What is your income to allow one parent to stay at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Amusing how the OP asked about a parent staying home, but it morphed into SAHM. I remember before recession when millenials were first becoming parents with their idealism, the idea of SAHD was gaining traction. Now I think it is ridiculed even vilified, so many threads on DCUM how SAHD can't go to play dates because <scandal> or other ways they can't fit in with the SAHM posse in every neighborhood.

But are there any DW making it so bank that it made sense for DH to stay home. Please no stories about those man children who can't hold a job and play video games all day, but actual professional men who decided DW career took precedence.

Yes, plenty of stay at home dads in my neighborhood. One in our family too.

Where?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were willing to sacrifice just about everything but necessities to keep me at home. The first few years were rough. We lived in Raleigh, North Carolina on less $50,000. My DH's income is about $160,000 now so while we are not rich, we are comfortable. We moved away from DC and $160,000 feels like a ton of money here. I went back to work part-time when our youngest started middle school and that helped as well.

We only had one car but my DH had a work vehicle. That really helped. Almost all of our vacations were trips to visit family in different parts of the country. We lived overseas for a few years so we were able to travel some then as well. I budgeted very carefully. We limited activities to one per child. We were just really careful with our money back then. It's much easier to save with one parent at home.

Our kids are grown now. Zero regrets. It was worth it for our family.

You realize that $50k want a lot farther when you started staying home 25-30 years ago (or whatever) than it does now, right?

Yes, things were quite different a generation ago.

LOL, more millennial excuses.

C'mon you're delusional if you dont accept what's happened to the housing market and cost of higher education.

I am the poster who was willing to sacrifice everything to SAH. Think. $50,000 went a lot further 35 years ago. My DH's salary would have been higher by today's standards. It all comes down to how important being home is to you and to your family. We would have sold our home and moved into a tiny apartment to avoid daycare. It was that important to us. There are truly people who have no choice but to have both parents working. But that is not the case for most people. In DC you can afford to live comfortably on 80,000. In my hometown you could easily live on 50,000. You won't drive brand new cars, take expensive vacations, splurge on clothing, send your kids to private school, or live in a grand home. But you will be present for your kids. For us there was no price tag on that.

Mine are college and beyond and I'm working in a job I love. I have zero regrets about my 27 years at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were willing to sacrifice just about everything but necessities to keep me at home. The first few years were rough. We lived in Raleigh, North Carolina on less $50,000. My DH's income is about $160,000 now so while we are not rich, we are comfortable. We moved away from DC and $160,000 feels like a ton of money here. I went back to work part-time when our youngest started middle school and that helped as well.

We only had one car but my DH had a work vehicle. That really helped. Almost all of our vacations were trips to visit family in different parts of the country. We lived overseas for a few years so we were able to travel some then as well. I budgeted very carefully. We limited activities to one per child. We were just really careful with our money back then. It's much easier to save with one parent at home.

Our kids are grown now. Zero regrets. It was worth it for our family.

You realize that $50k want a lot farther when you started staying home 25-30 years ago (or whatever) than it does now, right?

Yes, things were quite different a generation ago.

LOL, more millennial excuses.

C'mon you're delusional if you dont accept what's happened to the housing market and cost of higher education.

I am the poster who was willing to sacrifice everything to SAH. Think. $50,000 went a lot further 35 years ago. My DH's salary would have been higher by today's standards. It all comes down to how important being home is to you and to your family. We would have sold our home and moved into a tiny apartment to avoid daycare. It was that important to us. There are truly people who have no choice but to have both parents working. But that is not the case for most people. In DC you can afford to live comfortably on 80,000. In my hometown you could easily live on 50,000. You won't drive brand new cars, take expensive vacations, splurge on clothing, send your kids to private school, or live in a grand home. But you will be present for your kids. For us there was no price tag on that.

Mine are college and beyond and I'm working in a job I love. I have zero regrets about my 27 years at home.

