The Dad Privilege Checklist
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Anonymous
“Do as I say or you are not a feminist!” What a joke. |
Anonymous
They're fine with women making the choices, they just don't think they're feminist choices. They're individual choices but do not further feminism overall. |
Anonymous
You're only saying what your personal definition of "feminism" is -- the problem is, there are actual academic definitions of feminism, and a common understanding of what the term means -- and your personal definition isn't aligned with them. |
Anonymous
I wonder how the PP can’t read how he starts out with “yes isn’t it funny how I get praised for doing these tiny, basic, fun parenting things” but concludes the reason he doesn’t feel judged is because of his superior male ability not to feel judgment. When in reality men don’t feel that judgement because IT IS NOT DIRECTED AT THEM. When things go badly the mother is blamed and responsible for fixing it. I have a kid with special needs and I have been told over and over by men, women, strangers, teachers family members that my child’s issues are because of my parenting or would disappear if I just did x. My husband is subjected to 0 percent of that. Literally 0. I know it’s BS and it’s easier to shake off now we have the diagnosis but let me tell you this is real. Even the doctors will do it. Meanwhile my husband is a saint for showing up for field day. So no men are not better at not caring about what others think. They are lucky enough that no one expects anything of them so they never get judged. I have eventually grown a super thick skin to advocate for my kid and I probably care less what anyone thinks of me than any dad now but it was a painful process to get here. |
Anonymous
| Freud had a name for this. A type of envy |
Anonymous
| 95 percent of this list applies to my husband. and he's a nice guy. But there are many more expectations of women than men. And he's autistic/adhd so a lot of this falls to me |
Anonymous
| I’m incredibly organized and detail oriented with a job that gives me great flexibility. Handling the parenting detail is pretty easy for me. My husband has a very big job with long hours but he is great father and husband. When he’s home he is all in and is alway busy doing tons of things not on that list. He handles many things I don’t even think about because he just does them. I do many things he doesn’t have to think about. It works! If I shared that list with him he’d ask if I was trying to start a fight which we never have! |
Anonymous
Feminism was never about equality; it was always about supremacy. |
Anonymous
I make things hard too sometimes. Your husband never patiently explains anything to you? I’ve rarely met a couple without complementary areas of knowledge. But some women seem to think it is a great imposition. Also, if he were a bachelor, he wouldn’t have cleaned for his OWN mother. In the back of his mind, he’s thinking this is important to YOU, and you’re not concerned at all that it’s not important to HIM. Why not do things his way? THAT is female privilege: the ability to whine that any differing opinion is an example of MALE privilege and somehow is oppressive to you. You don’t want a partner with his own opinion, or with negotiating power, you want him just to say “yes dear.” Which is why, usually, husband complains and then picks up the kids. |
Anonymous
Would say at least 75% applies to my husband and he’s not Autistic. But I and he both get told constantly what a “great dad” he is and how “lucky” I am. And he is and I am. And still, it sucks to be the one doing all the list things. |
Anonymous
I guess we read the post differently. I do see an observation that men tend to, in general, give less of a shit what other people think. I don't see anything about their "superior ability not to feel judgment", that's a value lens you've applied that isn't inherently there. I do agree that clearly more of the judgment is applied towards moms and people feel more free to comment towards moms. I think this could also be in part because people fear men more... if I get in a confrontation with a man, there's a chance he becomes physical... if I get in a confrontation with a woman, worst case it's a yelling match. So people are less willing to comment towards dads. Explains why while I do hear plenty of judgment directed towards dads, it's rarely if ever said to their faces. I don't think any of this negates PP's observation that in general men also tend to be less bothered by whatever judgment they might receive. I also don't think that trait is necessarily the "superior" one, as you put it. |
Anonymous
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The list was definitely illuminating. There's a lot of things that don't apply to my family (I would say my husband is honestly better at solo parenting and solo bedtimes than I am)
I do remember one time I asked my husband to do the birthday party invites and boy did he whine and moan about having to copy and paste some some emails from the preschool directory. |
Anonymous
| The dishes, and so much more, wouldn’t get done if it weren’t for me. Sure mom does some stuff, but when she goes out of town I handle it all just fine and the house is sparkling upon her return. When I go out of town, dishes, laundry, and of course all yard work, are waiting for me. I know many dads who experience the same. We just grind it out and don’t get a martyr complex. This list is complete BS. |
Anonymous
So true. There was a professor at my college who explained that equality wouldn’t be possible until women had decades of being by themselves in positions of power and men were subordinate. Once they occupied these positions for long enough to eliminate the systemic inequities, then equality would be possible. She was part of a whole school of thought and I’ve encountered it numerous times in my life. Real extremist stuff, but it’s pretty common. |
Anonymous
Yes. My husband — who really sold himself as a feminist when we married — does not know where anything in this house other than his own belongings go. We have lived here 12 years. He says “it’s not my stuff.” So I guess the kitchen cooking stuff, the food in the pantry, the kids toys are alll….my stuff? About 80% of the stuff on this list applies to him, and the stuff that doesn’t is because I’m just not going to do things like his laundry, his dry-cleaning, presents for his family, holiday cards (although those I did do for the about 10 years). My brothers, who are older, are actually not this way. I think because we grew up in a house where everyone worked and did chores so that’s their baseline. Here’s another not added to the list “I do not need to know the names of my kids’ teachers, or anything about those teachers personalities or expectations.” |