When did you feel like yourself again?

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure if this belongs here on in off-topic, but . . .

DD is 7 months, and I have been back at work for 3 months. DD is in a happy, smiley phase after a long colic period. Despite this, I still don't feel like myself. Nothing hurts anymore, and yes, theoretically, I have lost the pregnancy weight. (I say theoretically because my composition has changed entirely - for the worse, of course). DH is great and is always trying to figure out ways to make things easier for me. DD still wakes up at least once in a 11-12 hour span to eat. I have gotten used that part though I eagerly read the posts on ending night nursing. Although I am tired, there is nothing discernably wrong and really I don't have anything to complain about, but nothing has quite come together yet either.

So, when did you feel like yourself again? Maybe this is just how it is now?

[Anonymous]

Is it possible you have some mild post partum depression?

[Anonymous]

here's the thing-- you won't ever be back to your old self again.

just like you said your body is basically like it was before (with weight in different places etc) YOU will basically be back to yourself but things will have adjusted. you aren't just a wife, daughter, sister, etc anymore - you are a MOM.

don't beat yourself up waiting for that return to "normal" -- embrace the new you and all the wonderful things that the new title Mom brings!

[Anonymous]

I've never felt like my old self again, I'm afraid. My kids are 4 and 17 months, and there's just something about motherhood (at least for me)...I feel like I haven't been fully relaxed in 4 years. It's almost a feeling of always having to be 'on.' I'd suggest a brief vacation? It's not an option for me as we don't have anyone to watch the kids, but if you do you should consider going away for a long weekend or something, just to recharge. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Ditto the PPs. For me the key has been to realize/accept just how huge this transition to motherhood is. Most days I think of it as becoming a new and better version of myself -- just like when I left college and added the professional side, just like when I met my DH added the relationship side. And yet even the happiest additions can cause some friction and unbalance until things reach equilibrium again.

FWIW, here's a book that I'm enjoying very much (reading it very sloooooowly in between baby care): Buddhism for Mothers: A Calm Approach to Caring for Yourself and Your Children, by Sarah Napthali. (I'm not Buddhist, by the way. Just interested in the concepts and techniques in the book . . . . )

Good luck and enjoy.

[Anonymous]

I have to agree with PPs - I'm not sure you ever feel like yourself again b/c for better or worse, your old self is gone. You will never not be a parent again. My DD is 10 mo old and while I've been back to work for 6 mo, the baby is great, our nanny is great, etc. etc. I haven't felt rested since she was born (and she's a pretty good sleeper!). Whoever said you don't miss the little things like sleeping in ('b/c those are just selfish anyway and don't compare to the joy of kid') was full of crap. I miss sleeping in each & every weekend! Not to say that my heart doesn't flutter when I go into the nursery to get the babe at 5:30 on a Sat. morning and she starts babbling and smiling when she sees me, but honestly, I'd rather be sleeping!

Here's how I look at it: being a parent is great in a lot of ways, but it also sucks in a lot of ways (that might sound harsh, but thats my perspective). It helps me to be able to talk to girlfriends with kids and commiserate. Like really, honestly, tell it like it is and not feel judged by them. Yes, a weekend away might help, sure, it could be mild PPD, but I think its imperative to find a good support network of friends and communicate honestly about what you're feeling. Hang in there ........ everyone says it gets better!

[Anonymous]

You'll feel like yourself again when your child is 18 years old and goes to college/moves out...actually then you'll be too old to want to go back to your pre-baby lifestyle. Plus, you'll get empty-nest syndrome ....but seriously, don't fret.

Is this your first and only child (so far) OP?

Parenting is a double edge sword - a tough job with subtle rewards (like a gummy smile from baby) and definitely a thankless one. There are many aspects of being a mom that can go "wrong" - the monotony, the isolationism, guilt (over anything), exhaustion, etc.

It sounds like you need a mini break - just a day to get away and refresh and refocus. After all, distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Hang in there...

[Anonymous]

I went back to work PT when DS was 18mos old. This is when I started to feel like myself.

I am now running 4 miles a day and am starting to look like my old self again.