NP here, age 37. If your story started 35 years ago you are contemporaries of my parents. They bought their house in the California Bay Area for low 5 figures; it's now worth over $1 mil. Neither of them went to college but they were still able to get great jobs that put 2 kids through private school. Mom has a pension that pays 80% of her salary for life. It's a completely different world now and none of that is possible for people my age or younger. It's great that you stayed home, but I cannot stay home on the 2016 equivalent of $50k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Amusing how the OP asked about a parent staying home, but it morphed into SAHM. I remember before recession when millenials were first becoming parents with their idealism, the idea of SAHD was gaining traction. Now I think it is ridiculed even vilified, so many threads on DCUM how SAHD can't go to play dates because <scandal> or other ways they can't fit in with the SAHM posse in every neighborhood.

But are there any DW making it so bank that it made sense for DH to stay home. Please no stories about those man children who can't hold a job and play video games all day, but actual professional men who decided DW career took precedence.

Yes, plenty of stay at home dads in my neighborhood. One in our family too.

We've met a few SAHDs. We know a mom who is an orthopedic surgeon and her DH stayed home to take care of their kids. I know another managing director in NYC who earns seven figures whose husband stays home with the kids. He is always working on some new business venture but he is home. My friend's boss is also a director whose husband stays home. I think that guy is a bit of a loser though and can't hold a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were willing to sacrifice just about everything but necessities to keep me at home. The first few years were rough. We lived in Raleigh, North Carolina on less $50,000. My DH's income is about $160,000 now so while we are not rich, we are comfortable. We moved away from DC and $160,000 feels like a ton of money here. I went back to work part-time when our youngest started middle school and that helped as well.

We only had one car but my DH had a work vehicle. That really helped. Almost all of our vacations were trips to visit family in different parts of the country. We lived overseas for a few years so we were able to travel some then as well. I budgeted very carefully. We limited activities to one per child. We were just really careful with our money back then. It's much easier to save with one parent at home.

Our kids are grown now. Zero regrets. It was worth it for our family.

You realize that $50k want a lot farther when you started staying home 25-30 years ago (or whatever) than it does now, right?

Yes, things were quite different a generation ago.

LOL, more millennial excuses.

C'mon you're delusional if you dont accept what's happened to the housing market and cost of higher education.

I am the poster who was willing to sacrifice everything to SAH. Think. $50,000 went a lot further 35 years ago. My DH's salary would have been higher by today's standards. It all comes down to how important being home is to you and to your family. We would have sold our home and moved into a tiny apartment to avoid daycare. It was that important to us. There are truly people who have no choice but to have both parents working. But that is not the case for most people. In DC you can afford to live comfortably on 80,000. In my hometown you could easily live on 50,000. You won't drive brand new cars, take expensive vacations, splurge on clothing, send your kids to private school, or live in a grand home. But you will be present for your kids. For us there was no price tag on that.

Mine are college and beyond and I'm working in a job I love. I have zero regrets about my 27 years at home.

NP here, age 37. If your story started 35 years ago you are contemporaries of my parents. They bought their house in the California Bay Area for low 5 figures; it's now worth over $1 mil. Neither of them went to college but they were still able to get great jobs that put 2 kids through private school. Mom has a pension that pays 80% of her salary for life. It's a completely different world now and none of that is possible for people my age or younger. It's great that you stayed home, but I cannot stay home on the 2016 equivalent of $50k.

Depends where you live. The median HHI in the US is just over $50K, so clearly it's very very possible especially if you're living in a low COL area like NC (granted it's gotten much more expensive since PP lived there).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Amusing how the OP asked about a parent staying home, but it morphed into SAHM. I remember before recession when millenials were first becoming parents with their idealism, the idea of SAHD was gaining traction. Now I think it is ridiculed even vilified, so many threads on DCUM how SAHD can't go to play dates because <scandal> or other ways they can't fit in with the SAHM posse in every neighborhood.

But are there any DW making it so bank that it made sense for DH to stay home. Please no stories about those man children who can't hold a job and play video games all day, but actual professional men who decided DW career took precedence.

Yes, plenty of stay at home dads in my neighborhood. One in our family too.

