Anyone relate..friendship turned toxic, but don't want to cut off completely

[Anonymous]

Have a (formerly) good friend from college who has struggled with alcoholism. Our friendship was mostly pleasant and healthy up until her drinking got out of control either due to or causing marital troubles which resulted in the break up of her brief marriage about 8 years ago. She has been in and out of rehab ever since and I have tried to be supportive. She has lost jobs due to erratic behavior and down right entitled and rude behavior. I supported her emotionally as much as I could during the break up of her marriage, loss of jobs, relationship problems with any many she dated after, etc.

The thing is I think the alcohol changed her brain and all the life stressors made her into an emotionally abusive and bitter person. I refuse to talk to her if she has been drinking and it's clear when she has because she is so hostile and cruel. Even when she isn't intoxicated she mostly ruminates and gossips and I refuse to join in that. She has seen several therapists over the course of the past few years and has been on a variety of medications to help her with her emotions and struggles with alcohol. Ever since the break up of her marriage and her downward spiral the relationship has been 1 sided. I cannot share anything stressful in my life without her belittling me or using an insecurity against me. She get's angry with me for refusing to gossip with her or defending people. She throws things I shared in the past back in my face in the hopes of pushing buttons. Yet, as soon as something bad happens she calls me sobbing hysterically desperate for support.

So why do I keep the friendship (though at much more of a distance)? We still sometimes share some laughs and in those moments it feels like old times. We once had a good friendship. Also, she is self destructing and I don't want to push her over the edge. It's just sad because I miss the way things were over a decade ago and it is hard to accept the friendship has changed and is no longer healthy and two way. Anyone relate???

[Anonymous]

Sounds very toxic. Sometimes you just have to let friendships go.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I relate. It's hard to let go, but sometimes that's what you've got to do. Maybe that'll be the wake-up call she needs to face facts and turn things around - who knows?