Basically, I think those two things were very much like my "old-self" and by doing them I'm feeling like me again. Now that I'm working some and running each morning, I cannot even begin to describe how that impacts my son and puts me in a very good mood, it is a very good thing for all the members of our family!

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP's. My life has been full-time kids for almost four years now and there are days that I try very hard to remember who I was pre-kids and it's all a blur. In many ways this is the happiest and most fulfilling time of my life but at the same time I have moments that I don't know where I am anymore, if that makes sense.
It does get so much better when the kids sleep through the night and you can put them to bed knowing that the next 11-12 hours are yours alone. But your life changes in a huge way... even my relationship with my body (physical and emotional) is so different since I have carried two babies and delivered them. I think your never get your old self back but eventually you adapt to your new reality and all of the wonderful things it brings. I think that's why this board is so popular and even powerful...it's essential to feel part of a community of other mothers who are going through the same things. I have a book to recommend... Mother Shock by Andrea Buchanan. It really spoke to me and it's an easy read.

[Anonymous]

after 4 years, i feel like i'm actually starting to prioritize my "me" time and figure out who i am apart from being a mom again... and in some cases, when i try to relive my "youth," i find that i am no longer the "me" i used to be...

[Anonymous]

“People only talk about what a joyous experience it is, but there is terror: Your life, as you know it, is over. It's over the day that child is born. It's over, and something completely new starts.” Bill Murray from the movie "Lost in Translation"

I love that quote! Around 7 months I finally realized that it wasn't about me anymore and that there was no more "normal." Once I accepted that, my outlook improved a lot! We were spoiled for so many years! I miss being able to come and go as I please, stop at the gym after work, read, etc. I love many things about motherhood and there are also plenty of things I don't like. But I think in 10 years all of the daily freedoms would eventually have become boring - I was already starting to feel like "OK whats next." Having a child forces you to change and I don't think that is always such a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“People only talk about what a joyous experience it is, but there is terror: Your life, as you know it, is over. It's over the day that child is born. It's over, and something completely new starts.” Bill Murray from the movie "Lost in Translation"

Great quote!

I have an 8 month old and almost 3 year old and I totally agree with the PPs. It will be hard to really ever feel like your old self again. I work, which actually helps me feel like my old "self," but I don't do a lot of the fun things I did pre-kids. There just isn't enough time in the day to be a full-time mom and work the hours I work. I think it would help to be able to resume some of the old activities - running, etc. That is what I'm working on doing.

Anyway you can do the same?

[Anonymous]

I agree w/ the PP. I have a 3 yr old and I don't think I will ever feel the same. I am always on the tired spectrum. Some days I feel merely tired and some days are bordering on exhaustion. I am also a single parent so I am sure that adds to the problem. I have just started working PT which has helped me feel a bit better and have started going out by myself and with friends every once in a while. If you continue to be tired, have your dr check your thyroid. Mine was really out of whack for a good 6 months after my son was born.

[Anonymous]

I felt like myself when baby was about 10 months old and I left on a five-day business trip and got to sleep as much as I wanted. It became more permanent (although I still have my moments) when he started sleeping longer and I have been able to get enough sleep consistently. I know your question was more complicated and emotional, but for me, sleep was everything.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the poster who said "sleep is everything." Being a new parent is a huge shock, and your old life is over permanently, but don't underestimate the devastating effect on your emotional and psychological health caused by lack of sleep. They don't use sleep deprivation as a method of torture for nothing. My oldest didn't sleep through the night until he was almost two. He would wake up three, four, five times a night. At around two, he started sleeping through the night randomly, like three times per month. Some nights I would rather have gnawed my own arms off than go pick him up. I felt really horrible inside (not sure how much of that showed). He started sleeping through the night at around four and a half, and then -- even though I didn't feel like my OLD self -- I started feeling like a normal human being again. Now I have a nine month old, and once again I find daily life to be really, really hard, each day a grind, and have a hard time finding the joy in it all. I do know now, though, that that will go away when I start getting regular sleep again, and that's a comfort. Can your husband get up to take care of the baby at night a few times in a row, just so you can feel rested again? At least you'll know that some part of you is still there, waiting to come back when you get some sleep.