We've met a few SAHDs. We know a mom who is an orthopedic surgeon and her DH stayed home to take care of their kids. I know another managing director in NYC who earns seven figures whose husband stays home with the kids. He is always working on some new business venture but he is home. My friend's boss is also a director whose husband stays home. I think that guy is a bit of a loser though and can't hold a job.

Do you think similarly of women who stay home? Or is your judgment only for men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were willing to sacrifice just about everything but necessities to keep me at home. The first few years were rough. We lived in Raleigh, North Carolina on less $50,000. My DH's income is about $160,000 now so while we are not rich, we are comfortable. We moved away from DC and $160,000 feels like a ton of money here. I went back to work part-time when our youngest started middle school and that helped as well.

We only had one car but my DH had a work vehicle. That really helped. Almost all of our vacations were trips to visit family in different parts of the country. We lived overseas for a few years so we were able to travel some then as well. I budgeted very carefully. We limited activities to one per child. We were just really careful with our money back then. It's much easier to save with one parent at home.

Our kids are grown now. Zero regrets. It was worth it for our family.

You realize that $50k want a lot farther when you started staying home 25-30 years ago (or whatever) than it does now, right?

Yes, things were quite different a generation ago.

LOL, more millennial excuses.

C'mon you're delusional if you dont accept what's happened to the housing market and cost of higher education.

I am the poster who was willing to sacrifice everything to SAH. Think. $50,000 went a lot further 35 years ago. My DH's salary would have been higher by today's standards. It all comes down to how important being home is to you and to your family. We would have sold our home and moved into a tiny apartment to avoid daycare. It was that important to us. There are truly people who have no choice but to have both parents working. But that is not the case for most people. In DC you can afford to live comfortably on 80,000. In my hometown you could easily live on 50,000. You won't drive brand new cars, take expensive vacations, splurge on clothing, send your kids to private school, or live in a grand home. But you will be present for your kids. For us there was no price tag on that.

Mine are college and beyond and I'm working in a job I love. I have zero regrets about my 27 years at home.

NP here, age 37. If your story started 35 years ago you are contemporaries of my parents. They bought their house in the California Bay Area for low 5 figures; it's now worth over $1 mil. Neither of them went to college but they were still able to get great jobs that put 2 kids through private school. Mom has a pension that pays 80% of her salary for life. It's a completely different world now and none of that is possible for people my age or younger. It's great that you stayed home, but I cannot stay home on the 2016 equivalent of $50k.

Depends where you live. The median HHI in the US is just over $50K, so clearly it's very very possible especially if you're living in a low COL area like NC (granted it's gotten much more expensive since PP lived there).

Maybe in Greenville NC, but no way you can live where there are OK schoools in RTP like Cary even at 80k.

PP is easy to claim they would live in a small apartment, but rents rise rapidly and they would have been squeezed on one income. And generally good schools are in suburban hoods fed by SFH, so is she claiming she would have given her kids a disadvantage in life with poor schools so she could avoid the boogie man of daycare? Easy to talk now, but $50k 20 years ago was upper middle class and housing was crazy cheap compared to today because. Really she doesn't add much to discussion than her smug confidence of what she claims she would do today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Amusing how the OP asked about a parent staying home, but it morphed into SAHM. I remember before recession when millenials were first becoming parents with their idealism, the idea of SAHD was gaining traction. Now I think it is ridiculed even vilified, so many threads on DCUM how SAHD can't go to play dates because <scandal> or other ways they can't fit in with the SAHM posse in every neighborhood.

But are there any DW making it so bank that it made sense for DH to stay home. Please no stories about those man children who can't hold a job and play video games all day, but actual professional men who decided DW career took precedence.

Yes, plenty of stay at home dads in my neighborhood. One in our family too.

We've met a few SAHDs. We know a mom who is an orthopedic surgeon and her DH stayed home to take care of their kids. I know another managing director in NYC who earns seven figures whose husband stays home with the kids. He is always working on some new business venture but he is home. My friend's boss is also a director whose husband stays home. I think that guy is a bit of a loser though and can't hold a job.

Do you think similarly of women who stay home? Or is your judgment only for men?

