IVF or leave well enough alone?

[Anonymous]

Hello,

I may get flamed on this board since I know many people have primary infertility, but I thought I might get the most feedback on IVF so I'm posting here. If this post offends you, I'm sorry and please disregard.

We have 2 wonderful children and we really want a 3rd. We were able to get pregnant naturally both times, though doctors have been surprised about this (DH has low morphology, I have 1 tube and an inverted uterus). I believe I was lucky because I had kids young (27, 30) I am now 33 and DH is 40, and we've been trying for over a year to get pregnant (using OPKs and timed intercourse). I'm pretty sure they would recommend IVF, possibly with ICSIS, due to our issues (and there may be more but that is the extent of our testing).

I really want a 3rd but I'm also wondering if maybe IVF will be too emotionally taxing especially after running after 2 children. I keep reading about how taxing it is on this board. Do you think it is worth 1-2 shots or should I just leave well enough alone? I'm a pretty needle and doctor phobic person so the whole idea seems overwhelming, plus, I feel somehow greedy for wanting more when we've been blessed with 2, so maybe this is a sign that we need to stop. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

You should do what you think is right for your family. Your still young and your chances of success are very high.

[Anonymous]

If it was me, and I already had healthy children I wouldn't do it.

[Anonymous]

I don't think IVF itself is that taxing. It is the emotional rollercoster that is exhausting. If you are young and have had successful pregancies you have pretty good odds of having success, so you might not have to be on the rollercoster that long.

As for the procedure, don't get me wrong, its no walk in the park, but it is very managable. I didn't find the shots that bad and most of them didn't make me feel physically sick (except for Provera, which sucks.) It is time consuming and inconvenient to go to so many doctor's appointments often for weeks at a time. I don't think that you would find it any harder (and probably not as hard) to handle it with two little ones than it will be to handle two little ones when your are pregnant, and hopefully this is the outcome.

I wish someone had told me that IVF wasn't that bad because I might have done fewer IUI's before moving on.

[Anonymous]

I'd at least make an appointment with an RE and talk through the options. In the grand scheme of things, a round of IVF ends up being about 3-4 weeks of your life - and the reward is pretty huge if it's successful.

[Anonymous]

Well, I don't think you're greedy. Unless just wanting children in general is "greedy." I know this'll sound totally woo-woo, but the heart wants what it wants, ya know? It's not "logical."

I think the PP's suggestion to talk through the options, THOROUGHLY, will at least give you a stronger basis with which it make a decision. And really talk to your husband about this too -- I was just reading an article that was in GQ earlier this year about a guy on the IVF rollercoaster. It was very caustic and funny but when you read between the lines, you see what kind of toll IVF takes on the male partner, too.

It's okay, after that, to decide "you know what? I think we're good with two." It's also okay to decide to go for it. But making a better-educated decision is never the wrong thing to do. And good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

I'm a bit like you OP. I had a healthy child after a year of trying and 3 clinics telling me "it will never happen." We conceived just the 2 of us the cycle before I was to have IVF. Now we are TTC'ing again. I often feel greedy, but I also have to try everything before I give up. That's my personality. To minimize the roller coaster, we gave ourselves a time line (2 years) when we'd stop and I often carry photos of DS in w/ me, for consult, monitoring, whatever. It's hard to know when to stop when you haven't started...

[Anonymous]

IVF was emotionally taxing when we were trying to have our first child. Now we are trying again for our 2nd. Our toddler keeps us busy enough that I don't have that much time and mental energy to worry about the ongoing IVF, so it makes it much easier. It's kind of like you don't count every single week going by when you're pregnant with your 2nd. It's also emotionally easier since even if it fails, you know that you already have two beautiful kids and it's not the end of the world. (Sorry, primary infertility folks) Doctor's appointments and shots were easier the first time when we were childless and had more time and flexibility. And shots are really not that bad. Good luck with your decision!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the feedback. I like the response about giving ourselves a timeline. I really can't linger in the rollercoaster land since I want to focus on my 2 kids and not a what if. I will go to an RE and see what they say but maybe 1 more year tops and then throw in the towel.

[Anonymous]

OP here -- just read the previous response -- good to know that IVF isn't as daunting when you have a toddler already!