie Blankie in our DD's crib at 8th mon. She sleeps through the night since then. You might want to put something in the crib that soothes your daughter while sleeping. |
Anonymous
| I beg you - please read the book "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer." It has great tips on sleep, and while I started it at 4 months with my son, the author says it can be started any time (earlier/later). It was truly a fabulous book. I also read "Healthy sleep habits healthy child" or something like that and used a couple tips there, but Baby whisperer was amazing. |
Anonymous
| Maybe you could make up your own version of CIO. That's kind of what we're doing with 6-mo-old DD right now. We leave her to her own devices when trying to fall asleep, but if she gets too worked up for more than a few minutes, we do whatever is necessary to soothe her (holding, nursing, etc.) Usually she just fusses and whines without breaking into a full on cry - but even then it's been hard for me to adjust to the idea of letting her figure it out on her own. She does seem to be getting better at falling asleep initially at night, and we're hoping it rubs off on the night wakings too. I drew inspiration, so to speak, from reading the No Cry Sleep Solution and the Baby Whisperer Solves all Your Problems. |
Anonymous
I think you will realize the problems with cosleeping later on. It will be harder to get them out of your bed later and self soothing will be not only tougher for them, it will delay their indepandent sleeping by a mile. You should break cosleeping as soon as possible to make it easier later on. |
Anonymous
|
Thank you so much -- (OP again) -- I'll try reading some of the books mentioned, will head to the bookstore tomorrow. Yes, we've tried cosleeping, which helps us both get some sleep, but not allowing dd learn to self-soothe as I tend to automatically reach over and put her pacifier back in her mouth.
The other dilemma is my older son - the kids share a common wall, so if I let her CIO it could potentially disrupt his sleep, which is not an option as he's had some recent sleep issues himself (fighting bedtime, etc - he's 3 yrs). Should I put her in a pack-and-play in my bedroom and let her fuss & cry there? And yes, she quickly escalates from fussing to crying - and usually ends up standing up in her crib wailing. I put her lovey in her crib with her, but it's one of those soft Giraffe blankets and I'm always nervous about leaving her alone with it (what if...etc). No easy answers I guess. For moms with older babies who have been through this - if I continue to cosleep with her, at what age does she learn to sleep on her own? Do I have to wait until she's much older and then slowly wean her (like Dr. Sears suggests)? Or could it happen earlier, maybe after her first birthday? |
Anonymous
If you continue to cosleep she won't learn to sooth herself because you have eliminated the other choice. It could take two or three years if you don't nip it now. It will be tougher later so go through the tougher times now to make it easier later on. If you want your child to self sooth than great, but actually take cosleeping out of equation. Cosleeping does'nt teach anything, it just is a temporay solution to a bigger issue. You can nip it, but you have to be strong. Your baby knows that you will come in every few minutes so what is going to make her want to try and sleep on their own. They will get used to sleeping in their own bed but you have to give them that chance. |
Anonymous
|
The other dilemma is my older son - the kids share a common wall, so if I let her CIO it could potentially disrupt his sleep, which is not an option as he's had some recent sleep issues himself (fighting bedtime, etc - he's 3 yrs). Should I put her in a pack-and-play in my bedroom and let her fuss & cry there? And yes, she quickly escalates from fussing to crying - and usually ends up standing up in her crib wailing. I put her lovey in her crib with her, but it's one of those soft Giraffe blankets and I'm always nervous about leaving her alone with it (what if...etc). No easy answers I guess. You need a white noise machine if you decide to CIO. I put a humidifier fan outside my 3 year old's room to keep him from waking up when his younger brother gets up early in the morning. HTH |
Anonymous
| I just wanted to add that CIO doesn't mean crying until extinction (leaving her in the room and coming back in the morning). Dr. Ferber provides a modified approach, and we modified it even further (at around 18 months). Took several days, but it allows you to respond at intervals, so that while you're not physically comforting, you're providing comforting words to let them know you are there and it is all okay. I think some people get so exhausted and desperate that they jump straight into extreme CIO, when there are alternatives. |
Anonymous
|
what if you worked on stopping the night nursing first? at 9 months she probably is nursing just for comfort so what might work is making that option unavailable to her -- it would probably work best if your DH did the soothing at night. This might cut down on some awakenings.
Also, I'm not a fan of CIO, but I think there's CIO and there's CIO if you know what I mean -- by 9 months, I think you could try working on a great bedtime routine and then working on putting her down just a bit less totally asleep every night. If she cries, give it ten minutes and if it doesn't work, go in and rock her. I acknowledge this approach may not bear fruit immediately. I also really recommend a lovey. If you're not comfortable with the giraffe try something smaller, but I really wouldn't worry too much by 9 months. Having stuffed animals in the crib helped my DS - who was a terrible sleeper - so much. |
Anonymous
| We did a form of CIO with our first and plan to do the same with the second. He is pretty much a happy sleeper most days. |