Social lives of 12 and 13-year-olds

[Anonymous]

How much time should a 12/13 yo socialize with school friends outside of organized sports?

[Anonymous]

Doesn't it depend on the child? Temperaments differ.

Up until tenth grade, when I went to boarding school, I'd never engaged school friends outside of class time. Never once felt that I'd missed out on anything. While open and energetic and quite sociable during school hours, I was really content to hole-up with my books and pets in the evenings and spent time either solitary of with family over the weekends.

Honestly, I still do.

[Anonymous]

There is clearly no answer to this. As long as the child is performing well in school, getting enough sleep, getting household chores done etc., then as much as they would like.

[Anonymous]

what is the reason for your question OP - are you worried about something specifically ?

[Anonymous]

I guess I just want to make sure DD has a good balance. Like, 20:35, she is quite energetic and sociable during school hours but content to be at home with her books. I'm not complaining. She does get invited to social things and sleep overs on occasion, but she's not out every weekend nor is she asking to do more. I guess I'm not sure how much to encourage.

[Anonymous]

My 12 year old is like that, too. He has lots of friends at school and is well-liked, but he's pretty much a homebody and likes to do things with the family.

[Anonymous]

My eldest was like that at 12. Now, at 14, she has something going on with friends almost every weekend, and sometimes after school during the week (though I don't encourage that).

I'd follow her lead. If she's content, then it sounds like all is fine. If she wants more of a social life - a desire my current 12 yo has voiced - then encourage her to invite some other kids over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I just want to make sure DD has a good balance. Like, 20:35, she is quite energetic and sociable during school hours but content to be at home with her books. I'm not complaining. She does get invited to social things and sleep overs on occasion, but she's not out every weekend nor is she asking to do more. I guess I'm not sure how much to encourage.

Sounds like there's no issue. Why encourage anything? Let her be who she is.

[Anonymous]

I think at 12 and 13 they have enough with balancing the demands of middle school, activities and home life that going out shouldn't be a concern. That will happen soon enough when they reach high school. In middle school, my son would have friends over to the house or he would go to someone's house occassionally, but mostly he was busy with homework and sports.

[Anonymous]

I discourage my middle schooler from socializing too much. She'd socialize all the time if I let her. I don't let her do sleepovers because she gets too tired, and I don't let her hang out with friends after school. She has a lot of homework, and I prefer she hang out with our family for the moment. She has the rest of her life to socialize.

OP, you child sounds fine. I would not worry. Every child is different. I think it's best for a middle-schooler to spend more time with family, and less with friends. We only have a few more years to influence them, so why not take advantage of it? In a few years they won't want to be seen in public with you. Cherish the time your child wants to spend at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I discourage my middle schooler from socializing too much. She'd socialize all the time if I let her. I don't let her do sleepovers because she gets too tired, and I don't let her hang out with friends after school. She has a lot of homework, and I prefer she hang out with our family for the moment. She has the rest of her life to socialize.

OP, you child sounds fine. I would not worry. Every child is different. I think it's best for a middle-schooler to spend more time with family, and less with friends. We only have a few more years to influence them, so why not take advantage of it? In a few years they won't want to be seen in public with you. Cherish the time your child wants to spend at home.

This seems really extreme to me. Get ready for some major rebellion!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I discourage my middle schooler from socializing too much. She'd socialize all the time if I let her. I don't let her do sleepovers because she gets too tired, and I don't let her hang out with friends after school. She has a lot of homework, and I prefer she hang out with our family for the moment. She has the rest of her life to socialize.

OP, you child sounds fine. I would not worry. Every child is different. I think it's best for a middle-schooler to spend more time with family, and less with friends. We only have a few more years to influence them, so why not take advantage of it? In a few years they won't want to be seen in public with you. Cherish the time your child wants to spend at home.

Ignorant statement on too many levels to mention.

[Anonymous]

My 12yo DD is on the shy side and a bit of a homebody. If she has nothing social going on Friday to Sunday, I encourage her to invite someone over, or sometimes initiate it myself. During the week she has plenty to do with homework and activities.

[Anonymous]

My 12 year old is shy and extroverted. He tends to hold back in a group setting (e.g. middle school lunch room) and really craves the smaller group interaction. Last year we were new in the area and he didn't get much of that during the week, and it was hard. This year he's got kids to meet at the park afterschool, is involved in some smaller group activities (e.g. stage crew for the school play), plays a team sport and we seem to have found a good balance. I would say that he is spending time with other kids almost every day outside of school, about 50/50 structured activities and just hanging out. That's what works for us.

An introverted child (like me as a kid), or a child who is very outgoing may well get all their social needs met during the school day, especially if you add on extracurriculars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I discourage my middle schooler from socializing too much. She'd socialize all the time if I let her. I don't let her do sleepovers because she gets too tired, and I don't let her hang out with friends after school. She has a lot of homework, and I prefer she hang out with our family for the moment. She has the rest of her life to socialize.

OP, you child sounds fine. I would not worry. Every child is different. I think it's best for a middle-schooler to spend more time with family, and less with friends. We only have a few more years to influence them, so why not take advantage of it? In a few years they won't want to be seen in public with you. Cherish the time your child wants to spend at home.

Ditto.