Playdate etiquette- do you bring something to their house each time?

[Anonymous]

New to the playdate world. I was always brought up to never go emtpy handed to someone's home. I've only done first time meetings and have brought something each time. This time host says not to bring anything so... don't bring anything? I feel so funny not to, must be all the conditioning I was brought up with. What is the eitquette of continuous get together's - first yes bring something, no to rest of get togethers? Thanks!

[Anonymous]

If they say not to bring anything then it is "ok" not to bring anything. I'm like you and always have to bring something. So I usually make cookies and say you can have them for a snack or just keep them for later for the family.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean by 'bring something'? A playdate is just that - not a potluck. I figure that the playdate will be reciprocated at some point so I'll just offer food or drink for the kiddos.

[Anonymous]

Every group seems to have their own rules for this. With one group of women who became dear friends, we were all cheerful slackers who had a pretty firm "no catering" policy. Maybe that week's hostess would boil water for tea/coffee, but that was about it. Kids' snacks were BYO. You showed up, played, gossiped and went home.

Now I'm in another group that's going through a coffee/donuts/fruit/bagels/cupcakes phase and while the food is delicious (and the people equally wonderful), I dread having to be organized enough to put out a spread when it's my turn.

I think if the host says to come empty-handed, that's what you should do. I think of playgroups as being more akin to a co-op than to a pure social invitation. You contribute by showing up, helping to police your rugrat and hosting on a regular basis. No scented candles, muffins or fruit bowl necessary.

[Anonymous]

to the immediate PP - Playgroup is different than playdate.

[Anonymous]

You do not have to take anything to a playdate. I've always been fed snacks and drinks at every playdate I've been to.

I always offer a meal. I think some moms feel bad or feel the need to reciprocate. I just like to feed people when they are in my home. My mom used to be the same way. She would constantly bring out food. Now I do the same. Our playdates are usually in the morning or late afternoon. Our playdates usually run into the time of lunch or dinner so I just serve a meal.

I rarely take anything to someone's home for a playdate. Most moms bring snacks for their child even if I serve. Of course my son will want what they bring so they usually share the small bag of goldfish or apples or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Its ok!

[Anonymous]

Nope, no need to bring anything. If you dread going somewhere empty-handed, a contribution to snacks is a nice idea, e.g., kid-friendly cheese, apple slices, whatever. But honestly, nothing is just fine, and pretty much what I expect and offer!

[Anonymous]

OP are you a SAHM or WOHM parent? I think there may be some differences there. I suspect SAHM are much more casual about it, it's just a way to fill up the day and have some adult interaction. WOHM it is a much more orchestrated and coordinated event b/c of the much less flexible schedules, and I think they would feel more compelled to bring something since you might not get over there but once or twice a month.

[Anonymous]

If the mom says not to bring anything, don't bring anything.

I've never once brought something to a playdate, nor has anyone ever brought anything to our house when their kid comes over.

(Perhaps this is in part because my kid has food allergies and that would just make her uncomfortable.)

[Anonymous]

I remember a mom bringing a little craft/ toy on the first play date, and then I felt I should bring a toy to her house, and then she brought something else to my house, and then I...stopped the vicious circle. Too much stress.

[Anonymous]

No, just bring a drink and snack for your child. They invite you over, you invite them. No need to bring something each time. It gets ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

I don't even think you need to bring a snack and drink for your kid (maybe just their water bottle), let alone a hostess gift. The expectation is the person hosing will provide a snack if the kids get hungry.

[Anonymous]

No, you don't need to bring anything to a play date. I usually don't. Depending on the host, food is usually offered. I have never been to a play date where nothing is offered.

When I host, I always offer food and beverages. I also usually offer a meal if the play date is close to a meal time.

[Anonymous]

If she said not to, then don't bring anything. It'll stress her out thinking she should reciprocate.