s/o How would I integrate a special man into DD's life?

[Anonymous]

I have a 2 yr old DD, and honestly right now not much interest in dating.

Biodad is not involved, finances are all mine to handle, and I can't see spending $50 or more (babysitter) to go out with a stranger and have a questionable time. Also, as a working mom, I would feel guilty about taking the time from my DD right now -- I only see her awake maybe 4 hours a day during the week. And honestly, I have enough to do without adding dating to the mix.

I also wonder, if I do date, how/when would I integrate a special man into DD's life? I don't want to introduce lots of men to DD, obviously, but I don't feel like I could consider someone seriously if I didn't feel they would be a good father and get along well with DD.

Wondering how those of you who are dating have handled this, and how it worked out... TIA for sharing!

[Anonymous]

You aren't looking for a man but then you are looking for ways to integrate a man into your daughters life?

You should not be on the search to find a good father for your child. Be it the father is in the child's life or not, she has a father.

Obviously, wait. No advice needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You aren't looking for a man but then you are looking for ways to integrate a man into your daughters life?

You should not be on the search to find a good father for your child. Be it the father is in the child's life or not, she has a father.

Obviously, wait. No advice needed.

OP here, you missed the point of the question, which I guess I need to obviously state, is, right now, rhetorical. And a man who wants nothing to do with his child is not a father, he's a sperm donor -- that's from the 15 yr-old son of very nice single mom I know.

I definitely don't need your advice.

[Anonymous]

My brother introduced his long term girlfriend as a friend only, which worked because his son had seen other friends cone over or go on outings - couples, guys, a couple of female friends, or just groups of friends. No sleepovers. Fun stuff like ball games or movies.

I'm a stepmom, FWIW. I think if you get serious about someone, you need to talk a lot about parenting styles, who disciplines, how to discipline, for example. Are you a nonspanker, but he believes in a good pop on the butt? Religion? Schooling? Manners? Saving for college? My husband and I talked about this stuff until we were blue in the face before marriage, and STILL we have arguments over how to raise the kids. Fortunately at our core we are pretty much on the same page. But it's hard to know until you live it.

[Anonymous]

I might catch a lot of flak for this on this board, but in my case I never made a big deal out of introducing a man to my daughter.

I have always had many male friends. For most of my daughter's life, I was not in any long term relationship, and the line between "friend" and "boyfriend" was sometimes blurry. Guys slept over all the time, usually on the couch, sometimes not.

Maybe I was lucky, but I am certain that my daughter never saw anything that traumatized her. More importantly, she never saw a man be disrespectful to her mother, nor has a man ever mistreated her in any way.

There were a few men she saw several times and never saw again. Once or twice there may have been a breakup (which she did not witness of course), other times just friends who moved away or lost touch.

Now that I am in a relationship which I hope will last a long time, we still find time for old friends. My daughter's father lives in another state but stays in touch through phone and infrequent visits.

My boyfriend is not threatened by the fact that all these men are still a part of my daughter's life just as they are part of mine. I don't think I could ever be with a guy who was.

[Anonymous]

I think this sort of thing is pretty intuitive once you're in it. It's much more difficult to handle in the hypothetical.

I mean, you have a good sense of who the guy is and you find that certain questions emerge organically through the course of the friendship as it develops. Also, you know where your own head is and where your child is at that point in terms of maturity/development.

Not sure that there are any general rules to follow.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same boat with twin 2.5 year olds. I've been dating a guy for about 2 months now and have been struggling with the same question. Right now my thought is, 'let's see where this is at the 6 months point and revisit." Overall, I'm of the mind that if we get serious and it's headed down the marriage path, it'll be time for them to meet. Probably initially in group settings and then slowly have him become a friend of our family.

Hope that helps. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat with twin 2.5 year olds. I've been dating a guy for about 2 months now and have been struggling with the same question. Right now my thought is, 'let's see where this is at the 6 months point and revisit." Overall, I'm of the mind that if we get serious and it's headed down the marriage path, it'll be time for them to meet. Probably initially in group settings and then slowly have him become a friend of our family.

Hope that helps. Good luck.

You have 2.5 year old twins and you have time to date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat with twin 2.5 year olds. I've been dating a guy for about 2 months now and have been struggling with the same question. Right now my thought is, 'let's see where this is at the 6 months point and revisit." Overall, I'm of the mind that if we get serious and it's headed down the marriage path, it'll be time for them to meet. Probably initially in group settings and then slowly have him become a friend of our family.

Hope that helps. Good luck.

You have 2.5 year old twins and you have time to date?

Not that poster, but why is it weird? Assuming the father's in the picture, joint custody allows plenty of kid-free time to date.