See, the loathing of SAHDs only took two posts!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were willing to sacrifice just about everything but necessities to keep me at home. The first few years were rough. We lived in Raleigh, North Carolina on less $50,000. My DH's income is about $160,000 now so while we are not rich, we are comfortable. We moved away from DC and $160,000 feels like a ton of money here. I went back to work part-time when our youngest started middle school and that helped as well.

We only had one car but my DH had a work vehicle. That really helped. Almost all of our vacations were trips to visit family in different parts of the country. We lived overseas for a few years so we were able to travel some then as well. I budgeted very carefully. We limited activities to one per child. We were just really careful with our money back then. It's much easier to save with one parent at home.

Our kids are grown now. Zero regrets. It was worth it for our family.

You realize that $50k want a lot farther when you started staying home 25-30 years ago (or whatever) than it does now, right?

Yes, things were quite different a generation ago.

LOL, more millennial excuses.

C'mon you're delusional if you dont accept what's happened to the housing market and cost of higher education.

I am the poster who was willing to sacrifice everything to SAH. Think. $50,000 went a lot further 35 years ago. My DH's salary would have been higher by today's standards. It all comes down to how important being home is to you and to your family. We would have sold our home and moved into a tiny apartment to avoid daycare. It was that important to us. There are truly people who have no choice but to have both parents working. But that is not the case for most people. In DC you can afford to live comfortably on 80,000. In my hometown you could easily live on 50,000. You won't drive brand new cars, take expensive vacations, splurge on clothing, send your kids to private school, or live in a grand home. But you will be present for your kids. For us there was no price tag on that.

Mine are college and beyond and I'm working in a job I love. I have zero regrets about my 27 years at home.

NP here, age 37. If your story started 35 years ago you are contemporaries of my parents. They bought their house in the California Bay Area for low 5 figures; it's now worth over $1 mil. Neither of them went to college but they were still able to get great jobs that put 2 kids through private school. Mom has a pension that pays 80% of her salary for life. It's a completely different world now and none of that is possible for people my age or younger. It's great that you stayed home, but I cannot stay home on the 2016 equivalent of $50k.

Depends where you live. The median HHI in the US is just over $50K, so clearly it's very very possible especially if you're living in a low COL area like NC (granted it's gotten much more expensive since PP lived there).

Maybe in Greenville NC, but no way you can live where there are OK schoools in RTP like Cary even at 80k.

PP is easy to claim they would live in a small apartment, but rents rise rapidly and they would have been squeezed on one income. And generally good schools are in suburban hoods fed by SFH, so is she claiming she would have given her kids a disadvantage in life with poor schools so she could avoid the boogie man of daycare? Easy to talk now, but $50k 20 years ago was upper middle class and housing was crazy cheap compared to today because. Really she doesn't add much to discussion than her smug confidence of what she claims she would do today.

You sound ridiculous in so many ways. First, I do not believe daycare is "the boogy-man". The best analogy I can offer is this. Many parents believe homeschooling is the best for their kids. That doesn't mean they judge you for sending your kids to public school. For my family, daycare was not in line with our values and priorities. I don't fault others for their choices.

Secondly, we certainly did not have the life you describe. We moved every three years for the last 35. We have never built up equity in a home. We've made a little money here and there, but never anything close to significant. We have been able to find good schools in every state we have lived in. And in our overseas locations. We are not military. My DH is a Fed. When he was a brand new GS-13 things were tight. We lived way out in Johnston County when we was assigned to the Raleigh office. We were able to purchase a very modest home in a good school district. We didn't have money for many extras. I babysat occasionally to bring in extra money. When my kids started school, I taught part-time preschool to bring in extra income. My days off always matched theirs. As my DH progressed in his career, it because easier. He is a 15-10 now and with the 25% LEO bonus, we are doing fine. We aren't rich. When we are in DC things are still tight. But right now we live in a low COL area. I am working again part time. Our kids are all college and beyond. We paid for college by explaining to our kids from a very early age that they would absolutely have to get scholarships to help with the cost of college. And guess what? All five did. We don't quality for any need-based assistance. It's all been a combination of academics, sports, and ROTC.

