Just got the autism diagnosis

[Anonymous]

One of the psychologists I talked to recommended I get my 3 yr. old son into a playgroup full of typically developing peers. I just laughed because anyone typical and his age just ignores him. Should I try to find younger kids for him to play with? I wished I would have asked this question when I was there.

[Anonymous]

I would start with a social skills group led by therapists who know what they are doing. I agree that simply throwing him in with NT kids won't do him much good (though one on one playdates, if you can be involved, may be helpful). For kids this young you might try some of the speech therapists in the area for a group. Also, if you can get into a practice of one of the developmental peds in the area thats where you will probably get the most helpful advice.

[Anonymous]

I think getting outside therapy support sounds good but you can always look into one on one playtime. i use to have a charge that was school aged but was more in line with a preschooler type of play level. I saw some other moms were very receptive to encouraging their lil one w/ my lil man. I know I use to occasionally bring my toddler over and they loved each others company, but having the background to support it helped

I also heard of a program called SMILE in FFX on saturdays, but dont know about reviews

[Anonymous]

Hi, new poster. So, I totally know how you feel but I do think that opportunities to play with typically developing children are the best way to go. I started at three, and it was painful, for me mainly to watch, but by 5 and 6, it was starting to click for my DD. Now at seven, its SOOOO much better...she's still the funny, quirky one in her group but she's come so far. And I can tell by the things she says that she is learning by observing. So, if you can find a group, do.

[Anonymous]

my kiddo has some issues but not autism. We do however have a good friend whose child has an autism diagnosis. We have great playdates with this child. His mother is VERY VERY good at facilitating the playdate in an almost effortless way. She gives these subtle prompts to her child to help him engage in conversation - to help him notice if my kid has asked a question ...... she sits on the floor, is very calm but also playful. She is low key and does not take over. She bridges the gap. She has no formal training, but must have a high social intelligence. It helps tremendously that this mom has great affection for my child and that my child has known this little guy since they were both infants. In other words, my kiddo sees playdates with this other child as a package deal. He loves both the mother and the child. She loves and accepts my kid and in turn he accepts her child.

Long story short - if you can develop relationships with other families where there is true affection between the families - in that context playdates can be great. Our friend says that her son cares for our child like no other child - and I really think it is because of this context of mutual affection and care between the families that allows her son to form a meaningful relationship. I know as the boys age it will be harder to maintain if the gap becomes larger but both families are committed to keeping up the friendship.

Just plopping kids who don't know each other would not work. From my perspective, it is about creating a richer friendship between families that can allow an autistic child to connect. Obviously harder to do, but perhaps a case study that can give you ideas.

[Anonymous]

I have a son with high functioning autism. We put him in a play based daycare program until he was 5, and then he went to a Montessori school for K-3.

Re: kids ignoring your son. That's normal for 3 year olds. They mostly engage in parallel play (playing side by side, but not with someone) and develop interactive play through the preschool years. A play group of normal developing kids would be great, because those kids are developing those skills and might be able to help draw your son in.

We did a ton of extra curricular activities with my son: YMCA swimming classes starting at 3, karate class starting at 5, Little Gym gymnastics classes starting at 7, creative drama classes at the local arts center starting at 8. The arts center classes and the Little Gym classes were the most useful.

We also had him in private speech therapy to work on his social communication. We did two social skills camps in the summer to do the same thing.

We practice social skills with him constantly. When we see a deficit, we model the correct behavior and talk about it. We teach him a script to use for the next time that problem comes up. We reward him for doing the correct behavior.

At age 9, he's doing really well. He's quirky and different, but he is in a mainstream class at a public school, and is getting good grades. He has friends. He loves his class and his teacher. He still gets speech 2 X per week and still does a lot of extracurriculars. He has learned to turn one of his obsessional interests into a tool for making friends. He writes elaborate movie/video scripts and he casts his friends as super-heroes in starring roles. This is heaven for the 6-9 year old boy crowd. They love his stories and are happy to talk to him about story ideas.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree about finding the right NT child and developing rich, sustained, and repeated playdates with that child. My DD, who is NT but who was extremely - almost pathologically- shy as a 3 yr old served as just this sort of playdate for a little girl with AS. Every Tuesday DD would go to the little girl's house for structured playtime, and honestly, DD, who, once she was comfortable with someone, was very friendly and easy-going a playmate, turned out to be a great model for the other girl. Honestly, the sustained play and acceptance and overt modeling of social skills on the part of the mom were good for DD as well. DD is now 9, extremely social and popular, and I credit those playdates (which lasted more than two years) with the other child for helping her come out of her shell but also for making her an unusually empathetic child who really reaches out to children whom she can see need a little bit extra "help." If only that kindness would extend towards her SN brother, but alas, that may be expecting too much...