BIL schizophrenic -- wwyd
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Anonymous
| Long story short, my BIL is schizophrenic. After a suicide attempt, he is finally getting some treatment (up until that point he received no treatment). It's only been a couple of months and the meds are not working. He still hears voices. He still thinks everyone is out to get him. Fortunately, he lives in another state. My MIL wants to bring him here b/c she has some guilt about his illness. Financially it will be catastrophic to her but leaving that aside, I just had a fight with my husband about the whole issue. I told him that if BIL moves here, while still delusional, he is not welcome in my home around my children and the kids are not to go to MIL's house where BIL would be living. He was shocked. His contention is that since he'd be there to "protect" them that it would be ok for visits. I'm not comfortable with that. I need the man to have been under successful treatment for a period of time before subjecting my kids to him. He's got scars all over his face, neck and wrists from various "incidents", he could become violent and frankly, he's very very weird. I think he needs to get his illness under control before we try and schedule some sort of family reunion. Keep in mind he has had little to no contact with my kids since they were born (going on 9 years now). He's been "ill" for about 3-4 of those 9 years. Am I being over-reactionary? I understand it is easy for me to be "cold" about this since it's not my brother, I have had little contact with this guy and have been knee-deep in the drama of his illness for the past few years. Anyone out there been through something similar? |
Anonymous
| I lived in a home with a bipolar-schizophrenic mother and 4 children. During the episodes she would run out of the house and we'd lock her out so if there are adults around it's OK. If he has an episode you just leave. No big deal. |
Anonymous
| I would be thinking like you. Medication does wonders for mental illness, but if he's not under control and still hearing voices, having paranoid delusions, etc. I would not let my children in the same house with him. You are being sensible. |
Anonymous
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OP, get some books from the library about the disease and educate yourself
You are being cold. Oh, this disease is genetic, just because it is your husbands brother, does not mean that your husband or children could not have it in their genes. |
Anonymous
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Unless he has been violent, I think you're over-reacting. As with anyone, if he starts getting agitated during a visit, you can just leave. It's not going to hurt your kids to see someone who is weird or who has scars. I wouldn't want my kids to think that people, including family members, with mental illness should be treated as pariahs. Your BIL would benefit from family support.
On a practical level, he may not be taking his medication or may not be taking it regularly. Many people with schizophrenia cannot see that they are mentally ill and need medication. The medication often has side effects. Therefore, many people with schizophrenia don't take medication as prescribed. Long-lasting injections (once a month or once every two weeks) are available and really have a higher compliance rate. I recommend reading the book I'm Not Crazy, I Don't Need Help to understand how to help him. |
Anonymous
| For me it would be a matter of being able to see BIL for myself a few times but certainly not automatically saying "hey, he's family, we don't want to shun him because he's mentally ill." You are still your children's parent and I think it's completely reasonable for you to get to know your BIL and assess his behavior and THEN decide what the proper course of action is and what's safe for your children. Not all mental illnesses pose a problem, but this one has the potential to cause problems. So no, I don't think you're overreacting in the short term, but your DH probably wants to hear a little bit of hope for the future. |
Anonymous
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You've watched too much Law & Order. Schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders rarely make a person dangerous.
Having family and an anchor could be a huge help to him. I say you count your blessings, open your heart, and see if you can make the man's existence a little less hellish. |
Anonymous
| OP- my brother is a paranoid schizophrenic. As long as he is medicated, he is a welcome member of our family and my kids love him. There is a huge difference between medicated and unmedicated schizophrenics. As long as visits are supervised, I think it would benefit everyone involved (the BIL included) to try and establish a relationship. |
Anonymous
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"For me it would be a matter of being able to see BIL for myself a few times but certainly not automatically saying "hey, he's family, we don't want to shun him because he's mentally ill." You are still your children's parent and I think it's completely reasonable for you to get to know your BIL and assess his behavior and THEN decide what the proper course of action is and what's safe for your children. Not all mental illnesses pose a problem, but this one has the potential to cause problems. So no, I don't think you're overreacting in the short term, but your DH probably wants to hear a little bit of hope for the future."
I completely agree. And in terms of what 10:02 said, it is not just a matter of actually being in danger, it is also a matter of his behavior scaring the kids. I've been around several people during psychotic episodes, and even as an adult who knew what was going on it was scary and unnerving. |
Anonymous
| 10:08 again- my brother has been medicated for 15 years and still has trouble distinguishing between what is reality and what's in his head. Even medicated, he is severely paranoid and anxious around people, even family. This doesn't mean the meds aren't working- there is no medication that cures schizophrenia. But while medicated, he is better able to control impulses and recognize that he is sick and sometimes his mind plays tricks on him. If you are waiting for him to find a med combo that will eradicate the voices and the paranoia, you will be waiting for a very long time. |
Anonymous
| OP it might take years to find the right meds an adjust the dosage... Don't be selfish. You know your husband, your children or you could develop the disease, right? |
Anonymous
Why does it matter that they might get the disease? And to another PP, he has already been violent, just mostly to himself. I agree with your position, OP. When he seems to be more under control, he can spend time with the kids. For now, his behavior may upset them and he could become dangerous. Saying you "just leave the house" assumes you get enough warning. |
Anonymous
Yes. OP, it would be wise to research all you can about schizophrenia, because there is a genetic risk for your children (particularly boys). We've got it in our family, too. Current wisdom says it's a bio/psycho/social model -- so there are some things you could do while your kids are little to help minimize or prevent its development. http://www.schizophrenia.com/prev1.htm |
Anonymous
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One of my close friends had a BIL who was schizophrenic. He lived with his parents because, as you said, the mother harbored guilt over his illness. The father was somewhat afraid of him in that he knew he was unbalanced, but not in fear for his personal safety or anything like that. Well, last year, the BIL killed both parents, then fled to Israel claiming he was in Mossad. Google Eric Bellucci, Staten Island. It was all over the news. According to my friend, he STILL hasn't been arraigned a year later due to his mental illness and instability.
Not saying this is the norm, just saying, if you have a bad feeling, and he has been violent, even to himself, in the past, I would go with your gut and keep your kids away from him. While my friend's BIL caused his fair share of family disruptions over the years with his illnesses, they did not think it would go this far. You never know with mental illness. |
Anonymous
Agree PP. |