What would you think of this? (my crazy mother)

[Anonymous]

Your friend's parents are in town for a minor holiday and she invites you and your family to come over for dinner. Your friend's mom is friendly, gracious, attractive, funny, and a great cook. All is going swimmingly when out of the blue, the friend's dad does something minor to displease the friend's mom. All of a sudden the friend's mom goes off on him for about a minute, pretty viciously. Then she stops, turns back to the conversation, smiles, and acts as if it never happened.

This is what my mom does. The "victim" is not always my dad, it could be any other close family member who happens to do the wrong thing when she's feeling the pressure of entertaining. At major holidays it's usually a total meltdown, but at smaller gatherings it's not as big of a deal. The irony is that she absolutely loves to entertain and always suggests doing it, and she loves inviting my friends. I find it pretty embarassing, and I'm at the point where I don't even want to introduce her to new people in this type of setting. (And forget talking to her about it, I've tried, and it's a complete non-starter.)

My friends of course never say anything because what would they say. But I can't tell how freaked out they are or are not. I'm so used to it by this point that I barely notice--it's not my favorite thing about my mom, but it is what it is. So tell me honestly, what are my friends thinking? Should I avoid inviting them from now on?

[Anonymous]

I think your friends understand. Everyone's family has quirks. If they are a good friend, they probably cherish being with you and the extended family.

I love getting together with old friends and seeing their parents and siblings, who I rarely get to see nowadays. I don't think a thing about the quirks because they are in every family!

Just enjoy the time!

[Anonymous]

Not that bad. At all. I would hardly flinch, but my mom is a complete nut.

I dated my DH for 6 years before getting married. My mother met my MIL at least a dozen times before that and has been in her home for various holidays.

At my wedding she forgot my MILs name and introduced her at Mrs. Smith. She could not remember her name. My mom is young, but she is soo self absorbed, unless she finds someone clever, charming, and in her opinion "worldly" they are basically annymous talking head to her. It is very embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

Depends on what you mean by "viciously."

[Anonymous]

If your friends are nice, rational people, they're thinking that your family has its good points and its bad points. Like most families. Probably like their families.

[Anonymous]

If I were your friend, I'd think nothing of it. My family has more than its fair share of issues! It would bother me somewhat if it were you and DH fighting, but I wouldn't think twice about anything anyone's parents said or did.

[Anonymous]

Agree with pps. In fact, you mom totally sounds like my mom.

Don't be mortified - everyone's family has a nutcase (or 2 or 3...)

[Anonymous]

I agree with all the PPs. You can't sweat this. The sooner you learn to let it go the more you will enjoy the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

Maybe give your friends a heads up so they're not taken by surprise. Then it can stop being embarassing and just be the particular shade of crazy your mom is (we all have some sort of craziness).

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you so much. I guess she just gets to me because she's my mother and I absolutely hate this quality about her. I've been the subject of her 0-to-60 anger on too many occasions, and sometimes it's bigger than just a one-minute outburst (but not usually when my friends are around). She's so great in many other ways, and we do have a nice time with her and my friends, so I'm glad to hear it's not that big of a deal.

[Anonymous]

It probably seems a lot worse to you, OP.

If you want to prepare your guest, you could say something like "Oh by the way, my mom can have kind of a short fuse sometimes, not to guests or anything, but sometimes she just really blasts me or my dad. We don't take it seriously but I just want to warn you in case she goes all Stalin on one of us. We're used to it."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It probably seems a lot worse to you, OP.

If you want to prepare your guest, you could say something like "Oh by the way, my mom can have kind of a short fuse sometimes, not to guests or anything, but sometimes she just really blasts me or my dad. We don't take it seriously but I just want to warn you in case she goes all Stalin on one of us. We're used to it."

OP again. Good advice, thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It probably seems a lot worse to you, OP.

If you want to prepare your guest, you could say something like "Oh by the way, my mom can have kind of a short fuse sometimes, not to guests or anything, but sometimes she just really blasts me or my dad. We don't take it seriously but I just want to warn you in case she goes all Stalin on one of us. We're used to it."

If one of my friends said this to me I would be even more excited and looking forward to dinner for the sheer entertainment of it - I mean if they "dont take it seriously", it is fair game to enjoy it, right? My family is totally loco fwiw.