We finally have some breathing room for the first time in our 35 year marriage. So no. It has not been easy. And I am not at all smug. I am however confident that it can be done because I did it. If it's important to you, you find a way to make it happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were willing to sacrifice just about everything but necessities to keep me at home. The first few years were rough. We lived in Raleigh, North Carolina on less $50,000. My DH's income is about $160,000 now so while we are not rich, we are comfortable. We moved away from DC and $160,000 feels like a ton of money here. I went back to work part-time when our youngest started middle school and that helped as well.

We only had one car but my DH had a work vehicle. That really helped. Almost all of our vacations were trips to visit family in different parts of the country. We lived overseas for a few years so we were able to travel some then as well. I budgeted very carefully. We limited activities to one per child. We were just really careful with our money back then. It's much easier to save with one parent at home.

Our kids are grown now. Zero regrets. It was worth it for our family.

You realize that $50k want a lot farther when you started staying home 25-30 years ago (or whatever) than it does now, right?

Yes, things were quite different a generation ago.

LOL, more millennial excuses.

C'mon you're delusional if you dont accept what's happened to the housing market and cost of higher education.

I am the poster who was willing to sacrifice everything to SAH. Think. $50,000 went a lot further 35 years ago. My DH's salary would have been higher by today's standards. It all comes down to how important being home is to you and to your family. We would have sold our home and moved into a tiny apartment to avoid daycare. It was that important to us. There are truly people who have no choice but to have both parents working. But that is not the case for most people. In DC you can afford to live comfortably on 80,000. In my hometown you could easily live on 50,000. You won't drive brand new cars, take expensive vacations, splurge on clothing, send your kids to private school, or live in a grand home. But you will be present for your kids. For us there was no price tag on that.

Mine are college and beyond and I'm working in a job I love. I have zero regrets about my 27 years at home.

NP here, age 37. If your story started 35 years ago you are contemporaries of my parents. They bought their house in the California Bay Area for low 5 figures; it's now worth over $1 mil. Neither of them went to college but they were still able to get great jobs that put 2 kids through private school. Mom has a pension that pays 80% of her salary for life. It's a completely different world now and none of that is possible for people my age or younger. It's great that you stayed home, but I cannot stay home on the 2016 equivalent of $50k.

Depends where you live. The median HHI in the US is just over $50K, so clearly it's very very possible especially if you're living in a low COL area like NC (granted it's gotten much more expensive since PP lived there).

Maybe in Greenville NC, but no way you can live where there are OK schoools in RTP like Cary even at 80k.

PP is easy to claim they would live in a small apartment, but rents rise rapidly and they would have been squeezed on one income. And generally good schools are in suburban hoods fed by SFH, so is she claiming she would have given her kids a disadvantage in life with poor schools so she could avoid the boogie man of daycare? Easy to talk now, but $50k 20 years ago was upper middle class and housing was crazy cheap compared to today because. Really she doesn't add much to discussion than her smug confidence of what she claims she would do today.

No 50,000 twenty years ago was not upper middle class. It was just plain middle working class. You millennial are out of touch of anything that happened more than five years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were willing to sacrifice just about everything but necessities to keep me at home. The first few years were rough. We lived in Raleigh, North Carolina on less $50,000. My DH's income is about $160,000 now so while we are not rich, we are comfortable. We moved away from DC and $160,000 feels like a ton of money here. I went back to work part-time when our youngest started middle school and that helped as well.

We only had one car but my DH had a work vehicle. That really helped. Almost all of our vacations were trips to visit family in different parts of the country. We lived overseas for a few years so we were able to travel some then as well. I budgeted very carefully. We limited activities to one per child. We were just really careful with our money back then. It's much easier to save with one parent at home.

Our kids are grown now. Zero regrets. It was worth it for our family.

You realize that $50k want a lot farther when you started staying home 25-30 years ago (or whatever) than it does now, right?

Yes, things were quite different a generation ago.

LOL, more millennial excuses.

