Are you still open to new friends?

[Anonymous]

At this stage in your life are you happy with the friends you already have? Are you pleasant to new people you meet but don't want to make the effort to get to know them any more than superficially?
I ask because I am relatively new to DC (from Europe) and I find that many women I meet that are my age are very open and friendly when we meet but don't seem to want to take the friendship beyond the superficial level even if we meet on a fairly regular basis such as kid's school or church. As a result, while I have made friends, they are mostly on average 5-15 years my junior. I sometimes crave the friendships of women of a similar age to me but it seems they are more settled in the friendships they already have.

What say you?

[Anonymous]

I have the same problem. People are very friendly as long as our kids are in the same activities, etc., but friendships do not survive when kids move on to new activities.

[Anonymous]

If I really click with someone I am open to new friendbshipsx.

[Anonymous]

A little bit settled I suppose. But also working with small kids - I can barely keep up with life in general, and really don't have the time/energy for developing new friendships unless it happens organically within my existing life, which preTTY much limits it to neighbors / folks in my local area whose kids interact with mine.

And it's not that I'm opposed to making new friends, it's just a process that requires time and that is in short supply. Whereas maintaining old friends requires much less time, and is more forgiving of the once every couple months contact.

[Anonymous]

"And it's not that I'm opposed to making new friends, it's just a process that requires time and that is in short supply. Whereas maintaining old friends requires much less time, and is more forgiving of the once every couple months contact."
ITA with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A little bit settled I suppose. But also working with small kids - I can barely keep up with life in general, and really don't have the time/energy for developing new friendships unless it happens organically within my existing life, which preTTY much limits it to neighbors / folks in my local area whose kids interact with mine.

And it's not that I'm opposed to making new friends, it's just a process that requires time and that is in short supply. Whereas maintaining old friends requires much less time, and is more forgiving of the once every couple months contact.

ITA on all counts.

I feel like my wish list for time is at the bottom of the To Do list. Everyone/thing else comes first.

[Anonymous]

I just moved to the area, and I have had a hard time making friends. I have lots of acquaintances, but most of the women my age are settled into their own friendships, and don't seem to have room for a new one with me. I feel sad about it, but there's not much I can do about it. Old friends are nice because there's no getting to know you stuff. You just jump right in where you left off, even if it was 20 years ago. Unfortunately all of my friends live in other cities, too far away to get together for coffee or lunch. I think this will change in time, as I get to know people better, but I'll have to endure it for the moment, alas.

[Anonymous]

The last set of good friends I have is from my pre-pre-previous job (we became friends around 1999-2002). I have set of friends from school, set of friends from college, and a few here and there that I met throughout my life. Since then, it has been acquantainces and good acquantainces but i cannot say that I made new 'friends' in same meaning. Sure, we go out with some people, go over to dinner, bring over to dinner, but they are not someone who I would be comfortable calling in the middle of the night the same way that I could call any of my old set of friends or even feel the same closeness. These are people who are right this moment in my life as factor of me being here and them being here and having some factors in common (e.g. work for same employer). If any of these factors change, I doubt that we would maintain the friendship much, just because there are too many demands on time. For me it is both, lack of time and too many family / work demands, but also that I simply don't have the energy or the willingness to open up to new friendships. Also, for me it is not a conscious process where I 'make' new friends - but rather 'become' close friend with someone as a factor of growing closer through time. In a transient area like dc, i doubt that i will have sufficient time to grow closer with many.

[Anonymous]

Very interesting thread, to me, as I really feel that it has been hard to make friends around here. Most of the friends my husband and I made were around our older son's sports, in ES. Now everyone is in different schools and the friendships didn't really remain. I also find that, with a fulltime job, my SAHM 'friends' really are pretty uninterested in my work ... not that they should want to know details, but the subject of the *fact* that I work is just avoided -- as if it doesn't exist. I feel curious about what others do, no matter whether SAHM or not, and so I think it is weird others come across as so self-absorbed. Any reactions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very interesting thread, to me, as I really feel that it has been hard to make friends around here. Most of the friends my husband and I made were around our older son's sports, in ES. Now everyone is in different schools and the friendships didn't really remain. I also find that, with a fulltime job, my SAHM 'friends' really are pretty uninterested in my work ... not that they should want to know details, but the subject of the *fact* that I work is just avoided -- as if it doesn't exist. I feel curious about what others do, no matter whether SAHM or not, and so I think it is weird others come across as so self-absorbed. Any reactions?

Funny because the topic of work is the very topic that I avoid in conversations that I have on school grounds, soccer fields. It is usually the younger mothers who like talking about work and how important they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I really click with someone I am open to new friendbshipsx.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"And it's not that I'm opposed to making new friends, it's just a process that requires time and that is in short supply. Whereas maintaining old friends requires much less time, and is more forgiving of the once every couple months contact."
ITA with this.

One more vote for this one. Plus, I just finished sifting out a bunch of "friends of convenience" who had become far less convenient and clearly weren't true friends. Very gun shy about adding people who - though they appear nice at the time - aren't truly compatible. Takes a long time to get to know someone well enough to know if you really have a special connection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Funny because the topic of work is the very topic that I avoid in conversations that I have on school grounds, soccer fields. It is usually the younger mothers who like talking about work and how important they are.

I'm the one who raised talking about work. I don't talk about it because I am "important," but if you're curious about another person, and they spend 8 hours a day doing something, wouldn't you want to have a sense of it if you're getting to know that person? Seems a lot less narcisstic than just talking about kids (always your own, or the other person's). In other words, why should it be off limits?

[Anonymous]

NP here -- I have a pretty wide circle of friends, including SAHMs and WOHMs, some I've known for decades, others I've just met in the past year or two. I love hearing about my friends' kids, and we occasionally talk about work or volunteer projects (FWIW, I work part-time), but most of the time we talk about other things -- books, movies, TV shows, politics, sports, food, travel . . . .There are lots of options besides work or kids.

[Anonymous]

No