Newbie teacher question- Did I make a mistake?

[Anonymous]

I am a first year teacher (not in the DC area). Last week, our school had its Back to School Picnic where parents and students have a picnic dinner and play games, etc. One of my students (a first grader) was quite rude to his parents while I was talking to them. He kept interrupting us and rudely speaking to his parents. They didn't say anything to him so he continued. Finally, I said to him "Michael, I am talking to your parents right now and you are interrupting us. When we are done talking, it will be your turn." He shook his head and waited. This is exactly what I would say to him or any student in class but I am now worried that I overstepped my boundaries. His parents didn't make any effort to stop him and because it went on and on, I felt like I had to say something. Was I wrong?

[Anonymous]

No, you didn't. Someone needed to correct the the kid.

[Anonymous]

Nope. But as a teacher and a parent I think parents nowadays think the school should educate children when it's the other way around.

[Anonymous]

I think you did the right thing. When my daughter was entering preschool her teacher did a home visit. DD was quite obstreperous at having a visitor and her teacher said something like "Janie, it's time to calm down" in a firm and calm voice at which point my daughter did so. I really appreciated her modeling that for me, (DD was my firstborn, BTW), and I liked knowing that my daughter would receive firm but calm and noncritical direction in her classroom.

Any parent who would hold this against you is insecure. You did not make a mistake.

[Anonymous]

OP I think you did the right thing.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I meant to write that he nodded his head as if he understood me. Thanks for the replies PPs. I am a parent myself and when I thought about it, I didn't want the parents to think that I was doing what they should be doing. I correct my son when he needs to be corrected even if it is in front of another adult.

[Anonymous]

The parents will probably think you overstepped - since I bet they were embarrassed. That's ok -- if all the parents love you, you aren't teaching very well.


You did fine.

[Anonymous]

OP, there is an etiquette rule about correcting children. The rule is that only a person in a position of authority over the child should correct that child, unless there are no people in authority around that child, in which case anyone seeing misbehavior should step up and correct the child. Finally, anyone may correct a child to prevent harm to self or child, all else notwithstanding.

Here's how this works:

If you are invited to a child's house for dinner (a social occasion) and the child misbhaves in front of his parents, you should NOT correct him. The parents are present. Even if they don't do anything about the child's misbehavior -- as long as it isn't harming you of course -- you must not say anything.

If you meet the child and his family after church and the child interupts or misbahves, and the parents are present, again you must not say anything.

If you see the child at the park, and his parents aren't present, you may correct the child.

If you are on a school field trip, even if the parents come too, you do have authority over the child and you may correct the child.

After school events are a bit of a gray area. As a teacher, I always assumed that if we are at school, I am still in authority over the child and even if the parents are there, I feel fine correcting the children as need be.

As you were at a school event, I think in terms of etiquette you were fine in what you said. However you might feel a bit unsure about it because it wasn't totally clear, was this a school event or a social event?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, there is an etiquette rule about correcting children. The rule is that only a person in a position of authority over the child should correct that child, unless there are no people in authority around that child, in which case anyone seeing misbehavior should step up and correct the child. Finally, anyone may correct a child to prevent harm to self or child, all else notwithstanding.

Here's how this works:

If you are invited to a child's house for dinner (a social occasion) and the child misbhaves in front of his parents, you should NOT correct him. The parents are present. Even if they don't do anything about the child's misbehavior -- as long as it isn't harming you of course -- you must not say anything.

If you meet the child and his family after church and the child interupts or misbahves, and the parents are present, again you must not say anything.

If you see the child at the park, and his parents aren't present, you may correct the child.

If you are on a school field trip, even if the parents come too, you do have authority over the child and you may correct the child.

After school events are a bit of a gray area. As a teacher, I always assumed that if we are at school, I am still in authority over the child and even if the parents are there, I feel fine correcting the children as need be.

As you were at a school event, I think in terms of etiquette you were fine in what you said. However you might feel a bit unsure about it because it wasn't totally clear, was this a school event or a social event?

Thanks, Emily Post! I didn't know you were a teacher too?

[Anonymous]

OP here. It is school event that they have every year after the second(ish) week of school. It was kind of a gray area which is why I was second guessing myself. Oh well. There isn't much I can do about it now. Maybe my mother instincts came out when they shouldn't have.

[Anonymous]

Good for you, OP. Sounds like you taught the parents a little something as well. In some families, teachers are seen as having a lot of authority, while in other families, teachers are seen as hired service personnel. You did the right thing. Don't sweat it for a single minute!

[Anonymous]

You did fine, OP. I have a question, and I mean this in all seriousness... does your own child(ren) respond positively if you (as the parent) say something like that? I ask because no matter what I say to my own children, they will keep interrupting me (regardless of whatever punishment I would mete out), but they WOULD respond and listen to the teacher. Which is why I think you made the right decision.

[Anonymous]

the kid was still at school and I would argue he was under your authority as well as his parents' authority. You did just fine, etiquette-wise. Good for you and do have more faith in yourself. We need teachers like you!

[Anonymous]

Good for you, OP. I disagree with 14:44 that this is "correcting" someone's child. I'd do this with anyone who was interrupting a conversation I wasn't finished with. I also teach a variant to my kids when another child tries to take a toy they're playing with - 'I'm not finished with it. When I'm finished you can have a turn". It's not rude, it's not correcting, it's stating a fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, there is an etiquette rule about correcting children. The rule is that only a person in a position of authority over the child should correct that child, unless there are no people in authority around that child, in which case anyone seeing misbehavior should step up and correct the child. Finally, anyone may correct a child to prevent harm to self or child, all else notwithstanding.

Here's how this works:

If you are invited to a child's house for dinner (a social occasion) and the child misbhaves in front of his parents, you should NOT correct him. The parents are present. Even if they don't do anything about the child's misbehavior -- as long as it isn't harming you of course -- you must not say anything.

If you meet the child and his family after church and the child interupts or misbahves, and the parents are present, again you must not say anything.

If you see the child at the park, and his parents aren't present, you may correct the child.

If you are on a school field trip, even if the parents come too, you do have authority over the child and you may correct the child.

After school events are a bit of a gray area. As a teacher, I always assumed that if we are at school, I am still in authority over the child and even if the parents are there, I feel fine correcting the children as need be.

As you were at a school event, I think in terms of etiquette you were fine in what you said. However you might feel a bit unsure about it because it wasn't totally clear, was this a school event or a social event?

This is wonderful. I may have to print it out and look at it from time to time. I become very annoyed when parents allow children to constantly interrupt. I say nothing as it not my place. But even worse is my SIL who is constantly correcting and bossing around others peoples' children. She is a teacher and does not know how to turn it off.