C'mon you're delusional if you dont accept what's happened to the housing market and cost of higher education.

I am the poster who was willing to sacrifice everything to SAH. Think. $50,000 went a lot further 35 years ago. My DH's salary would have been higher by today's standards. It all comes down to how important being home is to you and to your family. We would have sold our home and moved into a tiny apartment to avoid daycare. It was that important to us. There are truly people who have no choice but to have both parents working. But that is not the case for most people. In DC you can afford to live comfortably on 80,000. In my hometown you could easily live on 50,000. You won't drive brand new cars, take expensive vacations, splurge on clothing, send your kids to private school, or live in a grand home. But you will be present for your kids. For us there was no price tag on that.

Mine are college and beyond and I'm working in a job I love. I have zero regrets about my 27 years at home.

NP here, age 37. If your story started 35 years ago you are contemporaries of my parents. They bought their house in the California Bay Area for low 5 figures; it's now worth over $1 mil. Neither of them went to college but they were still able to get great jobs that put 2 kids through private school. Mom has a pension that pays 80% of her salary for life. It's a completely different world now and none of that is possible for people my age or younger. It's great that you stayed home, but I cannot stay home on the 2016 equivalent of $50k.

Depends where you live. The median HHI in the US is just over $50K, so clearly it's very very possible especially if you're living in a low COL area like NC (granted it's gotten much more expensive since PP lived there).

Maybe in Greenville NC, but no way you can live where there are OK schoools in RTP like Cary even at 80k.

PP is easy to claim they would live in a small apartment, but rents rise rapidly and they would have been squeezed on one income. And generally good schools are in suburban hoods fed by SFH, so is she claiming she would have given her kids a disadvantage in life with poor schools so she could avoid the boogie man of daycare? Easy to talk now, but $50k 20 years ago was upper middle class and housing was crazy cheap compared to today because. Really she doesn't add much to discussion than her smug confidence of what she claims she would do today.

No 50,000 twenty years ago was not upper middle class. It was just plain middle working class. You millennial are out of touch of anything that happened more than five years ago.

I don't get how they are so clueless. I have older kids - 27, 25, 23, 20, and 17. My older three are out of college and working. I don't think they are this stupid. They've never said anything close to the ridiculous shit I'm reading here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Amusing how the OP asked about a parent staying home, but it morphed into SAHM. I remember before recession when millenials were first becoming parents with their idealism, the idea of SAHD was gaining traction. Now I think it is ridiculed even vilified, so many threads on DCUM how SAHD can't go to play dates because <scandal> or other ways they can't fit in with the SAHM posse in every neighborhood.

But are there any DW making it so bank that it made sense for DH to stay home. Please no stories about those man children who can't hold a job and play video games all day, but actual professional men who decided DW career took precedence.

Yes, plenty of stay at home dads in my neighborhood. One in our family too.

We've met a few SAHDs. We know a mom who is an orthopedic surgeon and her DH stayed home to take care of their kids. I know another managing director in NYC who earns seven figures whose husband stays home with the kids. He is always working on some new business venture but he is home. My friend's boss is also a director whose husband stays home. I think that guy is a bit of a loser though and can't hold a job.

Do you think similarly of women who stay home? Or is your judgment only for men?

See, the loathing of SAHDs only took two posts!

It has nothing to do with him being a stay at home dad. He really is a loser! He cheats on his wife, is an alcoholic and isn't a very good guy. It's not like he gave up his career to spend time with his child. I actually think they were separated for a while. Not sure if they ended up divorcing. I think there is a difference between being unemployed and choosing to be a full time stay at home parent.

I'm a SAHM. I wasn't laid off or fired. I stepped away from a high paying six figure job to spend time with my children. See the difference?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were willing to sacrifice just about everything but necessities to keep me at home. The first few years were rough. We lived in Raleigh, North Carolina on less $50,000. My DH's income is about $160,000 now so while we are not rich, we are comfortable. We moved away from DC and $160,000 feels like a ton of money here. I went back to work part-time when our youngest started middle school and that helped as well.

