Need advice for handling an internet situation

[Anonymous]

My 11 year old daughter informed me that one of her friends has the email password, and regularly reads the email, of another one of her friends. We are friendly with both families, but there was a falling out between the two other girls so my daughter is caught in the middle. There is a lot of tension between the two families as a result of the falling out - so I'm worried about creating drama, but at the the same time feel I should tell my friend to have her daughter change her password. Is there a reason not to do this?

[Anonymous]

I don't think so. I'd tell your friend. And, make sure she tells her daughter not to give her password out anymore. That can only lead to bad news.

[Anonymous]

I agree. The mother can have the girl quietly change her password.

[Anonymous]

Tell your friend. But tell your daughter that you are going to do so, and why you are going to do so. I took a confidence to my mother when I was 11 and she promised me she'd never tell anyone. But she went and told another mother who was involved. I caught holy hell from friends for "snitching." I felt very betrayed by my mother for a long time. Looking back, she definitely had to say something to the mother -- it would have been irresponsible not to. But she should have let me know first, so I wouldn't have felt betrayed. I would have hated it, but at least I would have known my mother had to make a complex adult decision and wasn't just spreading my gossip.

Your situation may or may not be similar to what I went through. But I wanted to share, because you'll want your daughter to keep bringing you information like this. And I never again told my mother anything.

[Anonymous]

Cimportant agree with PP. You should also explain your DD's concerns to the mom (I'm sure she'll understand, she has a DD too) and the other girl may be able to change her password without ever letting on that she knows that she was told to do so. The other girl isn't likely to complain that she can't read the emails anymore!

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the input - as you guessed, my true concern is is for my daughter. She understands that I plan to tell her friends mom - but what I can't guarantee, and can only hope for, is discretion. Best case scenario is that the password is quietly changed and it becomes a lesson about keeping passwords private. Worst case scenario is backlash from too much information shared. As suggested, I will make my daughters concerns part of the discussion. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Can't you ask your daughter to suggest her friend change the password, or to tell her friend to have her mother change the password?

The lesson here is NEVER give anyone your password!