We only had one car but my DH had a work vehicle. That really helped. Almost all of our vacations were trips to visit family in different parts of the country. We lived overseas for a few years so we were able to travel some then as well. I budgeted very carefully. We limited activities to one per child. We were just really careful with our money back then. It's much easier to save with one parent at home.

Our kids are grown now. Zero regrets. It was worth it for our family.

You realize that $50k want a lot farther when you started staying home 25-30 years ago (or whatever) than it does now, right?

Yes, things were quite different a generation ago.

LOL, more millennial excuses.

C'mon you're delusional if you dont accept what's happened to the housing market and cost of higher education.

I am the poster who was willing to sacrifice everything to SAH. Think. $50,000 went a lot further 35 years ago. My DH's salary would have been higher by today's standards. It all comes down to how important being home is to you and to your family. We would have sold our home and moved into a tiny apartment to avoid daycare. It was that important to us. There are truly people who have no choice but to have both parents working. But that is not the case for most people. In DC you can afford to live comfortably on 80,000. In my hometown you could easily live on 50,000. You won't drive brand new cars, take expensive vacations, splurge on clothing, send your kids to private school, or live in a grand home. But you will be present for your kids. For us there was no price tag on that.

Mine are college and beyond and I'm working in a job I love. I have zero regrets about my 27 years at home.

NP here, age 37. If your story started 35 years ago you are contemporaries of my parents. They bought their house in the California Bay Area for low 5 figures; it's now worth over $1 mil. Neither of them went to college but they were still able to get great jobs that put 2 kids through private school. Mom has a pension that pays 80% of her salary for life. It's a completely different world now and none of that is possible for people my age or younger. It's great that you stayed home, but I cannot stay home on the 2016 equivalent of $50k.

Depends where you live. The median HHI in the US is just over $50K, so clearly it's very very possible especially if you're living in a low COL area like NC (granted it's gotten much more expensive since PP lived there).

Maybe in Greenville NC, but no way you can live where there are OK schoools in RTP like Cary even at 80k.

PP is easy to claim they would live in a small apartment, but rents rise rapidly and they would have been squeezed on one income. And generally good schools are in suburban hoods fed by SFH, so is she claiming she would have given her kids a disadvantage in life with poor schools so she could avoid the boogie man of daycare? Easy to talk now, but $50k 20 years ago was upper middle class and housing was crazy cheap compared to today because. Really she doesn't add much to discussion than her smug confidence of what she claims she would do today.

No 50,000 twenty years ago was not upper middle class. It was just plain middle working class. You millennial are out of touch of anything that happened more than five years ago.

Haha, no I grew up in one of those flyover places like outside pre-boom RTP. My parents working together earned about 50k in 1996, and we were definitely some of the wealthiest in our neighborhood. Think about it: today, 20 years later, $50k is the national average income? 20 years ago, national average income was $35k. And again housing was dirt cheap. It's okay, it's obvious you are another entitled boomer who screwed things up for Gen X & Y. Peachy. Would love to hear from SAHM who don't preach against daycare in a sidelong dig, and instead how they make it work in recent times with the high cost of housing, less stables jobs, on modest salary.

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Anonymous wrote:We were willing to sacrifice just about everything but necessities to keep me at home. The first few years were rough. We lived in Raleigh, North Carolina on less $50,000. My DH's income is about $160,000 now so while we are not rich, we are comfortable. We moved away from DC and $160,000 feels like a ton of money here. I went back to work part-time when our youngest started middle school and that helped as well.

We only had one car but my DH had a work vehicle. That really helped. Almost all of our vacations were trips to visit family in different parts of the country. We lived overseas for a few years so we were able to travel some then as well. I budgeted very carefully. We limited activities to one per child. We were just really careful with our money back then. It's much easier to save with one parent at home.

Our kids are grown now. Zero regrets. It was worth it for our family.

You realize that $50k want a lot farther when you started staying home 25-30 years ago (or whatever) than it does now, right?

Yes, things were quite different a generation ago.

LOL, more millennial excuses.

C'mon you're delusional if you dont accept what's happened to the housing market and cost of higher education.

I am the poster who was willing to sacrifice everything to SAH. Think. $50,000 went a lot further 35 years ago. My DH's salary would have been higher by today's standards. It all comes down to how important being home is to you and to your family. We would have sold our home and moved into a tiny apartment to avoid daycare. It was that important to us. There are truly people who have no choice but to have both parents working. But that is not the case for most people. In DC you can afford to live comfortably on 80,000. In my hometown you could easily live on 50,000. You won't drive brand new cars, take expensive vacations, splurge on clothing, send your kids to private school, or live in a grand home. But you will be present for your kids. For us there was no price tag on that.

Mine are college and beyond and I'm working in a job I love. I have zero regrets about my 27 years at home.

NP here, age 37. If your story started 35 years ago you are contemporaries of my parents. They bought their house in the California Bay Area for low 5 figures; it's now worth over $1 mil. Neither of them went to college but they were still able to get great jobs that put 2 kids through private school. Mom has a pension that pays 80% of her salary for life. It's a completely different world now and none of that is possible for people my age or younger. It's great that you stayed home, but I cannot stay home on the 2016 equivalent of $50k.

Depends where you live. The median HHI in the US is just over $50K, so clearly it's very very possible especially if you're living in a low COL area like NC (granted it's gotten much more expensive since PP lived there).

Maybe in Greenville NC, but no way you can live where there are OK schoools in RTP like Cary even at 80k.

PP is easy to claim they would live in a small apartment, but rents rise rapidly and they would have been squeezed on one income. And generally good schools are in suburban hoods fed by SFH, so is she claiming she would have given her kids a disadvantage in life with poor schools so she could avoid the boogie man of daycare? Easy to talk now, but $50k 20 years ago was upper middle class and housing was crazy cheap compared to today because. Really she doesn't add much to discussion than her smug confidence of what she claims she would do today.

No 50,000 twenty years ago was not upper middle class. It was just plain middle working class. You millennial are out of touch of anything that happened more than five years ago.

I don't get how they are so clueless. I have older kids - 27, 25, 23, 20, and 17. My older three are out of college and working. I don't think they are this stupid. They've never said anything close to the ridiculous shit I'm reading here.

Your kids probably know you well enough to understand your limitations, so they stay away from more nuanced topics and stick to asking you things that are more your speed, you know, like what's for dinner?

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Anonymous wrote:Amusing how the OP asked about a parent staying home, but it morphed into SAHM. I remember before recession when millenials were first becoming parents with their idealism, the idea of SAHD was gaining traction. Now I think it is ridiculed even vilified, so many threads on DCUM how SAHD can't go to play dates because <scandal> or other ways they can't fit in with the SAHM posse in every neighborhood.

But are there any DW making it so bank that it made sense for DH to stay home. Please no stories about those man children who can't hold a job and play video games all day, but actual professional men who decided DW career took precedence.

Yes, plenty of stay at home dads in my neighborhood. One in our family too.

We've met a few SAHDs. We know a mom who is an orthopedic surgeon and her DH stayed home to take care of their kids. I know another managing director in NYC who earns seven figures whose husband stays home with the kids. He is always working on some new business venture but he is home. My friend's boss is also a director whose husband stays home. I think that guy is a bit of a loser though and can't hold a job.

Do you think similarly of women who stay home? Or is your judgment only for men?

See, the loathing of SAHDs only took two posts!

It has nothing to do with him being a stay at home dad. He really is a loser! He cheats on his wife, is an alcoholic and isn't a very good guy. It's not like he gave up his career to spend time with his child. I actually think they were separated for a while. Not sure if they ended up divorcing. I think there is a difference between being unemployed and choosing to be a full time stay at home parent.

I'm a SAHM. I wasn't laid off or fired. I stepped away from a high paying six figure job to spend time with my children. See the difference?

So the only worthy stay at home parents are those who quit high paying jobs to become one? Plenty of SAHMs don't fit that mold, just as many SAHDs don't, but apparently only the dads get judged for doing what works for their family.